Sit back
In the corner
Of the space past eyes
In the mind of a mind
In the center of life
And feel what's real
And feel what's not
And feel what's good
Forget what's not
Just past eyes
In the core of what's you
The heart's in the mind
Rhyme through a story
And wax romantic
Like a Geisel
Allegory
Trip your self
There's no one watching
Pass through walls
They're fog if you let them
Fade
If you could touch time
And hold it then
Where would you take it?
Make it stop?
In the space past eyes
Like a bouncing toddler
Roll down hills
Clean juice-box spills
And scrape your knees
All in the space past eyes
Author notes
don't ask, because I don't know. I just got back in from running, and I think I might have that runner's high everyone's always talking about.
Written May 30th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hi ~ I agree with Felicitas, but all and all something I consider a good read. I liked the words you used and the even flow throughout.
Love,
Lane -
Yeah for runner's high - I, myself, have never experienced it but then again, I don't run unless I'm being chased by rabid dogs and that's only happened once. I'm rambling on because I agree, this would be a lovely song with a little bit of a change. Anyhoo - I expected this to be a little somehting else. I'm not sure what but the space past eyes could go in so many directions. I'd love to see if you go further witht this idea.
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Its been awhile, AP brother! Sorry I have not been on so much, that will change now that school is starting for me. It is my last year!
Anyways, your poem has a beat and a flow that made it pleasuarable to read. I have but one problem....I think you repeat phrases just a bit too much, like the word "feel." Repetitiveness is alright in its own way, but I feel it weakens you here.
I agree with dancingpuppet, this WOULD make an excellent song, I think rock would be good.
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Its so rythmic! I am very impressed with this poem and i feel the energy that was put into it. It would make a great emo song...
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iteresting, i liked it, it has really good flow and word choice in it. great job, even if you did write it on a runner's high
jan -
hey babe, very very good... I really liked this one from you...
Rhyme through a story
And wax romantic
Like a Geisel
Allegory
very interesting set there.... once again very good... ttyl hun
-kate
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Hmm, very nice, except you didn't capitalize it which makes it ammatureish. And why aren't you on? I thought my rules specifically stated for you stay on! Grrr.
Um, I think it's nice. Very nice. Deep. Sorry, on a sugar rush. I just had couscous. You know what couscous is? It's darn good vegan food, that's what! Woooooo couscous! My eyes are all stinging and watery from the onion I chopped up. Don't worry, I scrubbed my teeth.
Love,
meee
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