And I sit and listen and I hear and see
And still I listen as you struggle free
As our worlds spin out and we disappear
In a shipwreck heart I have no tear
And I sit and listen and I see your hurt
And you call me death and I feel like dirt
As our worlds collide and we fall apart
To a morning sun that doesn't start
And I sit and listen and I take it in
And still I listen as I'm counting sin
As a baby crys well before it's born
To the aching heart of a woman torn
And I sit and listen and I listen long
And it all falls down and I don't belong
As I hold your hand and I turn away
To my devils' shame where I cannot play
And I sit and listen and I try to speak
And you interrupt and you call me weak
As our world becomes everything we hate
In the shattered chances we don't take
And I sit and listen and I think I hear
And you ask me "why?" and I blame my fear
As I'm wondering if you'll trust again
In your tired eyes I can see your pain
And I sit and listen and I do not fight
And your broken heart breaks up the night
As I speak my truth with a soft remark
In another grey dawn from shallow dark
And I sit and listen and I swear on death
And I face your eyes and hold my breath
As our worlds collide and tumble down
As I find my way from the lost and found
Author notes
Love destroyed and lost in the wilderness
Written March 25th, 2002
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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This is a poem in the making I think this could be one of your key poems because you keep drawing me in and out of the poem feeling a mixture of sadness that beholds you in prison.
The words touch my heart since thw words flow together to match your emotions within heart. None of the words seem forced or tampered with because you are telling the pure truth and not lieing to the heart.
Well done for delivering this poem into the world
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a morning sun that doesn't start; that's a neat concept. I meant it's poetic, not that I'd like it to happen LOL. thanks for this entry.
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wow that was a very touching poem and very well written as well, i also loved the rhyming. goodluck in my contest
you are a talented writer
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Beautiful rhyme and so clearly expressed. A deeply profound piece. Thanks for sharing and good luck in my contest... x Butterfly.
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this, despite the strong structure, flows freely. it doesn't sound forced, and the ideas flow.
this poem was absolutly breathtaking, but i'm impressed considering the structure.
thanks for entering
write on -
And I sit and listen and I swear on death
And I face your eyes and I hold my breath
As our worlds collide and tumble round
As I find my way from the lost and found
you have captured your emotions so magicaly that they are just bringing the picture of your inside so clearly as well..A very sensititively handeled work here..
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The rhyme works well with this piece. I noticed that this is a rhyming contest so you should fare well. I'm not big on rhyming so I can't give any intelligent criticism about the piece. I just know what reads well to me.
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Thanks Ash for your kind words and encouragement!
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Wow! This is a BRILLIANT piece of writing! Very emotive and descriptive... I loved it! You've expressed so much and the sadness and desperation shone through... Well done... Thankyou for entering and good luck
Take care...
~Ash~ -
WOW
This is amazing. I can hear the drip of the faucet in the background, the shuffle of others moving around, all those inconsequential things that go on as we suffer within. -
"And I sit and listen and I try to speak
And you interrupt and you call me weak"
This tears my heart....amazing and original work, you have spoken an entire conversation while leaving out almost every word that was spoken....brilliant. I can almost hear a clock tick in the background with the tears that fall...sigh... -
The sadness of the heart is so well expressed, the words tumble with the ups and downs of the emotions.
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I like how this piece moves. It is so heavy with emotion and ?frustration? I like the references to eyes very much. SO well done.
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This piece was excellent with the ending rhyming scheme, the flow, and all you have said. We can sit and listen, but that doesn't always keep the wild and dark path from being taken. Hearts can still break and emotions can be taken as ill wishes upon one another. I loved the powerful emotions in this piece. Keep up the great work!
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Thanks Heather for your kind words of support.
This rhyming issue has been mentioned by a couple of other people. I have asked where they see the problem but have had no replies. It would be of value to me if you could explain further (IM me). I'm a little concerned it may be that I used words that don't sound the same in different countries. This has already got me using universal 'sounding' words in new work.
In the words of a famous racist Australian politician: "Please Explain"? Thanks
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This is a really good piece that has managed to successfully convey strong emotions to the reader. The repition of "And I sit and listen and" doesn't take anything away from the poem, instead it adds to it. I have to say though, I'm a little disappointed with the rhyme scheme, it's a little irratic. Thanks for entering, and best of luck. Take care, Heather x
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A stunning poem, very easy and enjoyable to read... 'And I sit and listen' starting every line, but leading us into a new emotion was an excellent touch, and the simple title was very intriguing. A great write, well done.
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I liked this a lot. This was a pretty good piece with powerful imagery. Good write.
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wow what a powerful piece,great imagery speaks well of a broken heart and shattered dreams, keep up the great work
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The poem was beautiful. It sounded like the narrator wanted to say all this stuff to another, but had no way of letting that other see what the narrator was about. It had a fantastic flow and I love the simple-ness of the title. It suits it well. Nice job.
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that poem has alot of emotion in it,, u can feel it when u read it..good job..
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Beautiful! The last line ended the poem well. The poem kept a consistant structure and a consistant emotional tone. I loved the poem. I really did.
