Past the echoes and reverberation of the physical, Doppler shift
Through the third eye on a uneven, multi dimensional, Otis, lift
Along the many steams and dendritic patterns of the troubled, frantic, mind
Searching for any treasures, or Golden fleeces, you might happen to find
Wandering in the primeval valley of fear, for many a long day and year
Looking for any hope that happens to reside in the dark, over here
Out of fear came the realisation of love
That flapped it's beats in tandem, to the wings of the Holy Dove
No Raven or black crow to tap windows in the hidden, caverns of the mind
Just some holy relics and esoteric secrets, glistening , for you to find
Walk past the veil of materialism, onwards, to the path of the Golden Light
Past the measure of infinity and deeply wanted, so it is well out of sight
Out of love came the realisation of fear
That extinguishes all positivity and smothers all creativity, over here
No angel to strum you to sleep with their magick and secret chorded lyre
Just the stamping of black horses feet and the fuelling of the funeral pyre
Walk past the mourners and ignore the wail of the Banshee
Past the creation of the identity and the product of the just and the free
What is fear but the fear of fear itself?
Dust and polish your little brave heart from the cobweb, parcel, shelf
Sing and listen to the battle songs that stir the patriotic bravery of the masses
Keep going to the school and try and learn in those most makeshift of classes
But it is the surreal and the doubt that exists in both you and me
That stops the soul from wandering and managing to break free.
Georges.
Georges.
Author notes
Written June 1st, 2006. Option 6.
A contest entry
- Genesis II by Ava Noire.
300 points, ended July 28, 2006, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Call To Dreamers by Fairweather.
330 points, ended February 11, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Six Quotes: Three Films, One Critic, One Poet and a Philosopher. by DJWebb.
425 points, ended March 10, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fear by Passionate Singe.
600 points, ended April 7, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great job, this reads like a story and is quite riveting. Excellent work
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I have read this poem over several times. Firstly to appreciate it in its entirety and secondly because I really enjoyed it. It was enticing . I felt I was somewhere else as if I had been reading a book all day.
I like your style of writing and your choice of language. If I had one slight critism its would be that some of the lines seem uneven, yet it still flows nonetheless, with pace and exhilaration.
Favourite line:
`Walk past the mourners and ignore the wail of the Banshee
Past the creation of the identity and the product of the just and the free`
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The way this is formatted makes it somewhat hard to follow. A suggestion:
Wandering in the primeval valley of fear,
for many a long day and year
Looking for any hope that happens to
reside in the dark, over here
I'm not fond of the rhymes. Love/dove for example has been used so many times it can not be counted. As well as "year/here/fear."
I do like the theme and the idea of being fearless. Thanks for entering.
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So many wonderful images, The Golden Fleece, the Doppler shift, as you express how not to be fearless. Nothing will ever encase you, with such wonderful talent that you have shared here!
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i feel so much dumder today, most the words i couldn't even read i just had to look. but the one i did know, well its almost a holy wriite. buut just DARKesst...ummm. deep. sorry i need some words defined for me....
pleeeeeeeease
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All your expressive works
24 years of schooling and I could never come up with half of your vocabulary!
This is a very expressive writing, and seem personal also
I really enjoyed your talent your expressive work and your direct clearness in what you’re saying
Bravo to your Talent
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*georges how do you do it.. you constantly amaze me with your poetry.. I don't know what else to say.. but you have more talent in your little finger than I do in my entire being.. congrats on a nother awesome poem..
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No angel to strum you to sleep with their magick and secret chorded lyre
Just the stamping of black horses feet and the fuelling of the funeral pyre
Walk past the mourners and ignore the wail of the Banshee
Past the creation of the identity and the product of the just and the free
oh grand papa you continue new heights of darkness that I love you more and more for. you are a true inperation to me and I aso deeply adore you. I love you grand pa pa -
I love all the references, and the way you smoothly inserted them into the piece. Other than a few lines which were a bit awkward and stood out (only rhythm-wise), it is a wonderful poem, the first two stanzas being my favourite part.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
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