dare devil fast
hard moving go
you're chick soft
so smooth groan
slow
your moves break winter
upon me here
an arsenal of weaponry beyond
this time of year...
lightning race-horse
around where time stops
everything is
smashing atoms
bursting clockwork
masterpieces,
lest your flesh
should flow freeform
we place our hands around your
tones,
an arsenal of silent
songs to calm our
silent bones.
Author notes
Written March 14th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Your best prewrite by glazecovered.
300 points, ended February 23, 2004, 274 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I have to say I like your work... but I don't quite know what to make of some of it. This one though, spoke to me. It reminded me of life with Joe; OK make that making love with Joe. It had all the passion and fervor of that climb to ecstasy… the rapturous moment where time stops and atoms collide. And yes, I understand the feeling that but for his hands my flesh would melt and puddle, so hold me there as the room sings and my body stills. Anyway that’s what I got out of your poem. I’m sure going to be embarrassed if you were writing about a horse race or something. Very interesting, I loved it thanks for sharing. Patti
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Not my type of poem but it is a great job. I agree with all the infuckingcrdibles that you have on here. That was some great work. The imagery that you have going on amazes me and I had a great time reading this piece. Good job and good luck.
Continue shining,
Baby Star -
Look at Claire Urwin's comment above. This is exactly how I feel. Except that I think I have the authority to say that this is exceptional, one of the best works so far. I loved the rhyming, it made the flow even better. Great job, you rock. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
~Anastasia -
holy wowers!
That was just.. oh my god!
i got these chills up and along my spine and oh wow, that hasnt happened in a while from a poem.
Thats just so blasted incredible. I have to bookmark this for when I need something good to read.
I cant say much more. that was fuckin inspirational.
-
criss cross applesauce
sitting indian style
and I dont even feel the pain in my knees
because you numbed my entire being
have to agree with Claire
infeckingcredible -
Like jangling, broken phrases twisting together. This is totally unique, I can't remember ever seeing work like this before. Fab!
-
and HOW!
silent songs for silent bones/lest your flesh should flow freeform/so smooth groan slow.
what a WEALTHY piece this is, as i believe all your others to be. one complaint:
using arsenal twice. i guess the comparison is there, weaponry vs. song. still, seeing the word twice here interrupted things for me. -
ps. infarkingcredible
just had to read it again -
I like your style and love this work.
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i wanted to just say "exceptional" and nothing else, but i kind of feel you need authority to use a word like "exceptional" and i dont have it but i used it anyway so maybe it "kind of" breaks feeling -
as a comment i feel inclined to just copy your poem and paste it right back to you - because there's not really anything else to say...
infuckingcredible -
wow, this was great. I loved the rhyme and sensuality. fascinating. "lest your flesh should flow freeform" I love that! so much imagery here, left out for the mind to explore. a little shorter than what I'm accustomed to from you, but and excellent piece none-the-less.
maith thú,
slán go foill,
Cáit
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