Now the end has come around,
All alone, no one there,
Darkness swoops and swallows the surround,
Everyone gone and no one cares,
A puddle of tears upon the bedroom floor,
No one there to save me,
Nothing left to adore,
As slowly my fate I begin to see,
The end has come, nothing left to do,
Apart from to sit, wait and pray,
Hopefully I can see it through,
But my emotions won’t delay…
The beginning of the end,
Scared I am all alone,
There is no time to comprehend,
Fear is no longer unknown,
Nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide,
My life is over before it has begun,
And yet I have so much still to confide…
The end is drawing nigh,
A fate to face all alone,
To heaven with my family would I fly?
Or at the gates of hell would I be known?
Why did life have to end this way?
It’s time to go and there is nothing I can do,
As the world around me turns dull and grey,
The worse of it all is that I knew,
So prolonged to take me,
Suffering and yet now on my own,
Soon from my body I would be set free,
The worse of it all is being all alone.
A puddle of tears upon the bedroom floor,
No one there to save me,
Nothing left to adore,
As slowly my fate I begin to see.
Author notes
Written May 31st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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No I dont mind and thank you for the comment, it is always nice to hear others peoples suggestions.
Bluemoon
Edited on Sep 09, 2:19 p.m. because ''. -
I thought this showed great emotion! Excelleng use of words to express the feelings of being swallowed by the woes of the world. Just a few small suggestions I will put in parenthesis...
Now the end has come around,
All alone, no one there,
Darkness swoops and swallows the surround,
Everyone('s) gone and no one cares,
The end is drawing nigh,
A fate to face all alone,
To heaven with my family would (will) I fly?
Or at the gates of hell would(will) I be known? (to keep the tense consistent)
Why did life have to end this way?
It’s time to go and there is nothing I can do,
As the world around me turns dull and grey,
The worse(worst) of it all is that I knew,
So prolonged (? Not sure this is the right word, maybe inclined would fit better) to take me,
Suffering and yet now on my own,
Soon from my body I would (will) be set free,
The worse (worst) of it all is being (don't really need the all) alone.
Hope you don't mind my two cents worth!
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A little inverted in parts but really emotional and moving
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This was really sad. In the first part I thought it was shaky, however the end of it pulled it all together. This was really great, you did a wonderful job of showing your emotions.
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From Sukrit
Very good expression and imagery,This is a very sad write for life.You express everything well,The lines:-
The beginning of the end,
Scared I am all alone,
There is no time to comprehend,
Fear is no longer unknown,
Nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide,
My life is over before it has begun,
And yet I have so much still to confide…
The end is drawing nigh,
A fate to face all alone,
To heaven with my family would I fly?
Or at the gates of hell would I be known? are brillaint.
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This is such a sad write, and very well done you express yourself well and include some excellent imagery.
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