photo by maa
turtledove breathes
underneath a tree
silence
turtledove looks
into my tear-filled eyes
prayer
turtledove dies
inside my hand peacefully
sunrise
Author notes
a few days ago, at sunrise, a wild turtledove took its last breath, lying peacefully inside my hand.
haiku is an unrhymed japanese verse consisting of 3 unrhymed lines of 5,7,5 syllables or 17 syllables in all. it is usually written in the present tense and focuses on nature (seasons).
Written May 22nd, 2006
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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so sad but lovely
tender love and trust
very precious
such a peaceful soul
God bless...
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hahaha, I just wanted to show you the pic ! didn't intend to advertise my poems this way ... (at least not this time
)
but I do appreciate your visit and thank you for leaving your rainbow on this page ...
much love,
marion
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dear genie,
on this one, diana deserves a big part of the merits: without her encouragement and precious advice (to avoid those "ing"-words, for example ...
), I would not have had the motivation nor courage to re-write this poem completely.
I am glad you like it.
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A very good string of haiku. Each are solid on their own, possessing their own realization as well as beauty. Probably the hardest part of writing a haiku is ramaining literal and yet still giving poetic beauty within an dawning moment of realization in 17 or fewer syllables.
I find these tiny poems to be some of the absolute hardest thing to write and so am extremely impressed by those who do them well. Great job!
s and best wishes.. ~genie~
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dear diana,
I am very grateful for your constructive advice which helped me to transform this haiku series completely. I don't know if it is more faithful to the haiku-rules now, but I actually appreciate it better already.
this is very kind of you to invest your precious time and energy to read all my poems so carefully and to provide such useful advice.
thank you.
marion -
This haiku series is very inspirational, just like the life of a turtledove watched closely. I think it has much potential (and I love haiku very much ) Just a few suggestions... because I like haiku so much that I can't help it... Your syllable count is perfect, but haiku is more than syllables, which are in fact not the exact equivalent of the Japanese Onji (sp?) so you may have less.
Haiku are usually in the present tense simple, and while gerunds are not forbidden, they are more often than not avoided. Therefore, I think it might be an advantage for this series if you considered changing the first haiku line gerunds to present simple forms (i.e. - turtledove breathes, turtledove looks, turtledove dies.)
Also, in the last line, I think it would be more appropriate and more enlightenment-like if you just said, "sunrise".
Other than that, the images are wonderful and easy to picture in mind. The photograph is sweet, and I forgot to mention how much I love your paintings. -
the picture was taken a few moments before the turtledove left her body. I silently asked her: "please offer me your last gaze before you leave." and it seemed okay with her, she was so peaceful. she never closed her eyes, stayed motionless within my hand gazing at my eyes. but I just "knew" the moment her soul left, because at that exact moment, my sadness left and I felt peace.
it was her gift to me.
she showed me how to die.
she taught me that nothing really happens ...
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wow... the photo is so amazing together with its haiku. I was led here by your presentation for Convince Us and Deliver so it worked!
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yes, suryame, indeed ...
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So profound ... as your heart one with the heart of the dove, one with the heart of eternal life.
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until this day, I only have had the intellectual knowledge that the dove was considered as a symbol of peace.
through this truly blessed communion with the turtledove, I have been gifted with the grace of concrete experience of this truth.
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I knew that this one would touch your heart, ellis.
there was so much beauty and grace in this timeless moment I had been gifted to share with the dove, transforming all my sadness into peace. I now know that behind all sadness, underneath all grief, there is peace to be found.
the dove had been my teacher, a divinely sent guide towards peace. and for this I will be eternally grateful.
marion
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Beyond Words
This is priceless. I'm speechless. -
dear rosemarie,
I am very grateful for your kind words and your applause.
many blessings,
marion -
Sad piece!
turtledove breathing
in harmony with nature
not afraid of death
turtledove looking
inside my eyes filled with tears
leaving its body
turtledove dying
inside my hand peacefully
morning sun rising
This is a sad, yet beautiful write. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent with us! Debi
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This is lovely. Your words are so touching. Your poem a lovely tribute to the experience. Simply beautiful!
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dear barefoot,
thank you so much for your profound words of appreciation.
marion -
An encredible moment. How wonderful to have such an experience, and then to be able to transpose it into such a nice Waka poem. Really well done. I love the interaction between you and the turtle dove. As it looks at you unafraid and with calm as you become sad and emotionaly responsive. really interesting. thank you for your words.
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