Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The Incessant Tinkerer

Missing image





suseann:
Hello, wbiro, can you help me with this poem?

wbiro:
sure...
[drinks secret potion... grabs throat... falls to floor behind desk... coughing, gasping] 

[a hand, then and arm, then a body emerges as the hideous, madman, the Incessant Tinkerer...]



muhahahahaha!

So, let's see what we have here...








Within the primeval lush brambles deep,
lie fallen Oaks and Ash in creeping vines
The Wildwoods verdant mysteries sleep,
in woven secrets unfathomed entwined.

Magenta shades of blossomed Dogwood hues,
Wisp of winds carry the Nightingales song,
Hiding the heart of the Wildwood's muse,
of sad refrain of its kindred lost.

Listen carefully on the whispered breeze,
Of ancient people whose lives thrived there.
Its symphony sings a tale through the trees.
lost and forgotten in tangled despair.

These wild woods have a living soul all their own,
telling mystery tales of ancient histories unknown.


 




(I blow the dust off the ancient chisel and hammer)
(and recite the incantation forged in time forgotten)
(for would-be sculptors of words...)
(and within this unhewn marbled slab of sonnetified beautiage)
(I begin the search for a modern masterpiece...)
(Now, To Work!)

[sound of hammer and chisel...]
 
(chink,
chink, chink...)






 

Within primeval brambles deep
lie fallen Oaks and Ash
The Wildwoods mysteries sleep
in woven secrets entwined.

Magenta shades of Dogwood hues
winds carry the Nightingales song
Hiding the Wildwood's muse
sad refrain of kindred lost.

Listen to the whispered breeze,
ancient people thrived there.
symphony sings through the trees.
lost in tangled despair.

These wild woods a living soul
telling mystery tales ancient unknown.







[circling, analyzing...]
(hmmm... I have only just begun!) 

(chink... chink... chink...)







Within brambles deep
fallen Oaks
Wildwoods mysteries
secrets entwined.

Magenta Dogwood
Nightingales song
Wildwood's muse
kindred lost.

whispered breeze,
ancient people
symphony sings
tangled despair.

wild woods living
telling mystery tales







[wipes sweat off of brow...]
(ahhh... just a touch here, and there... and there...)
(Michaelangelo will be proud...!)

(chink... chink... chink...)






brambles
Oaks
Wildwoods
secrets

Dogwood
Nightingales
Wildwood's muse
lost.

breeze,
people
symphony
despair.

wild woods
mystery



 




[the wild eyes of the incessant tinkerer flash, madly here, madly there...]
[a candle flickers in the window...]
[a scream...]
[soon steady chinking in the night begins to echo once again and is carried aloft over the village rooftops...]
[to settle upon the unquiet dreams of poets everywhere...]

(chink... chink... chink...)







brambles
secrets

Dogwood
lost

symphony
despair.

wild woods



 




(I cannot resist! I cannot abandon the scents and sounds of tinkering... not now!)
(Oh, the perilous, joyous melodious ring of tinkering!)

(chink... chink... chink...)






 

secrets

lost

despair.

wild woods



 





[A bright smile slowly forms...]
(Just a few more masterful strokes, and I think I will have it!)

(chink... chink... chink...)


(There!)
(She is soooooo lucky she asked me for help!)
[standing back, beaming the wide smile of the incessant tinkerer...]
[...admiring the final result of his nobel endeavor...] 





 








Wild.




 





 


(There!)
(I have it!)
(Her Masterpiece!)


suseann? Oh suseann?
Here you go, suseann...


Your
Masterpiece is Ready! 










suseann?











Hmmm. while I revive her...
(it must be the excitement!) 
Please, give her some comfort! 
her Virgin Sonnet:
  allpoetry.com/Poem/2031589 

Author notes

still tinkereing with this one... of course...

(must tinker with the author's comments, too...)
Written May 24th, 2006

In a list

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • NoWayJo
    November 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I think I needed to come back to this post for a good laugh tonight, and I'm laughing just as much as the very first time I came to read this post!

    Wbiro will never-ever-ever live this down!

    Jo


  • wishintreeUK
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Remarkable!

    Oh my! this is so entertaining! I sat back and read, saw in my mind's eye all the tinkering away, watching pieces fly hither and thither... seeing the author's face in all it's changed expressions from wondering... amazement... disbelief... realisation... (a fainting fit thrown in for good measure ) and finally, acceptance of a masterworkers revelation!

    BRAVO I would not have missed this for the world.

    ~Katie~


  • u took my user name
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    oooooooooooooo, you are too unique and special. lol. i enjoyed this bunches and thank you for sharing
    best wishes,
    Neri


  • Madd Hatter
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    groovy

    wow! that is just too cool! i like it!


