Fetid breath assaulted my senses,
thrusts from behind caused grating pain;
Screams couldn't escape my tattered throat,
a young man used and taken in vain.
Dried blood of friends stains my skin,
creating embittered malcontent,
and ropes eat deep furrows into flesh.
How much more pain, how much more torment?
I heard the breathing of short quick gasps
and knew it would be over soon,
the thrusting became much more intense,
the hate in my throat about to spume.
With an animal grunt of pleasure
he pulled away and whispered low.
"Don't worry boy I'll be back for more"
and to my head delivered a blow.
As bile again arose in my mouth,
sickly tangs of flesh cooking fumed
sprung from the fire that Ann and I built,
unaware of the danger that loomed.
I knew what he was about to eat;
projectile vomit hit the tree,
my mind slipped into a black nothingness,
for the first time in hours, I was free.
Author notes
Option 12
Dear Amanda,
Be careful where you go camping!!!
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Soul by Amy Long.
300 points, ended June 5, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkest by Shiro Okami.
816 points, ended March 1, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A cascade of magical options are flying in your face!!!!!! by AutumnsFlame.
415 points, ended June 27, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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MY GOODNESS!.... Okay first off, I LOVE your imagery here, which is good because most people suck at that. You had me cringing the whole time with disgust.... which is awesome!... thank you very much for entering and good luck in my contest.
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It's good. Well done.
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whoa, this is dark, way to go mama, i knew you had it in you, you did a great job. this is good, you did a dark ass...ummmm butt job on this poem keep it flowing
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Well done
Wow...what horror...what an image filled poem... what an expressive and horrifying experience to have to go through... It makes you wonder what happens next...and hope that the young man is unconscious the next time... very well written. You captured your scene in great detail. I cringed and nearly lost it... creating realism has it right... it could be an expressive way of telling the truth... almost... Dee
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Wow! What I took from this is that you and your girlfriend were waylaid by a piece of shit who raped you and ate her. Am I close? I wish you'd tell me because I'm awfully curious. Either way, this is very well written with only a couple of rhythmic problems here and there. All in all, VERY WELL DONE!!! - oce
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what i get from this poem is that it sounds to me like it's something very personal, like it's one big metaphor for being molested as a child. the pain you captured in it, just.. nevermind. i shall not get into that subject on here. but that's what i took from this poem.. and i'm probably way off base but.. that's what poetry is for.. so the reader can take from it what they want.
good job here and good luck in the contest. -
GOOD WORK!
Wow! This is very dark and intense. The images are terrible and vivid. Good job writing this selection. Good luck to you in the contest. Blessings! Tammy -
Morbid indeed!
I think of what the inspiration was and who Ann is. A sibling perhaps.
Critically speaking, is it neccessery for the event to have a location? It could have happenned anywhere. I would have set scene at the beginning. Lengthening the poem by inserting an additional intro perhaps, generating a sense of gradual despair? -
i love this poem, very well written... and really dark too....good luck in the contest, you have my vote!!! keep up the good work!
keep writing!!!
-jared- -
a veary good poem very deep indeed
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very good
well done this is a very goo dwrite my friend very dark but very good keep up the good work and thank you for sharing this with us
and good luck in the contest
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Wow, very intense indeed. Dark and deep , a scary place to be. Very well done! Best of luck in the contest.
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Very dark, very descriptive. I really liked this piece.
Katie
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God this is intense. Very dark
and horrible. Very well written.
Thank you for sharing.
Good luck in the contest.
Jeannie D
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