Bitter, twisted and ever jaded
crying tears of ice
the memory has never faded.
Cutting me like a serrated edge knife
inside a big part of me decays
rotting away my sad little life.
Your words stabbing me with such fury
so bitterly you spit your venom
standing alone affront your jury.
I showed no emotion or any fear
wouldn't give you that ammunition
I'm not that silly, I wouldn't dare.
walking away with my head held high
not letting you see what i felt inside
When you were out of sight, oh how I cried.
sadness turned to anger and ire
with each and every day that passed
and waiting for the day that you expire.
You're the reason I turned out like this
I read the obituaries every day
hoping to find you no longer exist.
Author notes
Just venting, i needed to get it off my chest. sort of a letter to a person who abused me both mentally and physically.
Written May 29th, 2006
A contest entry
- Open to anyone and everyone! by Aidenn.
600 points, ended February 12, 2007, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Depressing...Please enter by XHollowXEyesX.
700 points, ended April 6, 2007, 119 entries
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900 points, ended April 17, 2007, 32 entries
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440 points, ended May 19, 2007, 92 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter anything exept adult/erotic. ANYTHING ELSE GOES by Nicotine Eyes.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Last stanza was breath taking. Nicely written
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I thought this poem was extremely well written. I could just picture myself in that postiion. The words you used fit perfectly and I'll be checking your other pieces later as well. ;p
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this is an amazing poem although some of the rhyme could do with a little attention..the imagery is amazing and you have expelled your emotions perfectly very well done to you and good luck in the contest xx
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this was a really great write..i really enjoyed reading this..your words were powerful and emotional and i could realy relate to this..if you ever need someone to talk to im here keep writting your talented
~Chrissy~ -
wow what impact. I really love the deep level of sadness and anger within this poem, it feels so real and raw.especially love the ending.great work.
thanks for entering and goodlcuk. -
First of all, thank you for entering my contest. I really appreciate it, and I wish you the best!
this is amazing. excellent write. -
Awesome
Almost sounds like what I used to think. Good job getting it of your chest. Thank God thats over with. -
What a finish! So much hate and sadness. I've never read an ending quite that surprising, but it works so well. This is a good piece, that I definently can relate to, not crying or showing any emotion so that the perpetrator gets no satisfaction. Thanks for entering.
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Ohh..I think I found my favorite poem of the night...
"Bitter, twisted and ever jaded
crying tears of ice"
Very well way of opening..
"walking away with my head held high
not letting you see what i felt inside
When you were out of sight, oh how I cried."
~~<} I can really relate to that part...pride such a thing in life anymore... I agree with what everyone else has said so far...very well done and good luck in the contest... -
You have great way with words, and a very kind soul. People like you don't deserve to be hurt, and have people hurt them. Anyway, back to the poem. I was hooked by the first line, and even though you say it was just a vent, it was a very good vent. My favorite lines though, were:
"Your words stabbing me with such fury
so bitterly you spit your venom
standing alone affront your jury."
I can relate to those words very well. You could almost say they are my other half. Again, you did a very goo djob, and you are a very good writer. Keep it up! -
Wonderful job! You write very strong and full of emotion. Great from start to finish, wonderful ending. Such closer so often needed but never expressed. Good flow and rythme throughout. Great job.
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intense!
WOW! this is like raw meat! i can feel and nearly see the still open wounds of your heart! i dont comment much on others writings because i dont feel that i am qualified to judge the feelings of others; and each of our writings are important and sometimes our only outlet to vent our frustrations and emotions in a non-selfdestructive way. i had to comment here though as this one tore into my soul with its bitterness. it saddens me greatly that there is a being out there so vile that he would cause another soul to write this poem, especially the last stanza. i hope you find a way to heal a little in your heart and take that power over you away from him. -
This piece is powerful and packed with emotion. It was a dark that I liked, though from reading this, I would not like to get on your bad side. The emotion, imagery, and somehow, relativity to people that this piece holds are so bold! We all seek vengeance, though our thoughts usually wander to places we would never visit. I hope you never visit such a place as murder...etc. I liked the obituary part though, for it added more strength to the poem and your hatred towards this person. The rhyming scheme and flow were written with a lot of talent...especially since the rhyming wasn't forced. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest!
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YAY
Seems to be a purging of emotion and a touch of artistic drama also.
An epistle of lament and perhaps even truth.
A dual of real and fantasia?
I was fixed on reading this poem and it was well worth the FIX!
BRAVO
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wonderful
This poem is beautiful. So full of emotion, and you write so that the reader can feel as you felt. The use of metaphors is awesome! I absolutely love it! -
I think that once in the majority of peoples lives somebody goes through feeling like this. although when someone hurts you sometimes you feel that you want them back. but in order for a feeling of hatred for that person they must have done something terible.
-TransparentHeart -
I know how you felt I feel this way alot, but kinda wonder how it would be if it happen. This is a good way to get it out though.
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Wow, what an emotional poem...
"You're the reason I turned out like this
I read the obituaries every day
hoping to find you no longer exist."
I'm guessing this person was pretty harsh on you for you to look in the paper! Overall, it was great, and the way you play with language is amazing!Great job.
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Wow! Powerful write! Very good job expressing your pain. (I wouldn't want to be the one that inspired this poem!
Sincerely, Mary
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Great write keep up the good work
Luv Hend
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There are a lot of metaphors here and they are used well...Your emotion shines without going overboard...'crying tears of ice' is my favorite line...it speaks volumes about how the tears cut into the delicate skin of the face...causing pain...when your metaphors paint a picture like that...you have done well and you have.
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Expressively Angry
ooh, ouch. I love the ending, such fury and hatred. Beautiful! This is exactly the type of poetry I like to see. I love your rhyme scheme and the contrast of fire and ice. This reminds me of my bf writing. He writes with the same emotions, and emotions, according to me, are the most important fundemental of poetry. I am going to bookmark this because I love it so much and applaud it as well. Good Luck in the contest! YOu deserve to win. -
Very emotional and strong.
Great expression of your
anger and hurt. Good
job getting these feelings
out. Very well done.
It is always better
to get out these feelings.
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D
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great!!@!@$!@
lots of emotions, love it. -
I know EXACTLY how you feel on this one. I just got my heart ripped to pieces less than 30 minutes ago... and every second gets harder and harder. Good write, hope you keep it up.
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an amazing write
wow tons of emotions there i can actually feel the hurt an amazing write an excellent job i love it
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