And one day you open your eyes
and it’s as if the world becomes real again.
Tears burn your face
The numbness breaks
The song you’ve always heard
suddenly
Moves through your veins
And your heart:
Slowly disintegrate.
It just pulls apart.
Like cotton candy.
swirled together in
a dirty amusement park
an artificial pink and blue
That’s you.
Soul is stuck in your throat,
Melting,
Hurting you.
You feel so happy and
it tastes so good.
And the intense joy . . .
is just spun sugar
clinging loosely
to a sorry cardboard stick.
Author notes
This was written in about two minutes with the intent to just vent what I was feeling, and what can I say, it turned into metaphor just like everything else.
Written May 24th, 2006
A contest entry
- I see the clearest with my eyes closed by cRiMsOnRaZoR.
322 points, ended May 26, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I love the metaphor! Wonderful!
The song you’ve always heard
suddenly
Moves through your veins
I love this line. Beautiful write! -
Thanks!
-
Very descriptive and well thought out.
Great work here and thanks for sharing your wonderful talent!
Allen0826 -
10 out of 10!!!
Wow!!! Incredible!!! What a creative metaphor too, by the way. You've got talent, that's for sure. Keep it up and good luck in the contest!!!
-Tim -
Wow, thanks, you guys are so quick!!! I just posted this and already i have more comments than ever before
I'm so happy! Time to go review!
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Thanks! That's the quickest review I've ever received!
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i LOVE this. Two minutes created this? You are an awesome writer, I can tell just from this piece. I love the metaphor....and this line: "is just spun sugar
clinging loosely
to a sorry cardboard stick."
AMAZING.
You are def. going on my favorites.
-
:)
very descriptive i like it
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