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When I first saw the title of this poem I looked at it and asked myself "who the hell names their poem And?" but I have to say the name fits and this poem is truly very good. I really like it. Keep it up. This poem has so much feeling in it, for some reason some of the best poems are those about loving and losing. Odd isn't it? I love this poem. I'm so glad I got to read it
Shattered -
Wow! This is such a wonderful piece! It's so moving, strong, and deep. Great work and very well written. One of my favorite lines in it is: As our worlds spin out and we disappear In a shipwreck heart I have no tears. It's so descripted. Good luck in the contest, hope you win. God bless
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Thanks LWP for the comment. Please tell me where you feel the rhyme doesn't fit. It could just be cultural language differences. And yeh, I'm getting better at dealing with criticisms more and more, especially when it's constructive. Thanks again
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Hey John, thankyou for your kind words and suggestions/questioning. I'll try and answer some of them. Unfortunately there's cultural language differences with US v Australian. Heart and laugh do rhyme in Oz (laugh similar tone to lark), but I think you've got a point, maybe I should more universal words. I did get a couple of 'ands' and 'as' mixed up. Again I can only blame my lack of editing (pretty much as it was written in 2003. Also, again, poor proof reading by me, dammit! The truth bit, well you know, when you're in a desperate hole you can sometimes promise anything! And what's more, at the time you believe it yourself. Anyway, I'm probably sounding like I'm defending myself here. A huge thankyou again. Talk again soon I'm sure.
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WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I don't know what else to say to you about this writing...
You have captured our hearts with this sad poem...
I love these lines...They just grabbed me
And I sit and listen and I take it in
And still I listen as I count my sins
As a baby crys well before it's born
To the aching heart of a woman torn
Wow...You are amazing...Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us...
Much Love
Tessa -
this piece came together wonderfully, the flow was perfect. it was a very easy piece to read. well done.
i enjoyed reading this.
all the ANDS made me giggle honestly. i loved it. very clever write.
keep it up.
love Autam -
This is indeed a great write, but there is one thing the piece does not do, it does not rhyme throughout. Besides that, it is a wonderful write. I like the flow of it. i am pretty sure you are very talented. By the way, I hope you are one of those who accepts critisms, if not, I do apologize. Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing as well
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LOVELY
Very moving write. The flow was wonderful and I LOVE all the "ands". You are gifted. Keep writing, you have a heartfelt ability to grasp a reader. -
I had to get the tissues out when I read this. Very hot
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I love the flow you've given the poem, and the repetition of "And" in a singsong like manner is very effective.
The way the persona is open to all senses, but isnt allowed to speak... and the way "And I sit and I listen and I..." is repeated again and again it's as if the persona is clenching his teeth with frustration at himself for not being able to make amendments to the worsening situation.
it's touching indeed. and you've put in a great catchy title..
great poem well written.
keep it penning. -
Nice job emmjay! I really loved some of your phrasing here! when I first read "and i sit and listen" I wanted to take out the first and, but as i got into the poem I realized what an important part that first little word has, bringing the constancy, the now to the piece! if you don't mind, a couple of suggestions--"As our worlds collide and we fall apart
To a morning sun that doesn't laugh"-while I love that line, it doesn't rhyme, dammit, so how about, 'to a morning sun that has no heart'--"As I'm wondering if you'll love again
In your tired eyes I cannot see in"--in keeping with the rest of the piece, I would change "as" to 'and,' and perhaps change the last line to 'in your tear-filled eyes I can't see in' Finally, again I hope you don't mind--just drinking my coffee, and your piece really caught my eye--for these two lines, "And I say with truth this will be the last
Of another grey dawn in darkness" --First, I absolutely love "And your broken heart breaks up the night!" Like I said, you have some terrific phrasing in here that really makes the reader sit back on their heels!--anyway, "I say with truth," I'm not sure about these words, though they may be truth at the moment--Are you saying the women/lover/yourself will never have another unhappy morning? if so, it fits, but is pretty unrealistic--course, I may be reaching too much here too! I thought when I read it the first time to change the last line to 'of another grey dawn that will never pass' just because of the end-rhyme, but that might confuse it even more! anyway, coffee cup's empty, and I've got to get ready for work! much love, and once again, Great write here--very clever! john -
nice, i like the title it fits this well and has a certain curious appeal to the casual observer it sucked me in and it was worth it. Great poem
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THE FLOW IS GOOD AND A REALLY TOUCHING POEM! WELL DONE! IT REALLY CREATED A SHAKE IN MY HEART! KEEP WRITING!
WARM REGARDS,
GANESH
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A very personal tone, this is lyrical. I could definitely picture it being sung with some acoustic guitar! :-) A splendid write!
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very good
deep and sad write very well done you can feel the sadness coming through thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work
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this is so sad. love can be many things in life and at times it can be sad. you have wrote a poem that was very touching. a very well written poem. that has surely touched my heart, almost made me cry. i love your whole poem, but the ending was outstanding. you have here one remarkable write. thanks for sharing this amazing poem.
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Sad & Lovely
A touching and moving read. The sadness of feeling love die
I feel the poem would be more effective (my opinion 
) if there weren't so many ~and~ in the poem. I like it in the first lines of the stanzas, then it seems to go overboard Especially enjoyed "In a shipwreck heart..." and To a morning sun that doesn't laugh". Best wishes in the contest
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This had wonderful flow to it. And it was very emotional.
And I sit and listen and I swear on death
As I face your eyes and I keep my head
As our world collides and tumble down
As I find my way from the lost and found
This was my favorite stanza and a powerful ending. Great job on this and thanks for sharing.
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