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The Marseilles Diligence

Missing image

On board the Marseilles Diligence
  my love and I did ride
And there she gambled on a chance
turned her sweet face and lied
I had no mind to recompense
but trembled with due fear
Of fell and certain circumstance
of payment deep and dear

On board the Marseilles Diligence
my love and I did kiss
By rain and river’s confluence
where meeting waters hiss
A person of great prominence
who boarded at the town
Betrayed my lover’s innocence
and played me for a clown

I stopped the Marseilles Diligence
beyond the forest deep
In heat I murdered all romance
and laid my love to sleep
So now by man’s black contrivance
I am obliged to die
By law’s sharp-bladed severance
and by my lover lie

Beware the Marseilles Diligence
if you would travel south
The Reaper’s hand and governance
the wraith’s complaining mouth
The Fates’ insane and horrid dance
the ghostly march of brides
Beside you in the Diligence
my restless spirit rides

 

 

Author notes

A gothic narrative - hinted at, rather than told directly - in English hymn metre.

Written May 31st, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Rosefrn silver member
    November 17
    ?
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    wow, this is an amazing piece. are you a proffesional writer? this is seriously amazing.


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      November 17
      ?
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      Thank you.

      Well, I have been published, but currently I don't make enough from writing to consider myself "professional".


  • Riamh
    September 12, 2008

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    That is a fine piece of writing that any poet would be proud to have in their portfolio.
    Well done Mairí.
    Slán, a chara
    Slayer

  • zorman32
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Pretty Good

    and by my lover lie -> and by my lovers lie.

    Nice write, the oldest vices known to man collide and none survive. Lust, jealousy, vengeance, and all of them parade behind the word "love." Nice write indeed.

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I must admit I toyed with that hint of cause-and-effect, but I wanted to include the concept that the "narrator" had been buried.

      I am grateful for your appreciation.


  • lostangel07
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You write well, to write anything that rhymes and rhymes well is a challenege many poets do not accept nor do well. I enjoyed this write and it was a charming and entertaing poem.


  • Age of Rain
    September 12, 2008

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    Oh My! You start with with an AMAZING rhyme between 'diligence' and 'chance' and have a marvelous flow through out. Don't think I didn't notice the strict syllable count, I did. *grins*

    I have to say, I adore this form and love the many beautiful images you have written here. From start to finn, this is a stunning write. And I have nothing to suggest for improvement. Gorgeous!

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 12, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I must admit I stretched the rhyme a little - the last syllable of "Diligence" is pronounced "jhawnss" in this context - but it was fun.

      • Age of Rain
        September 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I read, write, and speak French (not fluently... yet), so it made perfect sense to me. When I read 'Marseilles' I immediately put the whole thing in a French accent in my mind.

        • Mairi bheag gold member
          September 12, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          ... Though (I hope) not a Marseilles accent! With all due respect to les Marseillais, it has quite a sound to it!


  • trekkergirl
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is like reading a story when I was in school. I like the way it reads. Was very interesting and kept wonderful pace. And I just couldn't stop reading it til I was finished. And the last stanza was worth the wait.


  • Dark Otter
    September 11, 2008

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    Contemplate!

    I read through this twice. The first time I couldn't catch what you were doing. The second time, my music sent me there. I got it. Don't worry if the judges don't. Each to his own level. The vernacular of that period is difficult. Your form is difficult to work within. Yet, you still created a dark, somewhat gothic piece. You gave it a nice edginess that deals with dark romanticism. Thank you for sharing, Mairi. I hop someday to imatate this style of form. ABABCDCD, alternate 8 and 6 syllable, metered

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I was trying to do a couple of things with this poem. To start with, it actually uses a little-recognised form called "English hymn metre" (as does this one, more obviously http://allpoetry.com/poem/2299105 ) with alternating iambic tetrameter and trimeter. Secondly, I have tried to imply a story, rather than tell it, by hinting at elements of a narrative; in doing so, I hope I have created a gothic atmosphere. Because of the archaism of style, I have even used a device which (normally) I hate - a verb construction with "did": "my love and I did ride/kiss". I think I can get away with this when trying deliberately to create an old-fashioned style and feeling.

      I am glad you enjoyed it.


      • zorman32
        September 12, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        Archaism of style

        It has always confused me that the notion of Poetry is that there is a freedom found no where else in written form, and yet some people want to hang rules on it until it's more a crossword puzzle than an art. I use archaism all the time, and the more crap I catch for it, the more I do it. My vote - bravo, it worked well with the piece.


  • Karlie67
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so cool! I love how you end it it was really awesome, thank you for entering with this fantastic write!

    Good luck & keep writing!
    Karlie
    xxx

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, Choirangel. I do my best, as the inspiration comes and goes. I am glad you liked this one - thank you for your comments.


  • Heartofacircle
    June 4, 2006
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    oh wow this was great. but sad in its own ways too ..very flowing throughout the whole piece though, and very good with spacing, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry here.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 1, 2006
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    Caducus, I think any comment from me beyond "thank you" would be superfluous. Thank you.


  • effundo
    June 1, 2006
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    After readingn your comment on my latest post i thought I'd read one of yours and the impact of the comment you left on mine is more special because you write so eloquently yourself.

    This flows like a chardonnay and has a very vitorianesque feel to it. You've combined a more modern meter and tone to an truly olde fashoined feel without loss of focus. I've read many of these types of poems before and to be honest most suck ass but this has a novel idea and narrative with characterizations and intricate word craft.

    Well done !


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
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    Toots, it's mutual.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Bazza, there is nothing I can teach you, dear lad - I long for the genius of a folk-poet sometimes.


  • Toni A Christman
    May 31, 2006
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    This is just beautiful! I love the ending - I love all things ghostly, and this is really great! You have a talent I admire, dear sister.


  • Bazza
    May 31, 2006
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    Beutifully written and vividly presented.

    Mairi I love this wonderful vividly painted poem that is excellent and gives a poor raw folk poet something to appreciate and learn from, even from far away down here.
    Wonderful story and cleverly written with much skill and talent.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
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    David - praise from Caesar.

  • Mercury Rising
    May 31, 2006
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    exceptional

    An impeccable ballad of great eloquence and beauty. Your pursuit of excellence is just one of the many fine qualities which are so apparent in your poetry. Keep up the marvelous work!

    All the best!
    david a.ka. Nevada


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    And there I was thinking it was 100% me!

  • Eusebius
    May 31, 2006
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    Bravo!

    Oh, this IS most excellent indeed! Just a bit of Alfred Noyes and a drop or two of Fitz-James O'Brien! I loved this one! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! (Did I say "Bravo!!!"?...Bravo!)


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
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    Love ya back, Sis. One "brilliant" from you is worth the Nobel Prize!

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
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    Vale, many thanks. I wrote this on a journey this morning, in a notebook, in spidery, jagged writing, each image crashing after the next into my mind.


  • Moon Fae
    May 31, 2006
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    Wow - just wow. Brilliant - I will be back when I have a chance to give a better review doll. Love ya! J


  • Vale Of Shadows
    May 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    This really is a marvellous piece of writing.Thoroughly enjoyable to read; I find the rhyming techniques that you use to be exquisite in execution and effect.

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Many thanks for your flattering comments (I mean I feel flattered, more so knowing you are sincere). I greatly appreciate them.

  • Farkas1
    May 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi

    It is a real pleasure to read a work so far ahead of the mundane routinely posted.
    Your writing is smooth, practiced, and meticulously adheres to poetic form. You represent that thin upper crust of poets who deserve to be published and more importantly read.

    Farkas1

1 - 35 of 35