oppression
depression
living a lie
too weak to swallow my grief
entertaining the thought
"what if I die"
it wouldn't be so bad
right?
if I do the dead
let me bleed
pull the plug?
I could just
BOOM!
the room's white walls
crying
crimson tears
I can't go another day
of her blaming you
for me being gay
I can't stay
another moment
wish you could come
take me away
from this HELL where
she is Queen
she reigns supreme
she thinks she can tell me who I can
and cannot fuck
well
good luck your royal highness
but I must confess that I'm very stressed
and if you keep this up I might
well....
you know the rest
Author notes
Option 3
In a list
A contest entry
- Dark or Dark Poems by SecretMe15.
320 points, ended September 20, 2006, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - She's Everything You're Not by Exodus.
1050 points, ended April 27, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LGBT POETRY CONTEST!!! by Isabel Cult.
450 points, ended October 31, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Yeah, my mum is like that too... I always think I see disgust in her eyes. Maybe I'm just paranoid
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Before I say anything about the poem I would really appreciate it if you put the option number in your authors notes before the contest closes, just so when I'm judging I know which one you've written about.
Onto the poem, I am lucky enough that my mother accepts me for who I am, and who I chose to date, unfortunately, my girlfriend mother is not so understanding, so I do find this poem very relatable on a personal level.
I do have a few suggestions with this piece, the first is to get rid of the "crimson tears" line. I don't know how many poems I have read with that in it and it is never a good thing. It brings the whole poem down because of how cliche it has become. The other idea is to add some punctuation to the piece, show the reader where you intend your pauses etc.
Thank you for entering and best of luck
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I thought it made sense. This was a great poem though I'm sorry if you went/are going through this. Keep writing, this was a very sad poem
Best wishes
Pozo
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This needs re-working, it doesn't make sense:
"if I do the dead
let me bleed
pull the plug?"
Another messaged piece I've read today, more in-tune with the self but those need to be written.
This (the writing style) reminds me of my early days of writing, I am glad I am passed it .. tho, memory lane is nice.
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great job
hey, i like this poem,i am so used to reading youger poeples poetry(between13and18), but you have talent
it reminds me of one of my poems
the depresion of a lonly heart
anyway,ttly -
O.o, now this is pretty good. I especially like the end. It's so sad that your mom has problems with your sexuality, and that DEFINETLY comes across in this piece.. lol. Just one critique. Please please please please try to not ever use the word "crimson". I don't know where the trend started, but it's just becoming slightly irritating. I'm not saying you copied anything, but way too may poets use that word. Just a warning. Great write, and best of luck in the contest!
xxBliss
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