  • suseann
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    So sorry Lamont,but the masters and I couldn't agree with you at all.Thanks for stopping by.~~Suseann


  • wbiro gold member
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    OK, I'll allow for your annoyance, Ms. Spirit!

    The answer to your question comes in several parts:
    First, I've posted 1842 critiques, and have 339 poems since I first joined on Dec 10, 2004, 4:06 p.m.. Now a reasonable ratio is 4 critiques for every poem posted. So I don't have anything to be guilty about there...
    Second, my personal work schedule is heavy for the next few days, as I do not work a 9-5 job...
    Third, my last nine out of eleven poems have been with/for AP family/friends, the other two are not about me, either. So I'm not full of myself there, either!
    Fourth, I'm a guy, and also my spirit is fine. Your poet name is 'poetry4thespirit', kind of 'girly', and your writing perhaps is for uplifting spirits. So what am I supposed to do, leave my rough, insensitive 'guy' comments for you, heavily treading all over your delicate poetry, which will only serve to incense you, and prove your theory about guys being thick Neanderthals true?
    Last, I've received hundreds of comments in the past several days, I'd need a full-time staff to fully reciprocate!

    Now I'm curious as to what my response to your writing will be- will I trod all over it like said beast? Will I relate to it, maybe be moved by it, or have some other unforeseen response? I will give you a bonus- I will give you two responses- one as a representative of my lowly subset of humanity, and one from me personally, as a unique individual caught in the crossfire...!


    Edited on May 26, 8:36 because ''.

  • Poet4theSpirit
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Thinking about the Tinkerer

    Hey, Mr.Tinkerer did you take the time to read or critique any of my poems? You seem to be very FULL of yourself. Why not share some of your greatness?


  • Toni A Christman
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ROFLMAO... wbiro, you are a too funny guy! This is awesome. You think of things to do that are the tops in attention getters and attention holders! Love it - Toni


  • AngelicMistress gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME JOB!!!!! ENJOYED IT!!!!!

    LOL wbiro:

    You never cease to amaze me with your words..... Your work is so unique, so original it just keeps me "here" all the way to the very end of the piece.....
    I love this, and I thank you for sharing with me on this site.....

    Be blessed with love and light.....
    As always your friend:
    AngelicMistress

  • John Late
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    This is good work. The idea is truly original, and captivates the reader till the end when delivering the final punch.
    good stuff

  • Lamont Palmer
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Somewhat interesting.

    The parts in yellow are the best parts; the parts in blue, the supposedly poetic parts, are 'beautiful' but its a cliched beauty; not terribly original thoughts there:

    'Sad refrains'
    'Sleeping mysteries'
    'whispered breezes'
    'living souls'
    'ancient people'

    These are all very overused images and figures of speech which weaken the poem and give it a 'we've heard this all before' sound to it. In my opinion, I do think rhyme, (at least the heavyhanded end rhymes of this type) are largely dead. So dropping the rhyme, but holding on to the tightness of a poem, always makes for a more powerful work. In other words, blank verse, or loose blank verse, is the way to go. -LP


  • dutch2lips gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant
    (my own humble opinion)


  • grannyeri gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Such a creative collaborative piece you two have created here, so unique and humorous - liked the forms used, and the free flow, as well as the colours. Great write. Keep tinkering some more...


  • Rin
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW. that was completely original, creative, adn great. i noticed the meaning changed significantly every time it was "helped".

    "Within the primeval lush brambles deep"-- here i think of conifers and prehistoric plantation
    "Within primeval brambles deep"-- HERE i think of humanity and the thoughts of primitive men

    so very interesting.

    kudos

    and a high five for you

    --rin


  • Rion
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    GREAT

    wow...this is a kewl start. love the whole changing and all...

    - Brandon Heat


  • solarman
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    Very original. Keep working with it. I think you've got something here, but I like it.

  • alainasarkar
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    really amazing poem and its so totally original....


  • gullionmar
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    great story line and imagery to written very well great imagination to keep up the great work

  • Poet4theSpirit
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Beauty at rest

    I've never read a poem in this format before, kinda a sonnet?
    We all put energy and effort into our work. Who are some of your favorite poets? There are a few punctuation errors you might want to edit. Otherwise this poem was very bravely and very well thought out. Just a little too long for me, too much information to gather a concept. Keep up the beautiful work!

  • ravingrhymes
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Masterpiece..the Da Vinci Code of Poetry!!

    When a poem can make the reader stop and think, shed a tear, smile or in this case, enjoy the beauty of the orginal words..only to scroll down and begin to smile..to scroll down and giggle..to scroll down and deep belly laugh then I say..Bravo Maestro and friend..your masterpiece is complete in all concepts!!! Exquisite flow with unique essence of humor!


