He has left again.
Each time, the same story.
"I love you but..."
She starts to cry and the story continues.
"I can't live without you but..."
The tears stop.
"I'll be back when..."
The smile returns to her face.
She can't see him for what he truly is.
I can.
But what do I know.
I'm just a dog. (And so is he)
Author notes
A different perspective.
Inspired by Vickie J's picture inspiration contest. Painting by David Hettinger
Written June 1st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration # 7 by Vickie J.
300 points, ended June 3, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 65 of 65
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Excellent write with the one talking being what the man is all along!! I enjoyed this very much..
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That was amazing, I love the picture and how you made the poem fit!! It was great, thanx for sharing
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Wow!!!
I really like this it speaks to me on so many levels... So many people have told me this about my boyfriend just not quite this way! I dunno what to say! I am speachless, bit I love it!
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really sweet...it shows lots of emotions and many different ways...
Caycee -
loved it...
Did not expect it to be a dogs point of view, and coming from an avid dog lover...i loved it lol.
you often have to wonder what it is they are thinking, or what they would say if they could.
brilliant
Tasha
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even I did enter in ths contest but never wrote something so twisting and beautiful. The fact is that it is really something happy for me...though it is meant to be sad, but the twist in the end gives it entirely a different look from my presprective (hope that's a word) but, this sometmies confuse me about the speaker (never mind)
The important thing is that I LOVED the way you phrased the poem and the way it emerged. I mean you didn'[t write the ccomplete story to make it long, bore and dull (long things can become so
) but prefered it to remain a mystery which added to suspence...
Brillant Write And Esteem Thoughts -
Wow! You had me fooled until the end. I was wondering who was speaking, but never dreamed it was the old pooch. They are more perceptive than most people think. Thank you for such a wonderful entry!~vj
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Aww this was a really cute poem about man's Best friend. Great Job!
~Amanda -
This is wonderful and quite interesting in the end! Even though they don't speak our language, dogs can be excellent observers. Good job and good luck!
Marie
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Wonderful ending !! I had no clue about such an end .Lovely sense of humour!
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WONDERFUL!
Wow! This is amazing. The twist at the end is wonderful. Very, very well written. Good luck to you in the contest. Your creativity is awesome. Blessings! Tammy -
This was truely amazing!!!! And something I really needed to hear!!!! Thanks soooo much for sharing!!!! Great write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Put in quotes and put question mark after
This is so adorable. I think you did a great job on coming up with a creative story for the picture. Good luck in the contest. -
This is pretty awesome, I must say. Very good write, very very good.
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"But what do I know.
I'm just a dog. (And so is he) " id say that dogs know an awful lot, like being able to recognise one of their own kind . brilliant poem, love truly is blind.
- amyz -
Kicks ass!
AH! I've been there to help my friends through this. really good poem! I gots to give you MAD props on this. pinl-roses is right about a dog seeing another one for what he is more than the woman in the middle of the conflict. BUT pesky poets like you are writing something that ALWAYS pulls readers in. GREAT READ TOO! Keep up the kick-ass work. It kicks ass. -
really liked the perspective you took here - i doubt many other people in the contest will have written from the point of view of the dog.
The idea of the dog seeing the man for what he is more than the woman is very clever - shows how little we see when we are in love.
Really liked this one - fresh.
pinkx -
I bet there are many pooches out there that think this about us humans. this was a great and original poem. I loved the perspective
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hehe ooh this one has me laughing! I love it! It's so short but it captures so much and the ending was a lovely little twist. Best of luck in this contest! Thanx for sharing and brightening my day.
~noir ~
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This is a wonderful write you have here dear poet. It is very nicely written. An interesting perspective you've taken in telling you short but relateable story. The picture goes well with the poem and fits it nicely, at first one would think it was about the girl over looking the dog but to my surprise atleast it was from the dogs perspective which is a nice touch as well. Overall very nice write. Keep up the excellent work.
~Jinx
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ah a great poem capturing the essense of hopeless love, well done!
