What is there to live for in life?
How about my kids? How about my wife?
Being a soldier in the front line,
I either take his life or he takes mine.
My heart is pounding in a one-two beat,
Having the Earth rumbling beneath my feet;
Having the feeling of depression;
because I just can't stand all the tension.
That is going on in my head.
I just get sick when I look at the dead.
Looking at these people in the war
Probably half of them don't know what they're fighting for.
With the sound of pain lifting in the air,
Dying young is just not fair.
Looking at my hand trembling,
And all I can see is my wedding ring.
Tasting the chaos in the sky,
Mumbling "I'm not going to die."
Striving my energy just to survive,
And to be thankful if I come out alive.
Author notes
Written December 19th, 2005
option 11
name of poem just imagine war
A contest entry
- Soldier Stories by Je Suis Prete.
450 points, ended March 21, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by Beating.
450 points, ended May 1, 2007, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds contest...Looking for the BEST by shuvi.
300 points, ended May 27, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbye soldier! by Procrastination.
400 points, ended September 4, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - sacrifices by Carefuldelusion.
850 points, ended November 14, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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"Looking at these people in the war,
Probably half of them don't know what they're fighting for"
I like these lines, If not for their poetic strength, then for their truth. It is so true that very few people know, Or care what they are fighting for. As much As I may "Know" why I am fighting, They truth is, I just want to keep my brothers and sisters alive. That is the most simple explination for why I do what I do. Thank you so much for sharing this, I absolutly love it.
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This is a surefire winner for this conetst; the emotion, the sacrifice, confusion, pain, sickness shown in here was fantastic. truly a winner for me, is this work.
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This was a good piece.
I enjoyed the imagery and some of the lkines were really capturing..
'Tasting the chaos in the sky...' -
Thank you for entering my contest! this poem was very sad and emotional..... war is such a controversial subject...... and it is so hard to justify. Excellent write. Good Luck!
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Imagery: 70/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 80/100
Originality: 60/100
Meter: 70/100 -
omg
this is the best poem ever well done -
This is very powerful and touching, I can't imagine going through something like that. Wonderful expression, thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks for entering! -
This is brilliant! I love the rhyming technique. And absolutely loved the lines:
"I just get sick when I look at the dead.
Looking at these people in the war
Probably half of them don't know what they're fighting for."
Thankyou for entering the contest.
Much love,
Emily x
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A very good job! You penned beautiful words.
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
Powerful!
'Being a soldier in the front line, I either take his life or he takes mine', what a powerful statement. You've written this in such a raw way that it brings the reality to those who do not know what war is truly like. Thank you for the entry in my contest. -
You've entered this write in a very large amount of contests. Which implies a couple things to me: Either you're very proud of this piece and want to share it, or you're throwing it in contests with hopes that one of them will award you a placing and some points. I really do hope it's not the latter. Asside from that, the write itself was good. It lacked in detail but the part where the soldier is looking at his hand and can only see his wedding ring evokes strong emotions. Haha...I just saw that you've entered this in a contest of mine before and I awarded you the silver. I knew I had read this piece before. Well because of that I'm not going to consider you for a finalist. I'm sorry if that decision upsets you. I thank you for entering though.
Sara -
A poem like this means more to me than some others becuase of my families military background. I like how you said you thought of your wedding band, because its true when you say that soliders think about their families at home.
Great job,
Ashley -
This was a truthful piece. Its so realistic and real. I liked this line; "I either take his life or he takes mine." Nicely done. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
I hope thye all come out alive but I know that is unrealistic in thinking. Nice work! Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest
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OMG, I love it. Thanks for entering!
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AWESOME
Being a soldier in the front line,
I either take his life or he takes mine. ...WOW!
this was so true! when will the leaders realise that all this fighting is for nothing! very very powerful poem, very true and very touching!!! great piece of work.. thanks for entering, keep the pen rolling, all the best in the contest, lots and lots of love and cheers, shuvi -
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for nothing princess? oh don't even go there!!
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This is a great write, and I thank you for sharing this as being from a soldiers point of view... You have given great insight into the reality of war, it is hard for someone who has never had to endure those horrific things to imagine it... Though you have expressed those emotions greatly and given great imagery.. well done!!
thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always. -
just out of curriosity, are you a soldier? the poem had alot of feeling behind it but some lines need a bit of attention, for example lines 7 and 8
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touching thank you!
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It would be nice if you removed some of those contests, so future judges wouldn't have to scroll through them. It gets annoying after a while. Anyway, onto the poem.
The subject you chose is good.
I like your imagery and basic wording you asserted in the piece. Although, I do feel that this could a whole lot better if it didn't have the rhyme. I don't know, it's just the scheme you used made the poem a little cliche, or at least that is how it appears to me.
The ending of the work was great. I think it summed up the piece in a wonderful way. There's a nice evolution throughout the poem as well.
Overall, good poem. We'll see what Liberation of Sense thinks. -
Tasting the chaos in the sky,
Mumbling "I'm not going to die."
Striving my energy just to survive,
And to be thankful if I come out alive.
that last line was my favorite, its really a very sad moving stanza ♥ its very deep and just moving--i know ive said that before but i really enjoyed it thanx for sharing!
PrettyX -
Wow. Something, very few of us can relate to. This piece is breathtaking... I don't even know what to say!
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WOW what a great poem... You really have talent!
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I don't tend to be a big fan of rhyme, but this isn't bad. Your rhyme in this was loose and I like that better than strict/structure rhyme. It means you didn't let the rhyme own your poem, which can often be a problem.
Thank you for entering this -
wow! excellent job I really enjoyed reading it! I can definitely see why it won a couple of trophies!!! you described what its like to be a soldier perfectly! My cousin is a soldier too anyway excellent job and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
this was a truly beautiful touching write , and I think it captures the thoughts of a soldier perfectly. thanks for entering
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This is really good, I'm sure this is how the majority of our soldiers feel. Thanks for entering. whisper
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The last four lines really say it all, I think. A great write. Thankyou for your service to this country and I do hope that you have either made it back to your loved one's already, or that you will soon. Thank you for your entry and good luck.
Sara
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Ive read this somewhere before but the contest wont show me your name so I wont know for sure. Thank you for entering. I like it.
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Masterfully Penned!
This is such a raw and powerfully written slic eof poetry. I am not a soldier at all but I can not even begin to imaginew what you would see on a war front over in Iraq and Afghanstan also. I really find all of this unnecessary yet then again we must fight for our freedom so I understand also. very well penned and a very interesting subject matter. Best of Luck in the contest. Sincerely, Judge Whitetiger1251 -
Two thumbs up
Wow. This is really good. I like that you brought the war to the for front and used it as your write. You must be a soldier or know someone who has been because of the way the you describe war. Keep up the great work and good luck. -
This is good. I like the flow and the rhyming. Thank you for letting me know which option you chose and Thank you for entering my contest!
Edited on Sep 23, 3:31 p.m. because ''. -
wow very powerful writing aawsome job god bless good luckin contest
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this is really good for a poem but not really a song unless you made it a ort of rap beat! But i can assure you, you will go far with this!
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This is really well written. It reminds me of a soldier writing either a letter to himself or in a journal. I enjoyed this alot
thanks for entering =] good luck in my contest
-x- -
This is truly amazing! The voice in this is so real. It makes me sad to think that so many have felt what is in this poem. The flow is nice and so is the rhyme. I really like this poem. If you dont mind I would like to let a few of my Marine friends read this and possibly put it on a website or hang it on my all at home. You would, of course, be given full credit.
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