  • NoWayJo
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    as an incessant and obsessive poem "tinker-er" myself, Wb, I know exactly what this poem is ALL about. Suseann is one of my fav's here on AP...and though you didn't quite "kill" her poem--(as I do so many of my own), I'm gonna have to check out that link you provided to check it out for myself!

    really cute poem post and glad I had the chance to read it!

    Jo


  • lyrical-rebel
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hahah! brilliant!... loved the whole concept!... loved the way it goes from such a beautiful poem to well timed humour!... really good stuff, the style is very poetic with casual touches in between... a perfect blend of humour and poetry...!
    well done!
    Sue!


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodness this is great!!!
    You really captured the heart
    of a tinkerer.
    You have a great imagination
    and wonderful sense of humour.
    Thank you so much for sharing.
    I really enjoyed it.....she says
    blowing off the sawdust pfffff.

    Jeannie D


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hee hee...a wanna be I am...
    Primeval bramble’s lush wildwood mystery
    within a forest of ash and oak and creeping vine,
    sleeping secrets curl within the ancient history
    where ancient people sift and twine.

    Magenta Dogwood blossoms on Nightingale’s song
    hides the heart of tangled Muse and symphony
    each humming deep and call to sing along
    the stories of beginnings that carry long

    upon the woods, their living souls, all their own,
    begging to be remembered by the nightvoice unknown.


    this is one of the most improtant pieces of work I have seen on AP...the chinking away, the combined thoughts pouring over some potent phrases..
    Well done, wbiro and suseann..this needs to be highlighted and so I shall....


  • rosepoet
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful with a nice flow
    very creative and wonderful background.
    thanks for the read
    keep up the good work


  • DreameeDarlin2U
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was such a light and cute write. A real joy to read. Very clever of you to have come up with something like this. I could have never thought of it. Well done!


  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    no, don't read it backwards... you'll discover that Paul is dead...! OH! I get it! You'd end up with your sonnet again! (clever!)

  • suseann
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad. Yes,not bad at all.Especially if you read it backwards.Ha!~~~Suseann

  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, Rhymie... I dunno-no...! lol


  • Cherokee
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    THIS IS SOOOOO HILARIOUS!!!!! How did y'all come up with that anyway? Very creative and I enjoyed every chisel.


  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Well, blueyez, when something is first written there are usually too many words, so one begins to 'chip away' at it to make it easier for the reader... I might have some more chipping to do here...!


  • blueyez
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the poem or song but it was really drawn out and I dont' see how your words related to the pic except the chizzelin gin the midst.

  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thanks, oh wordy babe! (still tinkering with this one...)


  • just a dreamer
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! You are very talented!!! Keep up your awesome job!!
    ~ADAM~


  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think the i or y matters- the girls will be falling off their chairs before they get that far...!

  • heliogabalus
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    at first, amongst the untrimmed, it recalled me to my lover's pubic hair, eyeballed fingertips grazing about her mystery... trimmed, trimmed again... "secrets, lost, despair, wildwoods"- oh no... i liked her sabel pubis, its mystery... a spotlight floods the candle's flickering, the shadows disperse, then ebbes the mystery ... but the forest grows back- "wild"... (or should i spell wild with a y instead of I?)...


  • Night Hope gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    LMAO Sorry, Wayne...Bein' the infamous "Wordy Babe" that I am, I think I like the one suse already had... But yours is...ummm...hmmm... succinct...yeahhh, that's it...succinct... Wanda


  • MargaretG
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Fun!

    The beginning is quite a good sonnet, with just a few tweaks indicated. I enjoyed the whittling away, step by step, to its ridiculous conclusion. You make a very good point too, that when we ask for advice, we may not get the kind we want!

  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, tinkering does not always produce a 'better' result! Thanks, Polly!


  • capricornpoet
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    the poet tinkerer

    A whimsical and wonderful review, he stands in his own as a
    verse tinkerer,, loved this , genial


  • Pollycheck
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Thumbs Up

    This is hilarious. I laughed out loud while I was reading this. Then all of a sudden it dawned on me. You know what? I have actually done the something with some of my own poems. Only to usually go back to the original.


  • wbiro gold member
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    lol

    Well, the original meaning is still there... I think... (just one more chink...)
    Edited on May 24, 9:40 p.m. because ''.


  • suseann
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Masterful Editing Sir!

    If it needed to lose a few pounds,it certainly did. By George I think you've slaughtered it! HA!~~~Suseann Now I'm totally confused.

1 - 43 of 43