Little Shawn smokes six Ax's a day.
He started smoking when he was three.
Now he's burried under the willow tree.
Author notes
humur
Written June 3rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
A start
Ok, whats there is a good, its the foundation to a poem. At the minute this is like reading a book, but instead of reading it all, the reader reads the first line of the first page and the last line of the last page. It needs a middle!
In my mind writing poetry is taking people on a journey, making them feel emotions, but theres none of that here.
I say you give this some meat, and it could be a good piece of writing.
-
Its good but you should add on to it.
-
brilliant!
Reminiscent of Dylan Thomas' later, drunken slobber period but with the minimalism of William Carlos Williams.
-
you are shawn hornbeck
-
-
hey no kidding. nice sleuthing.
Hi Shawn.
-
-
Really... not. that. funny. but, okay.
-
lol-he's pretty talented to be able to strike a match at three. Seeing you are new to the site, I want to extend a warm welcome
vj
1 - 8 of 8




