A deluded, dark, twisted mind
and a far more bitter soul
creeping, slinking, slithering around
watching us through the night
Seeing our secrets;
our fears,
and lies
All unknowing, unwilling to play.
But still it lingers: feeding
on our worries, woes, and fears
Playing with our minds;
as though we were merely
toys.
Gnawing through each layer,
delving steadily
d
e
e
p
e
r
'til it has peeled us right to the core.
Still gnawing, gnashing, chewing us away
the appetite only growing
never satisfied,
always wanting more;
needing one last hit
that final score,
and still the hunger grows...
Author notes
Written June 6th, 2006
A contest entry
- 2nd Contest! Dark, or Sad!! by xox-lankan-xox.
550 points, ended December 28, 2006, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drug Abuse by Page Shut down.
800 points, ended April 2, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fear -- Make Me Feel It by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended May 1, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What's Your Addiction by Haunted Doll.
825 points, ended January 30, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything ==DARK==!!! by xXsoulxcollectorXx.
550 points, ended February 14, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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quite intense.
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Very good write here
The evil think about where their next hit will be the innocent worry about whos going to take it away . Im just thankful for another day
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oooh, i like this one...
tis creepy..
like the lay out too.
keep it up
hugs and luvvs
xxxxxxx -
I've been in that very spot! You expressed yourself very well, very well indeed!
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Fear and all things that make us feel as such do gnaw at us and take all the life we have. They actually do control our lives though many say they control their fears well if they did they wouldn't be fears, they would be concerns.
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I feel this hunger...
What a wonderful, vivid poem. It brings me to a place among creatures which I can't really describe. I feel a sudden chill as well. That's writting<33 keep it up.
-nae
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Thank you for your entry
That is the big catch. Once you start you always want more, its never enough and then one day you wake up an find you are an addict and its is so hard to quite.
Good luck and and thanks for entering.
God Bless
Tammy -
Your message is interesting and well written. The description is magnificent. Your flow is smooth and this is easy to read. Very deep Poem. I liked your title. Good luck in the contest.
~Snappy~
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Wow, this was a deep poem, something I can strangly relate to, Fear and worry is bondage. I must say you have a way with your words, this is the first poem i've read in a long time that left me hungery for more. I loved it.
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wonderful
i hunger i hunger for things i cannot have this poemis great discribes real feelings and emotions wonderful job very womderful now write me a happy ending will ya lol
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i like the way you laid out the poem
This speaks volumes
and yet can go in so many directions.
This is dark and chilling
I loved it
keep up the great writing.
Fire
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wow
this is dark and almost disturbing, but i couldn't stop reading. descriptive in a good way, but describing something so dark and scary. this is a good one, and the title fits it well. The last line is a little scary, but it makes you want more. As if the stroy doesn't end, there is more to this hunger...
keep up the good writitng.
~Mimi~
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oh poop...i clicked on this not realizing i had already commented... so sorry
you must have changed the font color since my last read
here's the applause i didn't give you last time
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A dark, almost mystical poem . . . I love your use of language in this one, it has a hidden ethereal tone to it . . . well written.
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A dynamic and unique write. I enjoyed it very much and found it to be thought provoking. Great job.
Soulful Woman -
Wow. This is awesome, Leaves some to the imagination. i really love this great job-Mariah
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Whoah!...
Whoah. this is a great poem. it gave me chills as i read it.
No1knosme -
If you could point out the puntuation to me i will fix it immediatly. Unfortunatly I am un-educated and really struggle with this aspect of writing.
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When I read this I had the distinct impression of a phantom drifing from person to person, sucking all the emotion from them. Scary stuff.
I'd like to thank you for reading the requirements and entering a piece that is metaphorical and not written like a two year old. I specifically enjoyed the use of aliteration as a tool to help enhance the descriptions.
The way you have written the poem so it appears as stanza's at first glance until you look closer is incredibly clever and intriquing.
Speaking critically I think there was a spot or two where punctuation was missing and would help the flow but other than that I can't find a thing wrong with it. Well done and best of luck.
Take care.
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umm evil
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nicely done
Unique skew you put on your poem, which enhances its mystery and feeling of gloom. You used great words for descriptives, slithering...slinking...creeping - all work together to make a vision most unpleasant. As was already pointed out, your little word dangle adds to the poem in that it draws attention to the theme. Very nicely done. -
awesome write!!!
this is amazing! captures the sentiment i have been aware of for a long time but unable to word it right. this reflects how deep your mind does wander; i am impressed!
-Bee
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ah, such controversy flowing through the words of this poem. I enjoyed this write. You have my envy. This poem is deep and the words are so perfect that I cry at the sheer brilliance of your words. I applaud this. Great piece, my friend.
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perfection in words
amazing i loved this well writen and worded it moves wel a constant flow and your description was perfect i loved this piece ,perfection in words -
this poem can speak to a reader in so many ways depending on who wrote it. it is a very deep subject(excuse the punn), but the hunger can speak so many things and the way you described the emotions, is i'm sure, the way many of us have felt about something or another at some point. very good. and this thing about the bad eyes and stuff from other readers, they can always click where it says'print' if they want to view it without the background. i have learned that. great job
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This poem is very well constructed on a very interesting topic. The "Hunger" could represent so many different issues: drug addiction/murder/sexual appetite/food. All of them are large issues in society, and you have well expressed them through your form and highly descriptive words. I loved this line:
creeping, slinking slithering around
The alliteration, rhythm and descriptive adjectives work very well together. This is a very well written poem, and isn't actually that dark. This is good, as it allows more readers to connect with the meaning of the poem. Well done.
Thundercat -
Absolutely Fabulous
This is awesome. I love it. It's so graphic and really pains a picture in my mind. Excellent. Absolutely fabulous. You are really talented. Keep writing. -
i admire the layout of this poem as it adds to the frenzied mood of your words. this could be about addiction, depression, anxiety attacks...the reader can fill in the gaps. very nicely done
am i the only who cannot see red font on a black background? of course i simply highlight in order to read it...was just wondering if it's only my bad eyes 
i applaud the poet and the poem
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This was a nice write and I found it a bit mysterious!
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Interesting poem, I actually found it entertaining despite the poems dark atmosphere. I really like the way you have formatted giving the poem a twisted and skewed visual component enforcing the narrative and developing the atmosphere. My one criticism is on the final three lines, these feel a little forced and a little cliched but other then that I really like your poem. Good work.
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