All Alone

ALL ALONE


          I looked at her sitting in the car hoping that she would give me a few rupees but all she did was stare straight ahead as if I did not exist, as if I was invisible. But I was there standing in the rain waiting for her to just throw me some coins. I stood there waiting for her to just look at me and see the sadness in my face and eyes. The traffic signal changed from red to green and her driver zoomed off. I just stood there in the rain wondering…
        I wondered what it was like to live a life where I was surrounded by love, a life where I was sheltered from the harshness of reality, a life where I was sheltered from begging on the streets for a drunk and abusive owner. I felt jealous of her that she had everything I wanted, everything I needed and yet it made no difference to her. It made no difference that she had a family that cared for her and loved her. She does not know what it feels like to be left all alone in this big wide world, to be left alone on the streets to fend for yourself. She does not know what it feels like to see mothers feed their children and hug them when you have never had one. She does not know what it feels like to get hit and to hear the word ‘orphan’ all the time. I felt angry at fate for dealing such cards in my life. I felt angry with God for giving me such a life. We are all Gods children so why are we so different from each other? Why do I have to face the harshness of reality and hunger when she can waste food? Why don’t I have parents or a family while she has more loved ones than she can count? Why is the world so unjust and unfair? Why oh why?
            I wait for the light to turn red and wait at the traffic stop for another care to pull up. I wait for people to ignore me and go on with their lives. But I also wait for fate to deal me the card of death for going to the house of God is the only salvation I have in this big cruel world....