The scratching of fear,
Lulls me to dreams,
In this room,
So innocently blue.
The secretary,
Is broken in the corner,
Holding my secrets,
Locked away,
With a lost handle,
And the ground,
Is the sky - blue.
Beyond these four walls,
Outside of this world,
All is just a myth,
A tale told by a thousand tongues,
Warped and sore from the beating,
None existent anymore.
The only truth is here,
In the innocent blue.
Author notes
This poem might seem a little random. It's about my place of solitude. It's a room with a bright blue carpet that everyone hates, because there are bats in the ceiling and you can constantly here them scratch. For some reason I instantly loved this room, and I tried to portray the feeling I had when I was in there.
Written June 2nd, 2006
A contest entry
- Private Contest Giveaway! by Ted E Bare.
300 points, ended July 17, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Blue is my favorite color and your description of your escape is precious. I love the randomness the poem had about it. I think we all need our own sanctuary and it's great to know that yours can be obtained in a simple fashion. I want to thank you for entering the Private Contest Giveaway and I apologize for not completing it in a timely fashion. You will be applauded for your entry as a reward for your patience. If your entry is chosen for the Grand Prize, I will read all of your poetry that are not in contests and select three of them to be awarded trophies in your very own contest. I would prefer you to leave the winning entry in this contest if you can find it possible. I should also hope you will leave your entry in this contest if you should happen to win the Gold, Silver, Bronze or the other Grand Prize. Your assigned number for the additional Grand Prize is: 127
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i didn't immeadiately get the feeling of serenity from this piece - more like there was this expectation of serenity and it turned out to be slightly warped. which, don't get me wrong, isn't necessarily a bad thing. i actually think it gives it greater depth, like there's more to it just below the surface. all in all an enjoable read. nicely done.
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This poem is cool because it has a tone of mystery and secrecy and it just draws the reader in. You've done an awesome job here. Thanky you for your comment and applaud on my poem 'thirteen'.
~noir
~
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The comfort in sadness... Very nice piece. Unique and well spoken. Tranquil even...
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Personally, I did not get a lot about the general idea of this work. However, I do like the way the imagery is presented. That's what kept me interested. It is good in that aspect. Sorry, I couldn't suggest anything more. But I like it.
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I really liked this- how you described the room, I felt like I was actauly there. And your writing,, Im not sure if you meant it, but it almost made it seem like a fairy-tale that was connected to reality. For some reason it seemed abstract to me in a way. I definately know and love that feeling of a place of solitude, a place thats safe and all yours- I feel like, personally its so important for everyone to always have a place like that. My favorite stanza was the second to last- I love your wording and how you avoid telling us exactly what you mean directly, its beautiful and yet strong and powerful. I really enjoyed the last two lines and the first too, which make the poem whole to me
Im trying to think of something I can critque you on here, for improvement or any of the like but I cant, I think its perfect. The feelings come accross perfectly. This is a great write, beautiful. I really enjoyed it
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I liked the repetition of the word blue as innocence. I think this is deeper than me. I enjoyed the read!
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i like how you connect an actual place with this poem- it's very sort of surreal. but it makes a lot of sense, with the explaination- innocence is truly there in a place where you can be yourself, where you're alone. awesome write- i loved it!
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