So little
Just beating
Just aching
I want to sleep now, turn off the higher functions of my brain
Dream analysis
1) repetitions of people sleeping with my lover
awake crying at 4 am
after sleeping at 2AM.
I no longer trust my friends/myself
Failure to live the day as me.
2) Repetitions of hospital
can't get enough air
feel so trapped by covers
never seem to live this down in my head
These are nightmares
full of screams.
Real life. made worse.
3) Dreams of things bursting out of the walls
had them since I was 7
Sit in the middle of the room....away from the vents
away from the walls.
It cant get me here.
can it?
4) Dreams of being alone
waking and feeling they are reality
despite the people
what if you wake up one morning and the entire world has gone?
and your the only one?
Isn't that a childhood fantasy? something about
worrying about the death of your parents or something.
why hasn't it gone?
5) dreams of sanity
finding the dream more rewarding than life
a taste of what i was
of what i can be
and not getting there
(like when you dream its hot, and wake up in winter)
6) dreams of anger, of life events, of how the mind works
living asleep/awake/dreaming
cant sleep
cant get to sleep
cant stay asleep
its 4AM drop off point
and 7AM arrival
and can't decide which is better - staying there
or waking.
DO dreams lie more than life? than doctors?
glimpses of worst fears, hopes dreams
agonies.
Getting through another day like this?
no way.
Sometimes i just crawl back.
Its not tiredness that keeps me there.
I cannot face the day. (we all know that feeling)
its crippling.
Where is my life going?
I don't want to break in front of people
I cant pick myself up.
Lie in bed, awake to news that kills me.
Its sorted.
but living in fear now.
standing in the rain. been up for hours.
So tired, but not sleepy.
I need my sleep.
Without it i am a wreck
some people live on 2 hours sleep
i need at least 9
Desperate thoughts come in the early hours
When my mind is desperate to let go
"imagine a black box"
i open my eyes - my room is that box
with figures and shadows looming.
I feel like a child, checking in my cupboards and under my bed
for corpses
Check my bed for them in the morning please.
turn the light on - something is coming for me.
Sleep used to cure me.
Now it makes me sin myself.
Prostitution of an over active mind.
sleep.
dreams.
me.
pathetic.
over.
and if i don't sleep?
wandering mind
calling people, getting no answer
desperation
and a fall.
free fall.
down to a darker place.
Too sharp for skin to bear.
Asking God to clean me up. Anyone?
There is blood on my white sheets again.
My mother has to see these.
Disgust.
Why are you so damned pathetic?
Toilet paper is my best friend.
The pus sticks to the bandage.
Rip it off. Open it up.
This cycle doesn't end.
Morning.
A day, waiting to wake.
A night, waiting to sleep.
Author notes
3 hours.
and still shit
Written May 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Insanity Glows in the Dark... by Kiwi Grimm.
300 points, ended August 11, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Nice! *high fives you* lol I love this. It almost brings to mind a person in a white room with white walls, because of the way you wrote the dream...then the description. I love it, good luck in the contest!
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Wow, this poem is amazing! It's jus so...so...WOW! I've felt this way before. I've gone weeks without sleeping, it's terrible for the mind. I finally gave up and took somesleeping pills though. God, I needed sleep so badly. The pills only helped a little bit though. This poem really reminds me of the movie Th Machinist, I don't know if you've seen it, but it's about this guy that accidently kills this kid by hitting him with his car, and he just drives off, then a year later he hasn't slept at all and he's totally skeletal and he's going completely nuts. Great movie, great poem. Keep writing and keep sharing, I wish you luck ing future poems.
Kissing
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Very good
We are sisters of the soul. This is as familiar as an old friend. Had a night like that last night. Mental Health problems are hell, and part of that is that others really
don't understand. They try and they say they do... but they cannot unless they have been there. Your form and rhythm suit a longer poem like this. Repetition works well in this poem, giving a focus and enforcing the flow. So glad to find your work. This is very good. hugs WolfHeart -
...........I think im nuts!
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Since I have issues with insomia I must say you hit good with a lot of the emotions that go with it and even had some of the paranoia in there; I was impressed most the the time poems about insomnia are written by people who just think about what it could be. You really nailed the emotions on the head great job!
~Lonely~ -
I find it amazing that no matter how long your poems are I get sucked in an have to read them right to the end - I guess its the way you write them - amazing!
I like the lines:
'Its not tiredness that keeps me there.
I cannot face the day' because these lines are simple, honest, almost confessional. Hmmm, confessions - I've been playing around with that idea for a poem for a while.
I think my favorite bit of this poem was:
'Sit in the middle of the room....away from the vents
away from the walls.
It cant get me here.
can it?' - I like the sense of doubt at the end. I also thought (from other parts of the poem too), it seems like you crave safety but are afraid to ask for protection. Maybe thats just the way I read it because I've felt like that before. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I'm here for you. Even if you just want a hug or something, you don't need to explain why - I know that upsets you.
I wish I could think of more to write on such a great poem - oh, actually, I like all the questions as well, I think they really help to keep the readers attention.
Love you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx -
i think you and me have more in common than we know. in that weird anxiety sense. lol. i see why you related to my insomina poem, cause i can relate to this. i find it... i dont kno. because some of the things you state up there is exacty what i do when i sleep. or not sleep. or whatever it is i do at night. small world i suppose.
and then sometimes its not small enough. i guess.
m sighs......
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that poem meas the world to me
it actually will help to know that you will be awake. not in a weird stalker way, but in a someone else going through the same thing way.
thankyou so much
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Your depression cries out loudly in this piece even above the insomnia. How can I tell? Takes one to know one....
I was glued to this piece from the very beginning and could not stop reading, even at the length of it. This grows in depth, pain, profound emotion to the point that I ached right beside you, along with you as I read each line slowly, carefully, savoring each word as if it were the last. You have an amazing style that is not seen in every poet I read. This was real, raw and painful... just what poetry about life should be. To me, if you're gonna tell it, then tell it like it truly is; and that's exactly what you've done. You've delivered up an amazing piece that's about to be bookmarked. I'll be reading this one many times, just so I know I'm not the only one out there who has nights like this.
Thank you so very much for putting yourself out there for everyone to read. THIS is poetry IN MOTION. BRAVO!
Many Blessings,
♥ Lily
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yeh im depressed too.
thats waht the poem is about
cheers for reading, glad you like it
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I must say hun I really liked this and it is so truthful everything you have said and thought about, being without sleep buggers you totally up and the thoughts that go through your mind are really weird...I have thought of worse !!!
Plus it doesn't help when you are depressed like I am, that makes matters ten times worse !!
I really liked this and it is well written indeed a pleasure to read xxx
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