Long ago, at night I slept
And in my head, a demon crept
He wriggled in my open ear
Bringing with him death and fear
The nightmare bringer, it would seem
Would haunt and ravage every dream
And all my hopes and aspirations
Distorted into dark mutations
With stringy hair, and burning skin
And boney fingers, long and thin
He spoke a charred and evil tone
A twisted version of my own
And when his finger points at me
I watch things humans shouldn't see
My eyes can't shut, I always tried
The lids were both forced open wide
I sit and watch, he does provide
The murder, rape, and genocide
I've seen thousands beg and die
Beneath my sweaty, open eye
Babies killed and women weeping
Haunt my head while I am sleeping
I seem to be without control
Of my own, immortal soul
When I'm awake, I find I dread
The times I have to go to bed
For I know he will return
With bloody eyes, that glow and burn
And when I try to run from sleep
I find the evil thoughts will creep
And bleed into my conscious mind
Reality will then go blind
I find that I am trapped alone
With a head that's not my own
But that's not all, because you see...
... now he's started hurting me
He says it's pain that I deserve
Shooting through my every nerve
Whips, and knives, and torches too
Lash and burn, and run me through
And every night, I am reborn
With brand new flesh for him to scorn
For him to pierce, and slash, and cut
Hang, and bruise, and beat, and gut
My dreaming pain is very real
Every part of me can feel
And I submit, and don't complain
For now my head is his domain
And then I wake, and still survive
But live a life that's not alive
My waking life becomes so dull
Without sensation in my skull
It seems I have become addicted
To the torture he's inflicted
Knowing I can't get away
Can make me almost want to stay
It's wrong to dream of bloody spikes
But I love his hateful strikes
His hard whip lashing at my spine
I lust for dreams that aren't mine
When I'm awake, I wish I'm sore
And when I sleep, I still need more
Longer knives, and harsher whips
Hotter flames, and sharper tips
My waking life goes up and down
But when I sleep, I need to drown
In hatred, bloodlust, and in pain
I want to hurt my resting brain
Give me hooks that cut and tear
I need the comfort of despair
I need to hear my lustful screams
I want the nightmare of my dreams
Author notes
This is one of my favorite darker pieces... If I'm allowed to have favorites of my own work. Do enjoy, and try to stick out the length... I think you'll think it's worth it. Thanks for reading!
A contest entry
- Hellish Brutality by hommie-t.
600 points, ended December 16, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Aside from the rhythm and flow being perfectly crafted the content of the poem sends chills.
I read your AN and you made a point of mentioning the length... I hadn't noticed the length at all, in fact it could have been longer and even more enjoyable.
Worthy of Gold in my opinion, seriously wonderful poem from all points.
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And then I wake, and still survive
But live a life that's not alive
quite possibly one of my favourite lines of all time.
utterly amazing. thank you! -
Woah. Seriously, you're the type of poet I want to be. I'm glad I love your topics so much, because if I didn't my mind would be all jealous and I wouldn't be able to stand reading it. I really like this, especially the masochistic twist at the end. I very much look forward to reading more of your poetry.
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LOVE IT
I'm running out of new things to say about your work, I find all of them I've read astonishing, they pretty much leave me speechless they're wonderfully done
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beautifully disturbing. Love it!!
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this is freakin amazing!!! i enjoyed it alot! it reminds me alot of my own writing process. thank u lots for entering : )
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Once again well done and keep up the great work.
Amber -
absolutely beautiful. i have fallen in love with your mind
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Wow, the length was defintely worth it! Great rhyming and I was interested the whole way through-what a nice little twisted story you have here! Great work and thanks so much for entering!
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Just flipping brilliant!
I know I have already commented on this, but I have just read it again and have to say, again, that it is just fantastic! I love this style write and you have pulled it off expertly. None of it is forced or stretched like some can be My favorite lines are...
And every night, I am reborn
With brand new flesh for him to scorn
For him to pierce, and slash, and cut
Hang, and bruise, and beat, and gut
Great imagery throughout. Again, wonderful!
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Your always so precise in your rhyming! I'm not able to pull it off like you and others can, so I tend to focus on conveying things. Your poems are always a delight to read because I never know what to expect. You always put such hard work into your poems and there always so...amazing. Ah. The addication to tormet. Hope you win! Good luck!
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Wow, wow and again wow!! Some fab rhyming there, flows so well and was brilliantly dark, best of luck in the contest!
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oh, I haven't read a good rhyming poem for some while. Amazing, it flows and rhymes excellently. Wonderful job.
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this....was....just....AMAZING. this i could totally 110% relate to for it is my nightmares of things that i should not see which keep me awake. this was very dakr and yes it was long but the whole poem was captivating meaning that the reader did not loose intrest. it was amazing and had strong imagery in it the whole way through. this was amazing. it really was. well done and best of luck to you in my contest
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THIS IS AMAZING! Sooo well written, it flows very, very well. I can't quote a certain line for you that i find stunning because THEN I'D BE QUOTING THE WHOLE THING! Oddly enough, i can really really relate to this. Ha, most of my dream are violent and gory. There is always either someone being murdered, an attempted murder or i'm being tortured or threatened. Anyway, GREAT WRITE! KUDOS
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awesome!! <3 I love this line---
And every night, I am reborn
With brand new flesh for him to scorn
great great great. I love how it all flowed well, your rhymes fit perfectly, and your metaphors were just outstanding.
you deserve three applauds. great job!!