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a true story
I'm just a dog. (And so is he)
she'll wait and wait till he comes back
never thinking about what it is he lacks
change is hard for so many
what is it in him she sees?
as he opens the door to leave
she is swept by a gentle breeze
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mike, this was wonderfully clever presceptive you created. The personifcation of dog and equating the lover to the dog was brillant and original. great job. image and Visions
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hehehe...lovely job!
i fully enjoyed it! -
very interesting, although a bit short. i enjoyed the ending, it gave it such a nice twist, and that really made this poem quite enjoyable.
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canu say creative?! wow!! this piece is so deep and meaningful, i love it...keep them coming
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This is one of the better things I've found on here in a while. Good job Sir. I was sucked in and didn't realise what was going on until the end, you pesky poet.
I don't know if you've heard about a British politician called Geoffrey Archer, he was a total scumbag and got sent to prison for lying about relationship with a prostitute in court. One of his 'lesser' misdemeanours (lesser in the sense that he was a total con all round) was he went to a school and read some childrens stories. A little girl had wrote a story where the twist at the end was that the dog had been the narrator. 18 months later Archer released a best selling novel where, yep you guessed it, the twist at the end was that the dog was the narrator. -
this is a grat poem, you look see poem's from the dog's side of it all. this was a refreshing view from the other side and just as the heartbroken get hurt and the heartbreaker knows that he/she hurts.
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this is nice, short but you can really see what it's about and the picture went well with it. nice job and well done. return the favor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dani~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -
Clever, indeed
that is really cute, and sad. So you are tellingme the poor woman in the picture has a cheeting husband who lies to her about everything, but she cannot see through it? Which further states the fact that love is blind! She must really be in love, and I am going to hate to see her when she figures out that he isn't as truthful as she had thought. It is a very good poem, I must say, i like the ones that make you think for aminute afteward! I was thinking before i read this poem that possibly you were going to portray the woman of being either missing someone, since she looks kind of down, or you were going to write about her wishing she was somewhere else..like she was day dreaming...but what you did..its different! I do not think I have ever read a poem so good in taste and the fact that the dog can see what the woman cannot. It puts a twist to the fact that a dog is a mans best friend, becuase he cannot tell the woman what is really happening..he is keeping the man's scret against his own will! Very clever, indeed! Keep writing from such original views! Take care, and God bless! -
this is great and although sad, it made me smile at the end with the humourous take on the situation, the dog's point of view, a fab and interesting take on the picture, it worked really well and this is a pretty, enjoyable little poem, i loved it, thankyou for sharing,
Mim
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Great
That is so good and cute. I just like it!!!!!! That's all I have to say. It even flow nicely. -
Oh, so cool! The dog knows better then the pretty lady what a cad he is! Very good!
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Gorgeous!
Very sweet but nevertheless sad. The situation is somehow a little tragic because the dog cannot rescue its mistress from a human "dog"...very well observed and described.
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Excellent
A cleverly constructed poem with a surprising and witty ending--impressive!
Cheers,
Bad Bill -
It really describes the picture well. I love how you wrote it from the dog's point of view.
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Nice.
An interesting piece. The flow is okay, doesn't really need it though. It seems to have its own energy, if you understand that in the slightest. I like the twist at the end, with the narrator of the poem turning out to be a dog, that was a very VERY nice twist, and you won me over totally right there. Not the best I have ever read, but one I must admit, that I like. -
I like the perspective you wrote this from. I especially like the last line. It's really good. Good luck.
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Bravo i will aplaud this for your hard work i know it took a long time to write this but i love it how your picture corespond with your words. I like this its interesting like a series of a tv show and you want to know wat happens next but you have to wait for the next upcoming on.
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well.. i want more from this story write... and to take the dogs point of view..very novel idea... peace and harmony...shzoosy
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wow... good one normally not into the non rhyming poems, but this one gets the message right across! Good work!
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Edit to Excellence
Wonderful original take on the picture and sadly true for so many women. I like the first line:He has left again.
a single statement, flat but it should be.
These could be more origianl but are okay:Each time, the same story."I love you but..."
Here I think it is too , I don't know something, sorry can't get the word but I would leave out the story part.
She starts to cry and the story continues.
Here I am not clearn who is speaking, if it is the dog, it should not be in quotes beacuse he is stating waht he heard not what he said.
"I can't live without you but..."
The tears stop.
"I'll be back when..."
The ending is terrific, a great twist and even with the dog in the picture unexprected. I would take off the parenthesis though.
But what do I know.
