elegantly synchronized lies
drip from the porcelain lips
of a fallen god.
cold light filters through the
stained glass of her temple,
falling in peices on her truth.
through the shattered darkness,
she weaves her way,
ego falling in silken threads behind.
sifting through the pieces,
the nouns, the verbs.
a sliver of i love you cuts her.
blood, a velvet ribbon,
winds its way to the floor.
eyes follow its path blindly,
the ribbon now a pool at her feet.
she reaches out, and touches it,
bringing a finger to her lips.
tasting the saccharine sweetness
of the cause.
she rises, gathering her innner truth,
and walks into the darker reaches,
the harsh light behind caught
in the threads of her wake.
A contest entry
- Heartache... by Wonderful Nobody.
300 points, ended June 18, 2006, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Secrecy and Lies. Hate and Deceit. Bullshit and Drama. by perfect relief.
450 points, ended March 8, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphorical Dark Love ♥ by parasol.
1650 points, ended July 30, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: I want to feel your pain by Edna Sweetlove.
300 points, ended December 3, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BLOOD STAINED TEARS (SUICIDAL LOVE) by Candy Morphine.
300 points, ended June 11, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide by hyper thing.
609 points, ended June 18, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Some really striking imagery, excellent vocabulary and word placement in this cutting piece of poetry. Great stuff!
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this is just amazing!
wow im speechless and at a loss as to what to say. -
What can I say?
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Oh dear.
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is that a good oh dear? a bad oh dear? an im in pain PLEEEEASE no more bad poetry oh dear? lol.
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Is that avatar you? And such a pretty pussy as well.
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why thank you! yes, that is indeed the mare ness.
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This has wonderful imagery and a powerful message. Quite beautiful. I can really relate to this. It was very deep and profound.
Thank you for entering. Best of luck in my contest.
- Andi
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you know what? i really like this one. just a calmness in a situation where it really shouldn't be...
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I have fallen in love with this already. I like the way that you have decided to go about writing this. I't so good. Very expressive. I love your word choice and the way that yo;u describe everything going on. It's an excellent piece of literature. Thank you for the entry, and the best of luck to you.
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Excellent!
Wow... I think this is a fantastic piece! I love the imagery and vividness in it. I could picture all the scenes with the help of your well- worded lines. It has a good flow to it, too. Your words are all very powerful and important... each and everyone is vital to the touch of the piece. I think it's a very unique poem... you wrote it very well. The beginning is great, as is all the rest of it. Also, I really like the way you described blood as a 'velvet ribbon'. You're a really gifted poet, no doubt about it.
"through the shattered darkness,
she weaves her way, ego
falling in silken threads behind.
sifting through the pieces,
the nouns, the verbs.
a sliver of i love you cuts her."
This is really an excellent write! I enjoyed it a lot! Thanks for sharing, and keep up the great work!
Julia -
*applauds wildly* i love this. brilliantly written, the imagery is fantastic. it certainly drew me in from the beginning and reminded me quite strongly of one of my pieces "light from a broken window" where i use a few of the same sort of images, quite odd. anyway, i love this piece, the length fit it very well and didn't seem to drag on the poem. yes, i just really like it, very good flow and emotion. best wishes
~love-music-darkness -
excellent
Sad piece, though beautifully written. I commend you on that. I've dealt with breakups and broken hearts. It does feel like this. I can tell that you write from experience. -
This is a very good write. I have to admit, I had to read a few lines over a couple times to try to understand what you were talking about. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that it wasn't clearly written. I'm saying the poem is sort of cryptic...which can be a very good thing. It's definitely an intriguing piece. Well done.
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...Yeah this is a way to look at a breakup...and yes, this is a good poem...Read the rules please.
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WOw! its fantastic how you added a completely abstract perspective to a breakup.. its beautiful. jus beautiful
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This poem is quite sad and makes me reminisce on many things from my past. I agree with the two comments above me.... Great job. Keep up the good work and I lllook forward to reading more of your poetry soon!!!!!
Love the one and only never phony,
xX Young Black Woman Xx -
i can relate to this on a great level as well. it's sad and very heart felt. great job!
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I like this poem it's sad that you've lost the one you love i can relate on a great level.
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