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Well Done
For a first write on AP this is astounding. I loved the whol poem as it unfolds. Great writing and good luck in my contest -
Are all your poems dark? This is another well penned narrative. As I said on the last one--- your poems would make terrific performance pieces. If you ever do publish, I know you could sell at least one book. Grins. Write on, poet.
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Hehe well I'm not published... and no not all my poems are dark ... I'd say about half and half. This is one of my favorite darker pieces though. Thanks for reading
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wow
im totally speachless, the first half seemed like it was written for me, then i found the twist of the person wanting the bad dreams and thought that was an awesome change to how it was going. so vivid in my mind i can imagine it totally. great write!! hope you stick around
tc, hugs beccie
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Yes!
This poem is great! It has rhythm, a strict rhyme scheme that you followed through with, excellent imagery, and EMOTION! It's got all the elemnts this type of poem should have. I liked how the tone starts at scared, to hate, to longing. You should really publish this. It's excellent!
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i have to go! as per usual i get very little time on the computer, but i saw your name on the shamelessly bit and had to have a glance.... i love the wiggled into the ear bit.... excellent stuff
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I love how this rhymes and sounds like it could be read as a story. I just hope you really aren't like this or we may have to call up the asylum lol. You made it flow all the way through which most people can not do. I loved every stanza of this poem. It was sick twisted and great for a dark poem. You went beyond the standard cliche on this site "I'm so sad I want to bleed I cry blood I feel like a theif. I'll slit my wrists now" If your a dark writer I may not agree but you will probably get the most recognition dark and love seem to receive the most views. I don't care if you get recognition though cause your good at it, but most get recognition for a dark poem even though they suck.
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With all the imagery this reminds me of something from the Hellraiser movies. Great job!
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Hey you're right... the mention of hooks and such is a little bit hellraiser-ish hehe... Thanks for reading
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Great
Really good... I really liked this and the way it goes through the turn around from hating it to loving it... You put alot of emothion into it... a great first posting... it seemed to have an underlying message telling us that everyone has a masochistic/sadistic side to them...
Great work... Keep it up
Luv MDH xoxo
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Really like this poem! You should keep this work up, because its honestly awesome. Mines is not half as good as yours, for sure. L love these lines the most: And when I try to run from sleep
I find the evil thoughts will creep
And bleed into my conscious mind
Reality will then go blind
But, your entire poem rocks. xd -
Wow... This is amazing. I don't think I've ever read anything like this. It is thought provoking and full of imagery. Wow... That's all I can say... Nice job. I'm not speachless often.
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wow. haha. i really loved it, actually. because since forever i have never had nice dreams, i've always had nightmares to the point where they didn't scare me.
loved how the fear turns into obsession.
wonderful job, really really. creepy and seductive.
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I enjoyed this piece immensely. I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. All in all, very enjoyable. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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You did a good job with the meter and the rhythm...lots of people don't get that...but you did it well. It told a genuine and chilling story...makes me shiver. You done good. Write on, poet.
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Long, as I can say it...Long. I don't really read poems that are quite of this length but the starting lines are quite capitivating and I top my hat to you.
For one thing, I love the rhyming, everything mingled in together in a well weaven, corrupt story.
The story itself gives the reader some thoughts, of what is pure hell to everyone, might not be pain but other things as well.
Fantastic work for your first work on AP, bravo.
Cheers,
Keep on writing
Khalid -
Wow, this is an incredible piece of work. It is vivid and kept me mesmerized and reading. It is twisted and rhymes, and for some reason those two things go well together. It's like a morbid nursery rhyme. (Which is appropriate, considering it's a poem about nightmares). Your rhyme and flow are good, and I like how you emphasized a story in this piece. It was a horrifying narrative, and an addictive one.
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Hey thanks... Almost all my poems are rhyming narratives such as this one... I try and let the story itself be just as strong as whatever poetic flashyness is there... The only disadvantage is sometimes they get long hehe... Thanks for the comment
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wonderful
I loved this poem. I liked that you kept the rhyming flowing and that it acutally told a story. Not too many poets do that now, really. It made me think about my nightmares and various other things, and I like when poetry touches me that way. Great write. -
Wow that's an odd comment... Out of everyone that has read it nobody has said that it make them want to cry... and nobody said they can relate to it at all... interesting.
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Oh this one actually makes me want to cry. I can associate.
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Jeez.This was amazing.So dark and grave.I love each word and you used them very well.I will have to come back and applaud when I get the chance(my point pot has run low.)HEHE.I will have more in a little while.Thank you for writing this.It is really good. Blessings to you in the contest.
~Krys~
Oh and don't forget to add the option number.It is needed so the host can see which one it is for. -
Thank you very much... and that's weird that you'd mention the ear part, which gets the tiniest mention in the poem... Sometimes I throw too many things into one piece...
Thanks very much for the comment -
very good use of the rhyme scheme. The rythmn gives it a really haunting sort of melody that echos a sense of desperation. I loe the idea of the devil climbing in an "open ear", and destroying you from the inside.
very potent work. -
Very well done with rhyme and flow - such an easy read with no faltering! What we push from our day time thoughts does come out sometimes in our dreams and nightmares. I have had the ones that our continuations ..must be that ear demon revisiting
Loved this - keep penning and sharing your obvious talent with us - Welcome to AllPoetry
galfalfa
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