It was in the middle of the month of May.
Two little girls went out to play.
Mom said don't go near the big highway.
They waved bye bye and said ok.
They left their yard adventures to find.
Soon they lost all track of time.
Just playing around having fun.
Enjoying the beautiful May day sun.
They walked and walked that sunny day.
Until they came to the big highway.
They looked at eachother trying to decide.
Should they go to the other side.
They said why not it's not too far.
What they didn't see was a speeding car.
They turned around but it was too late.
Too late Too late, Too late.
By WINGSOFGOLD25
Author notes
The hardest poem I ever wrote. Because it is true to life.
My own emotions were just too high so I just stopped.
Hope you like it as it is.
Comments appreciated. Welcome criticism.
Written May 24th, 2006
Wingsofgold25
A contest entry
- ~QUICKIE~ Good Things Come In Small Packages! by Unperson.
400 points, ended October 11, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Upgrade your Honorable Mention to Gold Silver or Bronze (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
700 points, ended November 5, 2007, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all the prewrites you want by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended March 29, 2008, 150 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A year's gone past but the pain still remains by xxvampyregirlxx.
1000 points, ends December 2, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Tragedy, tragedy: the poems pour it out. Good luck in my contest.
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i love it its a true tragic story and really sad. thanks for the entry and goodluck in the contest
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i do like it as it is. good write
thanks for entering my contest
lun -
It's a shame when this sort of thing happens. This was a good write and the rhymes fit perfectly. It may just be my computer, but I had to highlight the poem in order to read. So maybe fix that, but then again, my screen is kinda screwed up so it could just be that.
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Thank you for the nice comment
I just changed the background looks better now.
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That was a rather depressing poem, but an honest and truthfull poem
Excellent job
Good Luck on entering
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What a sad poem that is unfortunately so true
in our world today. Congratulations to you on
all three of your trophies especially the Gold!
We wish you well in our contest and thanks
so much for taking the time to enter it. Take
care and all the best to you!
Jeremy0826 -
They said why not it's not too far.
What they didn't see was a speeding car.
They turned around but it was too late.
Too late Too late, Too late.
Wow this is so sad. Great write -
well this was so heart wrenching I just .. I dont know what to say other than you truly did touch me with this sad write.
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oh my gosh.
7 -
so sad!!! it made me get all teary eyed =[ thanks for entering!
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This is so sad and emotional! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
Sydney -
Aww... this is so sad, I had the first tingles so something wrong from the end of the first paragraph.
And with the way you echoed out at the end with too late.
A wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Rose -
Aww
...this is so sad, so tragic. Right from the beginning of the poem there's foreshadowing...you know what's going to happen but you don't want to believe it...I hate that this is a true story and I'm very sorry for your loss.
Great write, good luck in the contest
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Thanks for entering! x
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OOOhhh, so sad. Thanks for your entry.
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this is a wonderful poem and very sad im sorry that it is a true story they should have never crossed the street but everyone makes mistakes thanks for sharing god bless you forever and always love your friend dianna lee green also knowned as serenity lynn silvermoon
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In your third stanza you've got two misspellings... until* and should*.
This is very well written, great flow and rhyme. Hard subject matter to tackle, you did it gracefully. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Very sad. Thanks for entering.
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Hey i asked for poems about missing someone who died...this isnt anything about that. However i do like it, so ill keep it in the contest
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Very nice.
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This was a great poem. I can really feel the sadness flowing off the page. Very powerful message. I liked the flow, rhyme scheme and imagery. This poem really got my attention.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck on your quest to upgrade this poem. -
Very niclwy done, It has a nice flow to it and it does leave me wanting more. Hope you go into it more sometime. Good luck
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A deeply profound, moving poem, accentuated further by the continuous rhyme scheme and simple rhymes. The use of "big highway", almost as a child would call it adds a certain charm, and the repetition at the end of the last stanza really brings the meaning home. A wonderful write, thankyou very much for entering
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So very heartbreaking
I have this fear of a child running out and I told Sonny my husband I am so careful all the time to watch out for any child near the highway I always slow way down for you never know . I am so very sorry for you and the family
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I like the rhyming scheme in this, and that its loss of life, loss of youth and loss in general
well done
x -
Very beautifully sad, well written and tasteful. Goodluck to you in all contests you entered.
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wow
Honestly, I didn't expect anyone to kill a couple of little girls. Well done. -
Well expressed. That's about all I can say. Best of luck and Peace.
See you around the deep end
moment liver -
It is so hard when the ones we love die in such a tragic way, and it seems we don't get the chance to say goodbye. Very deep and you've expressed your pain very well. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Thanks for entering and good luck. The end shocked me!
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like you said..
it is a bit unfinished like you said in your authors box...but it was a good way to end it fast. i can understand your pain in a way. my cousin was playing by the road and got ran over. i went to his funeral and he didnt look so good. its nice to let things out every once in a while. very good. i didnt see any spelling or grammer mistakes. the flow was very good. keep writing and keep improving. ~good luck in my contest and in future contests as well. and to those ^^^^ if they havent ended already~
Jess -
OMG....very intense
Just raw emotions on this one. I just had to read it to the end. I felt from the get go that something tragic would happen but I could not resist to read to the end. How sad. That is why I always payed attention to what my mother said....
Sad. Thanks for trying to express such personal an experience. -
sad
ed, it's beautiful.but sad to.kids can be a hassle but if you watch them grow up knowing that you taught them well it's all worth it in the end...sorry for the hand that was dealt to make this poem true...thanx for the read -
Outstanding poem
Oh Ed, this is such a sad poem, but you wrote it so exquisitley well. You too seem to have a heart bigger than life itself and I am so happy to have found you here on AP. You are also incredibly talented and I love that you wwrite about things that matter in this world, rather than being self absorbed, as so many other seem to be. Thank you also for your prayers for my mother Mutterfly and for those children, for whom I wish to build a real home. Love you dearly. Marilyn and bless you. -
Hi
Children must be supervised every second. They do not have the capacity to understand consequences. Children act on impulse. Your very insightful poem gives this fact lyrical voice that grabs at your heart. A very well rendered poem framed within rhyme, meter and format.
Thank you for reading “Vlod” it was a momentary whim that made me do it.
Farkas1
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WOW!!! I definately love this poem. The ending was such a surprise. I really don't know what to say to this one except GREAT. You should write more like this one, because I changed my mind lol, this one is my top favorite. I can't even describe the way I feel about this one. Definately took my breth away. What a great job you've done on this. Keep it up. Love it & u 2 pap, Jess.
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thank you for your comment and your kind words
will chech your work out Arlie -
WOW this was a great poem but really sad and it made me cry you did a great job on this keep up the great work and thanks for sharing
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VERY GOOD
OMGOSH THIS IS A VERY GOOD POEM BUT SO SAD.....I F'IN CRIED AWESOME WRITE AND I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS>......*Tears*
XOXOXOXOXO
****Wishy****
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