I'm just a dog. (And so is he)
All this said, it is great. Good luck in the contest. Remember this is IMHO only, do with it as you will.
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thats a really good poem i love how u interpreted that from the picture. i lvoe the angle to took with it aswell. very good.
rache -
This is a really sweet poem I actually giggled when I read the comment box, yip you had me for a while too !!lol
Well written and indeed a pleasure to read xxx -
Super
Dude, that was an awesome ending. Totaly irony. I wasn't expecting that at all. I like the added comment (and so is he) also. I really like the way you put this poem togther. Keep up the work, and the style. Not many people can do what you did with that picture. -
Lol This was quite cute, and SO true. Sad, but still quite true, and this poem captures the essence of this kind of situation very well. I applaud those efforts. Sometimes, the eyes of a person in love are completely clouded... they can't see anything but that person... it's the people AROUND them that see the truth. And then everyone is faced with "do I say something or not?". Ugh. Such an ugly situation to be in. It's nice to see you take that situation and give it a sarcastic comic effect, by using the dog as the outside viewer.
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Interesting use of all aspects of the picture, a very unpredictible twist in your reflection. Good write.
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i liked this very much the twist at the end was amazing i would love to know what animals are thinking,it would b a new insight into the world
well done -
great
This is lovely. i like the fact that you have written it from the perspective of the animal, who sees all of an argument. great write very impressive, well done! -
Hi, except a man will never have not even 1% of the loyalty a dog has,lol, pretty idea in the voice of the dog a very nice write, all the best in the comp, hugs Di
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I like it very much. At first I thought the lady in the picture was speaking the poem. But then it was the dog!!! Wow! Really good poem!!
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Very, very clever, the words reflect the picture brilliantly, and the sign off is brilliant. it added a really good twist to the end of the poem, it was very enjoyable
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very good! I liekd this alot!
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heartfelt
I like this poem, for a minute you got me, I tought you were goin' to use the dog's prespective, but now I know what you meant...
It's sad, but say's a lot, It hurt's bein' used, or just havin' that for a feelin' it hurt's there's no other way to put it, except it hurt's...It really sad though, I mean the second when you let your guard down, is the same second he come's in, and break's her heart...This poem is a heartfelt poem and I like it... Good job and keep it up...
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I was drawn in by your emotion of the opening lines and had my heart uplifted and the comical spin on the ending. Well done and good luck for the contest.
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Insightful
wouldn't it be fantastic if our pets could talk? People we have in our lives aren't always truthful but what the pets see.... Oh my! I love this. -
I like the emotional effect that you of comparing the behavor of a dog, that was very effective in many ways than one, its sad though to have to face a truce like that.
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very good
great write my friend keep it up and thank you for sharing this with us i just love the twist at the end
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Awww...This was a great write. It really shows what we go through when we love someone. We would do anything for them and when they are gone we think and we feel like we are going to hatter to pieces right then and there. It is really diffucult to express how that feels but you done a great job at it. You have alot of talent.
I would appreciate it if you would read/comment some of my writes.
Thanks
-Lisha Dawn
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Great!
Good ending. I liked it "But what do I know, I'm just a dog ( and so is he). You just can't beat animal instincts. If only he could let her know somehow that her man is a cheater. -
This is a great write, honestly, it really shows the foolishness that we go through when we are blind to love...hey I will admit to having been there several times...and I am hoping I am not currently doing the same thing. It's funny cos animals must have some sort of sense, but they can't express it....great write!!!
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This is a great write. I used to be a dog but I change for better. I don't know why but I am pretty it is because I believe in karma. You ripe what you sow. That is why in life one can not be quick to judge. Sometimes, we see one suffering and we wonder why. Oh well, who knows, we are taking life for granted. It is a beautiful thing when we love one another. It sucks to know one is crying or is in pain because of our own sick pleasure or dumb ass behavior. Bye the way, great write...
Keep it coming -
nice write ,never looked at things that way before keep up the good work
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very nice, looking at it from a different perspective.
i thought it would be from the girls point of veiw, until you revealed that it wasnt.
but that was your point.. wasnt it?
haha, nicely done! -
amazing
This is cute. It's a comforting sense of affection from an animal that most people take advantage of. I like this. It's very unique and so cute!
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