I was too confused
to fight him
too hurt to understand
what those tears
signified
I would hear him
and then shut myself
into the floating vastness
of nothing.
It would be a few moments
before I could
sit back on his lap
skin to skin -
tell him it
hurt
Rubbing the pain in my cheekbone
against my wrist
But he wouldn't care to know
the difference
between a bruise
and a scar.
His sound was unresponsive
but his mouth
vulgar and invective
Yet I would stretch out to him
(nearly reaching his shoulders)
to hold on to
a loose piece of clothing
or something solid
inside
him
Most times
I would tell him to change
(or
something like that)
just to watch him
nodding and disgusted
until I was the one
left exposed.
But to love him
I just needed his smile,
the reassurance
of his trained eye
as he would mumble
words of love
(in a moment of weakness)
to the deformities under my
night silhouette
and I would feel him in that instance -
as he would
jab his left breastbone,
and let his heart out
just to permit me inside
if only for a while
Author notes
Picture courtesy Deviant Art
Written June 6th, 2006
In a list
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Comments
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This is an awesome piece. Original and you have some of the best lines in a poem that I have read to date! Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing.
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This was always one of my favorites from you. It's simple yet complex, easy to understand yet filled with great imagery and metaphor. It's so sad and filled with pain, anyone could relate even if they didn't go through it themselves. A great ending with many many yummy lines. Amazing job
Jeanette*~
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So very deep and sad. This is a tragedy that you have to be hurt and pout/express sadness so harsh that it takes for someone to open up to you, only for a while until the next time. These people must really enjoy their apparent 'loved ones' pain... Love, that isn't love...
♥ -
Thank you for entering my contest.
Mira -
this is very good thank you very much... your description is like free verse! i love it
good luck!
.lucinda.
<3 -
The victim is always at fault. No matter how educated we are about not blaming the victim, even victims know they are at fault. There is this need written on the human soul to be loved. If we do not receive it to the level we believe we should from our parents, then we seek it else where. Even when we know, we are not worth loving. This is all the bad news. It is the litany of self blame we participate in to maintain our victimhood. We do not get the love we seek, we, instead, achieve the love we feel worthy of.
Now, I can rail against this. I can protest every sad self destructive line in your private personal painful poem. I will change nothing. You still will wait for the man who knows not how to love to destroy you while you fight to save him. This piece terrifies me. All I can say is, "I love you." Tom B. -
Descriptive and subtle. This is obviously a very emotional and deep poem but its done in a good way, not cliche. Great work!
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brilliant
What a beautiful poem. It has a real depth of feeling and perception, if that's the right word. Just brilliabt. -
muay exellente'
"under the city, iv'e seen a million shades of grey" gray or grey? yeah, well i know the feeling, there is one person that you need and want more then life its self and every time you reach out they open old wounds. then when its over your left worse off. the difference with me is im like "hey a hot stove" ::sizzle:: "ouch!!" "hey a hot stove" ::sizzle:: "...ouch" well you get it. -
very deep..i loved it..it was like, i was there or something.. amazing
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everyday i get blown away by the imense talent i see on here. words escape me...it's a heartbreaking poem. it punched me right in the face and tore out my heart if i can describe it like that. never ever stop writing, because you have a great talent.
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Great job...well done
Very complex piece very well illustrated of pain and confusion...searching for love, even if it was the wrong love. -
Wow. Deep deep stuff here. I loved the way you presented this. It was a bit mysterious and really quite lovely for the topic. We have all been broken at one time or another, some in ways more horrible and severe than others. I don't know why we love those who hurt us the most, or why we hurt those whom we love the most for that matter.
One of life's complex mysteries.
I agree with true sorrow, this blew me away.
Keep up the awesome work!!! -
wow, this piece is...it blew me away. It probably was over my intelligence level, for I didn't completely understand it
But it was well written & the title is imaginative.
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Very wonderful piece, so expressive of your emotions. Loved the form and flow. Great write from start to finish. Keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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Incredible
This portrays two stories in my head..buty both of abuse. Wonderful and painful write. Painful to read ...which means your imagery was impeccable. I am so sorry this was lived, wish the scar could be erased. A bruise heals..and is forgotten the damage done to ones mind never does. God Bless and stay strong. Dawn -
this is an amazing piece, one of which captures an intensity and emotion that i often am not lucky enough to read. you are able to transfer these strong emotions into the reader, at least, you were able to transfer them to me. completely captivating.
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Wow this was a great poem!!!!!!!!! I know exactly how you feel. You pulled the reader in and made them feel what you were going thru. Now if u can do that than you a great poet.Keep up the great work.
