Dad was just frustrated
The hospital was evacuated
All he wanted to do was see his mom on life support
He'd just got back from court
He didn't mean to yell
But what's a nice way to tell
That your mother may have died
You could have at least tried to understand
But no, you ran
And now fifteen years later
You think you can show up and magically fix that crater
In my life that you made
I'm sorry but that love can't be saved
You should have heard my first word it was mom
As soon as I said it, it dropped like a bomb
You see that word was suppose to be a name
Instead now it just means pain
Cause you weren't there, you didn't care
And I know this life isn't fair
But I never had that mother who I could share
All of my deepest joys, fears, and secrets
And know that in her heart she'd forever keep it
Graduation, marriage, prom
Now you want to be there to hold my arm
Where were you when I flew my first kite
Where were you when I got into my first fight
Where were you when I turn sixteen
And I finally meet my queen
You hurt me more than can be seen
And I don't want to sound mean
I'm just going to tell you what's up
I'm going to hold my head up
cause the things I need to succeed in this life are few
In fact only two
And I want you to know none of the two are you
And before my goodbye I have one more thing to say
I hope you have a Happy Mother's day
A contest entry
- Another Anything At All Contest by Poetic Rage.
375 points, ended August 15, 2007, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Superb
Wow, a very poignant write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks, for sharing this one with us.
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wow excellet poem
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Well, I am going to give you my honest opinion on this piece. I would give it a C+. Your rhyme scheme is what I would call average. It seems to me as if you could have used stronger wording to explain this deep inner pain that follows you around like a shadow every day of your life. It seems as if you are just recalling painful family events. You have built a VERY strong foundation to bulid on, but I feel as if there is so much more to this write that you could have installed. I am also a victim in this very same situation, for my mother left me as a toddler with my loving grandparents to pursue a career in Chicago. But now I am a mother, a grandmother, and until I had children, I was just like you, madder than hell at my mom. It seems as if now that I am grown, she has also grown, and still being five hours away from her, my pain of all of this still is present every second. But, moms are just human, we don't know what they were going through at that period in their life. I am not trying to be rude by any means. Your emotion in this piece is superb. For a sixteen year old, you have already been so mentally ripped off in this crazy life. In the bible it says not to repay an evil with an evil. So to me, if my mom needs me now, I will be there for her. We get only one mother, and if we continue to blame her for our unhappiness in life, then we miss out on so many things. I try to direct my energy positively for my heart can't stand any more cracks. It was an honor to read your piece. Your talent as a penner has much, much potential. Concentrate on that, or try.
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY -
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thanks for the indepth comment
that peom was written a while ago so much has changed since then, but all of your words are appreciated and i will deffinately try to follow some of your advice.
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It's an interesting write, being a father and a grandfather I can see where the father son relationship can sour. It's a shame it happens and some folks carry it the grave. I hope that's not you case. Happy trails
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Heartfelt
It does bring the emotions floating on the top layer of life's ocean filled with painful dirt that pollutes the waters of relationship which is suppose to be sacred and most precious between a mother and her kid...
months keeping them safe in womb
waiting for the moment to arrive
finally guardian angel hands over and angel in arms
tenderly smiling with bright golden eyes
shinning with hope to be held tight with TLC
but then the night falls upon
unfortunate parent leaves behind
the most precious one with longing eyes
only to live by choice the life of the dead
My dear such parents, be it mother or father they are the most unfortunate ones to walk out from the Kohinoor - the most precious diamond in the world... priceless... this is a beautifully written sad story that unfairly happens in every corner of the world... it needs to be stopped & you are helping by doing your part well... good luck in the contest... take care Minoo
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wow this poem really brought tears to my eyes I'm sorry that your lifeturned out like that and im sorry that you had to have a life with no mother. best of luck to ya great write keep up the good work
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Wonderful
OmG the poem made me cry it was deppressing If this is what you have gone through my deepest simpathy it was wonderfully writen and it really touched my soul -
This a very emotional write, so expressive of what goes on in the mind and heart of someone who loses their mother. I could feel that pain and the anger, too.
I may be mistaken, but I interpreted this poem to be about a mother who died giving birth to her child?
I hope you can soon resolve any issues with your Dad ( Your author comment) Always try to not let a day be wasted on grievances, and being on bad terms with anyone, especially a parent. Life is just too darned short to waste even a minute of it.
A good, heartfelt write
Dee
Edited on Jun 02, 3:01 because ''.
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