Heartfelt pain echoes through my soul,
Lonely am I, My sadness unfolds,
Colors combine to blur my sight,
Darkness surrounds me,Nothing feels right,
Reflecting on my life,My wounds I bare,
The one I Love just isn't fair,
Naked is my soul,Please don't stare,
Blood seeps from my heart but nobody cares,
Shackled and bound,Imprisoned with pain,
Death creeps upon me and my fears remain,
A faceless man,A nameless name,
His lover gone, leaving him in shame,
Placed here to see,
The world and it's madness,
My life has now seen,
It's ultimate sadness.
Author notes
OPTION#1.......AC/DC- What do you do for money,Honey.......
Written June 2nd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best Ever: For REAL poets ONLY by TheLostGirl.
450 points, ended November 10, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FEELINGS by starving4perfection.
1900 points, ended August 30, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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aww wow thats so powerful!!
love the ending....thank you for the entry and good luck! -
"Placed here to see,
The world and it's madness,
My life has now seen,
It's ultimate sadness."
Great write! this is definitely my favorite stanza it just seems so true if that makes any sense but yeah any way good job and good luck! -
good very good i see somthing in thisi just dont know what I sence some greater message but nonetheless good write and good job
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Very heart felt a very nice poem and it was touching.
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Oh. This is a very sad poem that you have here. It sounds like you have really been through something. I don't know if you're writing about yourself or just imagining it or what but I'm sure that there are a lot of people that relate to that kind of sadness. It's a sad part of life. And I can't remember if you marked this for critical or not but I wanted to ask if there was a reason you didn't put a space after some of your commas or was it an error?
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Not too bad. The part I liked least was the last stanza. This is my opinion perhaps, but the poem itself should give the impression of such sadness, as well as the title, that you shouldn't need to state it out-right. I like the first line in the third stanza. It seems to be the least cliche. Imagery is good but the feeling doesn't seem to be deep enough for the sadness you wish to convey. The rhyming takes away from the feeling I think.
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I loved this one very much, very well explained. The words flow with each other making a wonderful air of deep feelings. I like how deep it is.
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Wow
The flow is amazing....I love how easily it creates the situation in your mind. Im sure many of us have been there before, I know I have, and writtings like this make it so we arent left to wonder, "am I alone" Beautiful write, thx for sharing.
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WOW!! this is really good! Exactly what i was looking for.. its very sad yet very amazing! WOW! I love it.. keep up the great work.. and good luck in my contest!!!
Shannon*Leah -
your welcome,and thank you for the applouse and comment
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exactly what i was looking for! very nice! and thank you so much for following the directions...just what i asked for! you got the # and the music! much appreciated! thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest!-hayley
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Great!!!
I LOVED reading this poem. The rhyme was simple but I guess that is what makes it so easy to read and so easy to relate to. It is so filled with emotion. The flow is wonderful and the form is too. Keep up the great writing! -
Pretty good poem here, I think it's very relatable, which is something every poet should strive to be. I felt the rhyme was a little simple, and could be improved upon, also, you used the same rhyme sequence which I thought made it seem a little sloppy. Pretty good job.
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good job
wow i like it -
I like it very much thank-you for entering !!
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Once you've felt that pain and sadness it's easy to pull it up for writting. It doesn't make the pain any less.
Roses to you
Teresa
Great Job
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great poem. sad, deep, emotional. looks like you've heard it all before. i wish i had something more to say.
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It is deep and have a lot of emotional touch to it, great piece.
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WOW that is deep and emotional. I can see the abuse the voice in the poem, be it real or fictional, has suffered. May i sugest that for those who witness it it is sad beyond belife but for the voice death might be a blessing? either way this is a moving poem and i would be in the wrong not to tell you that it is excellent writing.
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hey you did a gret job of writng here don't be so hard on yourself we are all owr own worst critic,glad things are fine keepup the good work
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Vivid, abstract and yet everything comes together. I truly feel the depth from this. So much truth. I loved every line of this piece as its' very touching and just full of positive thoughts and energy. Stunning imagery and the flow to this piece is quite impressive. Lovely write!! Great message in this poem. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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Awsome.
This reminds me of something the band "Bush" might have played, and I love that band. Very sad and very intelligent, this poem really gives the reader a look into how the speaker is both ashamed and comanding. He says he's bleeding but tells you you don't care, his soul is naked, but don't stare. Its really very interesting. -
A BEAUTIFUL POEM
I think we all have had this happen to us at one time or another. A truly wonderful poem.
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What an emotional write. I also get into the mood of writing sadness. Sometimes it just flows even though I am not feeling that way. Great expressive write my friend! Thank you for sharing it!
Allen0826 -
nice!!
Very sad and emotional! Nice work!!! -
Excellent with Tears
life goes on where we're ready for it to or not.
Roses to you
Teresa
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For someone who wrote a sad poem, that isn't actually sad, you done a very good job !!
This is very emotional and I am sure we have all felt this way.
Well written and indeed a pleasure to read xxx -
That is the beautiful thing about poetry, it can be anything you want it to be. Rhyme/no rhyme, understandable/complex, you can do what you want. Remember: you are the best person at being you, and you do an excellent job of conveying emotion. I am sure there are sites where you can learn about grammar and English; I would encourage you to check them out, but everything and everyone is accepted through poetry. Keep it up!!
Thundercat -
The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too. I really appreciate this work. I hope you continue writing because I would love to see what else you have to offer. You paint a rich picture with this pallet of words taking us along enveloping us in the feeling and emotion that pores from each line. very captivating in your choice of words. I liked the overall theme of this poem
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Nicely rhymed and scans well. Powerful feelings come across too. Purely on a technical note, why do you capitalise after a comma? It makes a hiccup where one is not intended. William
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excellent
This is such a sad poem, and very well written. You have expressed your feelings very well. Thank you for sharing this with us. -
Colors combine to blur my sight,
i love that line. maybe that kind of reflects how everything is great write now.. all rainbow. but it all blurs together.. sorry, i am rambling. I will stop now
jess -
emotional without being overdone this also has an admirable rhyme. there is so much pain in living and your words have shown this well. nicely done
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Hi, I notice there are so many very sad poems around at the moment, it's a sad world we live in,a very sad write, all the best, hugs Di
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The raw emotion of this piece is almost overwhelming. It is just on that jagged edge between too much and just right: which is right were I think it should be. You have done an excellent job of creating a persona who seems shocked, alone and confused. Their emotion has a way of jumping out of the page at the reader. I think you did a very good job of writing it. The images are fantastic. One critical comment I can make concerns your capitalisation. I think you should either only capitalise at the beginning of a verse, or after a period. Capitalising Love is OK, but I don't think My or Nothing works very well. Just a suggestion to keep you thinking. Once again, well done.
Thundercat -
Excellent with Tears
A sad poem but very well written.
It's nice to see your back writting again.
Keep smiling
Roses to you
Teresa -
Although sad as it is, this is the most beautiful poem that deals with the lose of a love. Each and every emotion is portayed so vivid form the picture your heart has painted here. Very good continuence, good construction and flow, and good rhyme. An excellent write.
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