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There's something rather dark about this and, length aside, I feel the whole thing was rather effective. The narrative drew you right into the emotions surrounding this- neediness and pain and hopelessness twisted together.
~Faded -
wow..this is very very emotional..much pain is sensed here..the imagery was dark and powerful..the word choice was dark and emotional..the length was good..thank you for entering such an emotional piece...Dd
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that is a very emotional poem you done a wonderful job.
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wonderfully painful write and read... you have captured the confusion and yearning of abusive love perfectly.. I am moved beyond anymore words
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I always feel a bit of sorrow when I read the ones you pen of this. I love to read your work... and occasionally you will spring one into your abuse collection. I have been there, and it seems that I relive the experiences everytime you write it. The emotion and feelings you have bestirred here speak so loudly. I only pray that this is not something you are enduring or even ahve in the past. You write these so well.. the pain and tears seem to run all over the page. Well done.
Mel
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wow, there's a lot packed into this write. you've shown the pain resulting from the wrong kind of love whether it be a marriage, child molestation, etc.
this is very, very good. -
Wow.
I love the title of this, and everything else about it as well. It reminded me of a past relationship. You are a very talented poet! -
I clearly can see how deep this has gotten. The metaphysical alongside with the metaphoircal aspects are evident while holding that simplistis nature. Don't loose that talent
Rae
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great
stolen, gee this was another powerful, almost scarey... the need to please or love at any cost. How many times have we seen this... I think you did a brillant job in expressing this issue (to quote bill clinton) i feel your pain (in honest emotion I mean). I hope this wasn't about you. YOu really took my breath away. image and Visions -
haila new topic?
....real story nahi na???
? 
and its stupid to judge ur poems they rarely need any "constructive" comments
chal yeh applaud se kam chala le
kitoo
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This poem really made me cry. Thank you for posting it. It reveals so much and I guess on subsequent readings, even more could be unearthed and revealed about the human condition. The sadness is tangible; the consequences unacceptable and yet that's where love is blind. A very strong piece here which I commend. Blessings XX
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Beautiful piece filled with sadness. The imgary is amazing and the flow and rhythm suberb. Great work from start to finish! Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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2 thumbs up
Very deep and sad. Love or sometimes even lust can blind us. Wonderfully writen. -
Hi, a strong write with a sadness that cuts deep, do those scars ever heal? they are always there and I do not think they ever go away, all the best a very good write, hugs Di
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This is a very poignant piece. I like the images you evoke - not in a straight-forward way but subtly... but strangely this doesn't take the sting of abuse away, it actually brings it forward. What I particularly liked is how you managed to point out the aspect of emotional manipulation rather than just the physical hurt - an aspect that is often forgotten but leaves "scars" instead of just "bruises". That's why these lines were my favourites:
"But he wouldn't care to know
the difference
between a bruise
and a scar."
The effects of this emotional manipulation were also very powerfully portrayed in these lines:
"Yet I would stretch out to him"
"let his heart out
just to permit me inside"
and especially in the stanza beginning with "But to love him..."
Excellent work. You definitely deserve an applause for this.
Oh, and I love the picture, it compliments the poem very well. Good choice!
Edited on Jun 06, 10:16 because ''. -
What is it that drives us to want what isn't or try to remold what is broken. The title is the first hint that the shadows are the reality and what cast them the pretense. Rather then the focus on the confusion, the bruise, the focus is on the need to create a feeling, a response in the partner. Our feelings a statement of how we are not reaching him instead a statement of how he is harming us.
I enjoy the subtle layers of meaning in your work. I appreciate the imagery and the way you mirror the act, but show, reveal the feelings and emotions underneath. No one and nothing creates complex meaningful lies like humans and you have taken us on a remarkable trip showing this. Love,Tom B. -
This is extremely strong and powerful and I am so impressed by the pictures your words invoke. You show the duality of the situation where one wants to be loved and accepted by another who cannot do that in a healthy way. Bravo.
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Nicely written and so well said. I feel your pain and I feel your need to be loved by someone who wasn't capable of loving.
Excellent write. -
this was a very deep pen... and i hope it works out... love can be a bear...peace and harmony...shzoosy
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Wow. The imagery here is so vivid. I don't usually like poems about abuse...but you definitely did this piece justice. It was well written, I don't have anything to say about cliche here (and most of the time, it's hard to shut me up about it). But you did a good job here. Bravo.
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wow. very well written piece, leading the reader along in agony over the co-dependancy of it all. the image of the brusied pear is excellent to accompany this, i personally love the addition of images..though this write is painting it's own vivid picture. i can feel the cringe of fear and longing in it..and the non-man who does not understand how to love..only to inflict hurt.
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This is really deep! I love the photo and title here. ~ Rainy
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