Little Shawn smokes six Ax's a day.
He started smoking when he was three.
Now he's burried under the willow tree.
Author notes
humur
Written June 3rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A start
Ok, whats there is a good, its the foundation to a poem. At the minute this is like reading a book, but instead of reading it all, the reader reads the first line of the first page and the last line of the last page. It needs a middle!
In my mind writing poetry is taking people on a journey, making them feel emotions, but theres none of that here.
I say you give this some meat, and it could be a good piece of writing.
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Its good but you should add on to it.
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brilliant!
Reminiscent of Dylan Thomas' later, drunken slobber period but with the minimalism of William Carlos Williams.
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you are shawn hornbeck
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hey no kidding. nice sleuthing.
Hi Shawn.
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Really... not. that. funny. but, okay.
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lol-he's pretty talented to be able to strike a match at three. Seeing you are new to the site, I want to extend a warm welcome
vj
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