Amelia, cold and dark by Isabel Cult at All poetry

Three in the morning
Hot and sticky
Red-haired girl
Packs a suitcase
Lights a cigarette

Checks her lover
Still asleep
Takes some money
Brushes hair
Turns off radio
Writes with mascara
On the bathroom mirror
"I NEVER LOVED YOU..."

Picks up suitcase
Walks out door
Calls for taxi
Tells driver
"The train station please"

Car arrives
Girl gets out
Hands driver some money
"Thank you Sir"
Taxi drives away
Girl stands on pavement
Thinks
"I NEVER LOVED YOU..."

But she did...

Author notes

Written May 28th, 2006

A contest entry

Welcome To My World.... TAKE A LEFT by pimp daddy satin. 300 points, ended November 6, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Blasphemous Rumours by Exodus. 500 points, ended February 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Exodus
January 26, 2007

Edit | Reply

Oh dear, this is incredibly sad and reminds me of something I wrote a while ago. Often times we lie to ourselves when it comes to our feeling, believing it will make things easier but it never really does. The only thing that didn't sit right was the fact that she used mascara, wouldn't it be easier with eyeliner or lipstick?
Thankyou for entering
soccerchick23
January 8, 2007

Edit | Reply

I think this is wonderful.. I wish I could have left my ex when things were at its worst but with me being pregnant I thought things would get better but they only got worse so worse to the point where he came home one night at 2:30 am and told me he wanted me gone and he was done with all of this.. so I packed as much as I could and left that night at 3 am... I still love him and it is hard to move on knowing that I am carrying a child that was once made out of love... but one day I will move on!! I just wish I wwould have left before I got pregnant and he told me to leave!!
xShatteredWithoutUx
October 10, 2006
Edit | Reply

Incredible. I really liked this one too. My favorite part of this one is:Checks her lover
Still asleep
Takes some money
Brushes hair
Turns off radio
Writes with mascara
On the bathroom mirror
"I NEVER LOVED YOU..."
Really awesome write. I love your works.
Poetic Tasha
September 3, 2006
Edit | Reply

WOW....i think thats all i can say...i think ive been that girl before. Thank you for writing this
Tasha
Just waiting
May 31, 2006
Edit | Reply

so sad. i liked it alot and i liked the details very much
Lilith-blackwing
May 30, 2006
Edit | Reply

cool
beautifully written . it sounds as if she didn't want to love him . so she left and tried to convince herself that it was a lie . only to actually love him . poem rocks .
tryst 1
May 28, 2006
Edit | Reply

very well done...
i think a few lines could be dropped and merely assumed, for instance:

Picks up suitcase
Walks out door
Calls for taxi
On cell-phone
Taxi comes
Girl gets in
Tells driver
"The train station please"

could become:

Picks up suitcase
Walks out door
Calls for taxi
Girl tells driver
"Train station please"

we can assume she used a cell, and that the taxi comes and she gets in....i think editing those out makes the stanza more powerful....could do similar with the next stanza. of course this is only my humble opinion, and may not be anyone else's .

i like the concept of the poem...i would lose the rose at the end lol....

one that is memorable.
well done
~tryst
Isabel Cult
May 28, 2006
Edit | Reply

No, I don't mind. I'm glad you liked it...
CookieZeal
May 28, 2006
Edit | Reply

ohhhhhh yes. I have to feature this one now if you don't mind.
Must see how the public receives this poetic narrative about
emptiness trying to get filled one way or another.

Love the mirror and mascara references. Artfully done, overall.

Thank you !
technicolor wonder
May 28, 2006
Edit | Reply

i think i like the "clipped" style, but i think if you want to use it it might come off more powerfully with some kind of a rhyme scheme, one that's simple and subtle possible, but at any rate, i loved it. i think at some point in time or another, everyone feels like they have to do that, leave, say "i never loved you" even when it's not true. it's great that you could put that down in a poem with the impact that those short, choppy lines give it.
Verita7
May 28, 2006
Edit | Reply

i like it. very straightforward and easy to read, and overall a good theme. my favorite line was "Writes with mascara
On the bathroom mirror
"I NEVER LOVED YOU...""
for some reason that really touched me. The lines feel a bit clipped and you could add some imagery, but its still pretty good. keep writing!