I'm bathed in dawn light now.
Resting, not sleeping, in a cold bed
Waiting for the end of another day already.
And simply passing time.
Not living.
Not even alive.
Just waiting.Wilting slowly.
Can you remember a time when this smile was real?
That willful abandonment of self preservation
The tiny 15 year old who didn't know
And didn't care.
The world felt so beautiful, like nothing
Could ever touch.
Photographs. Meaningful emotion. Memories.
One eternal summer.
The place Heaven will return me to.
I'll settle for existence now.
Living is just always out of reach.
And why should I ask for more?
Living hurts too much. I want to keep the rest
of my Soul in tact.
I can't ask more of you.
Not anymore.
Never, ever, the same person.
Dead and buried.
Eternally missed.
Beautiful release in the dark at night
On top of that hill looking down
And wondering what is everyone Else's life like.
Simple things - washing. eating. making love.
Thousands of people.
Billions.
And just us, so untouchable, so close to the sky
I can reach it.
All the emotion just would not seep in.
Its like there's something in there,
blocking it.
I felt it at the time,
So alive- for once!
So loved.
But it just won't stay inside.
Its still one of the best moments of my life.
Can we go again?
I want to feel that forever.
And how can I stay there
Looking at that perfection.
There's just too much beauty to bear
When I find myself so ugly.
A pathetic little wretch who hides from the dark.
And can't look in the mirror.
That face just isn't mine.
Just a bitch - It looks like I don't care
But i do - oh God, I do.
Just no longer feel important.
Laid out under a sickened sky,
A blanket of mildewed stars to cover me
With an unsupressable shame.
No one can think worse of me
Than I do of myself.
It’s lonely here,
And cold.
Please close the window, draw the curtains,
And come back to bed.
I’m almost frightened by the light as much as the dark
Darkness hides my skin, and my tear stained face.
There is no hiding from the light.
Straining my eyes,
And blinking into a twisted haze of surrender.
Nothing can save you,
Because no one can seep inside and push it all out
Now lay me to rest.
And lets have no more of this nonsense.
Adding your comment:
This write has left me in such a state that for once, I truly don't know what to say other than the following two Exclamations:
5 old applause
