Truth be told, I'm terrified.
In the end all you have is yourself.
My killer is not someone I can hide from.
A victim of myself.
I can't need your arms more -
But cannot need them enough.
And only one kind of salvation
seems probable.
Breaking promises never was easy.
Its harder when the promise is your life.
Remind me of that when the desperation has passed.
And you're bathing me clean.
Never good enough to leave you empty.
For fuck sake, shut off brain. Shut up.
Stop this.
Please, stop expecting me to respond to reason.
When did everything become quite so - strange.
3 am, my pillow is a murderer.
The room spinning.
The dark is alive and crawling, and I am trapped here.
A terrified, pathetic little lump.
In the morning I'll feel stupid.
And still the same.
Its not so bad in the light, is it?
If I die, will someone hold my hand?
No-one wants to kiss a corpse.
Did I die?
How do I know I didn't already,and this is Hell?
Are you sure?
I don't like the silence.
I can hear myself think.
I can picture my own grave - cold, lonely.
And don't remember me for this.
Delete these God damned words.
My name on that stone, means nothing.
If someone dies, how long
before you realise they're gone?
When you just want to hold them, thinking
That will make it better.
They're not there.
So hold me while you can and keep me here.
This shouldn't be a daily struggle.
Not everything is a weapon.
Cables aren't ropes
And painkillers aren't eternal sleeping pills.
And that bleach is for the toilet, not my stomach.
And I shave with the those razors, I don't bleed
the life out of myself with them.
And the oven isn't there to poison me.
And that window won't open for a reason.
And that road isn't meant to be walked along.
And those cars don't deserve to end your life.
There are people in them.
And left behind.
Is it really the cowards way out?
Could YOU do it?
If you're sane - no.
Take yourself to the edge of life.
And tell me its the easy option
I want that release.
But not tonight.
Tonight?
Now tell me its the easy way out.
Author notes
ramble. babble.
desperation.
Written May 30th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wow...wow.. i really dont know where to start, this definetley is a unique and amazing poem. it feel like being alone in a dark place where truly all you hear are your own thoughts. I really liked it, great job!
S.C
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hehe you are MY favourite. it means so much that you read more of my work
honestly, i cant thank you enough -
i LOVE when people put the time into their poem.
that was awesome.
"I can't need your arms more -
But cannot need them enough."
this reminds me of someone..... i ughhhh girl.
you are my favorite.
i feel like i've read this before.
shiiiit. i have.
god danmmmmittt. haha oh well.
<3 -
Hey han!
I loved the lines:
'I can't need your arms more -
But cannot need them enough', because they show your desire for independence and that you want someone to lean on, if that makes sense. And this line, too:
'And that window won't open for a reason', just because it's so personal to you. It's good that you're letting these feelings out, I often feel like thoughts will take me over if I don't write them down, can't imagine what it must be like for you. And now the traditional row of kisses
:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cos I love you -
Hey han!
I loved the lines:
'I can't need your arms more -
But cannot need them enough', because they show your desire for independence and that you want someone to lean on, if that makes sense. And this line, too:
'And that window won't open for a reason', just because it's so personal to you. It's good that you're letting these feelings out, I often feel like thoughts will take me over if I don't write them down, can't imagine what it must be like for you. And now the traditional row of kisses :
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cos I love you -
sometimes rambling is the best BEST way to put forth your feelings i think. haha i would know tahts all my writing is is a bunch of blablablas thrown together. but it means SO much more than cliche rhyming. if you truly feel this... you're not alone.
In the morning I'll feel stupid.
And still the same.
Its not so bad in the light, is it?
i know.
i really enjoyed reading this. im really concidering reading more. ok i am going to read more. thanks for sharing your writing=]
xx. With Love And Respect,
Sara. -
Wow this is really great.
I can so relate to these
feelings. Great job
expressing them.
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for taking the
time to read and comment
on my poetry. I really
appreciate it.
Jeannie D
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who is rick?
adn the poem is listend under personal, so yes it is part of my life.
thankyou for taking thetume to read and comment.
pink.x -
Wow this is well written poetry we have here love the imagery and the pushing and pulling of emotions great show of a depression state....
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Very morbid and extreamyl troubeling to read.
I hope this is untrue and not a part of your life, Rick
I cannot grade this in any way -
You are truly inspiring! What a great read! It is terribly sad, but you are right, we are our own worse enemy. I have often thought along these same lines, and my poems are wracked with the same ideas. But never have come close to the magnitude in which you have portrayed them here. Good job, and thank you for writing!
~ADAM~ -
ultimately, we're our own worst enemy. i don't thin anyone expects more of ourselves than we do ourselves. i know i am/do. in every aspect of my life, i am never good enough to please myself. but then again, if i was. that would make me a bit conceited and selfish probably. that i could make any standard that i thought i needed to achieve, then life would become complacent.
now, on the other hand. we have those who think they meet every higher goal they achieve. would that not say something about their goals?
oh im all this im all that im mr perfect im the best at everything i do. well perhaps its because they lower their own bar.
know what im sayin'.
of course setting bars that we cannot reach has that tendecy to make one mad. but hey... i'd rather be craZy. it keeps ppl wondering what im up to.
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