She wanders alone,
Through the dark forest,
Shrouded in night time.
Shadows dance across her path,
A frenzied waltz with the light from her lantern,
Her crisp white dress,
Flutters behind her,
Like the wings of a snowy butterfly.
Gliding gracefully step after step,
Long flowing auburn hair,
Mixing with the leaves of autumn,
That swirl around her as she walks.
She reaches a lake,
A mirror for the skies,
Each star winking to its reflection.
The blackness of the lake,
Broken by a silver staircase,
Glittering in the dim, silver light of the moon,
Reaching down inside the lake,
Further than she can see.
Enticed, tempted, she steps forward,
She gasps,
The harsh cold bites her skin,
Yet she carries on,
And step by step she climbs,
Down the staircase.
Small giggles echo from the bottom of the stairs,
The woman runs faster,
Searching for that laughter.
She runs, for days, weeks,
Months,
Years.
Her face wrinkles from the expression of anxiety,
Fixed upon her face,
Her vibrant hair begins to dull,
Begins to turn silver, silver like the moon,
Like the stars,
Like the staircase.
Her joints creak,
Her muscles groan,
And she cannot take it anymore,
Her muscles collapse,
Her bones give in.
The giggles return,
The voice of a mouse, amplified,
And screeching in her ears.
And as the body lies,
Its colour fades,
None of its own,
Sharing its colour with the staircase,
The eyes still open,
Staring constantly,
With their silver gaze…
And passers-by will notice,
A subtle shining face,
SLeeping beneath the surface,
Of the silvery lake...
Author notes
Um... the ending is kinda weak, but i got a bit stuck.
Any suggestions are welcome =]
xXx
Written May 21st, 2006
A contest entry
- Swirl this Raspberry. by sweetpearl.
300 points, ended June 1, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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thanks!!
yes, thats my favourite line too
hehe, well anyway... thanks again!!
<33 xxx -
amazing
*jaw drops to ground*
i think this has got to be one of the most amazing, awesomest (yes, in my world its a word) poems i have ever read.
your words are so descriptive and creates the most amazing imagery ever! and the story is so awesome....kind of creepy too. she dies trying to reach the giggles but never really gets there. i loved the ending, its really powerful and ends the poem well. seriously, i cannot describe how much i love this poem....it just reay reached me and sounded awesome
She reaches a lake,
A mirror for the skies,
i loved those lines in particular....i had never thought of a lake like that and those lines are just two of the most fabulous, descriptive, and yet incredibly truthful that i have read.
excellent poem, great job
and also, thanks for a comment you left on one of my poems a while ago, and sorry its taken me this long to return the favour....great job
-
haha ok then well, thanks anyway!
tehe <33 x -
Oops...well it was still brilliant! Great job love *kisses and kisses and smooches and smooches* lmmfao ... sorry.. i just watched the lamest tv show and i had to say it but you did great with the poem though whether the staircase was yours or not!
<2+1&poison~kisses~so~delicious
-Allure of a Rose- -
thanks =] the staircase idea was part of the contest, can't take credit for that
Thanks for your comment, 'twas very nice indeed!! =D <33 x
Edited on Jun 22, 4:47 p.m. because ''. -
Fantastic
Very nice love... Good job you did there.. proud of you! Do us all a favor and keep writing... It really is good silver is awesome.. reminds me of Blitz' eyes though.. I miss him.. but it's a beautiful poem really it is.. It's fairly strong all the way through you did a good job with it.. I like the staircase idea in it.. -
thanks - i really like that idea of her just being below the surface... i might change it if i get time!!
And yeh, i think it would make a good song =]]
Well, thanks for your comments, and your suggestions!
<33 xXx =]] xxx -
thankyou for your comments and your suggestion - good idea, it flows better that way. thankyou for that - i shall have to go and change it now...
xx <33 -
ahahahahahaha.... that was awesome. wished it was a song but yeh. we can't have everything. a doom metal song...... by my dying bride. erm and if it was me writing it then i would have had the ending be her lying just below the surface of the lake... like, she's been running so long but hasn't actually moved. but then if it was me writing it i wouldn't have been able to write such a good poem. not really saying you should change it. just saying what i thought when i read it. very cool piece loved reading it, thanks. keep writing and all........
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"She reaches a lake,
A mirror for the skies"
--yay a different way than saying the sky reflects off the water. I liked this.
"The harsh cold bites her skin"
--oh the image. I hate the cold and I can feel this part. I think the ending is fine the way it is. This:
"Searching for whoever laughed"
--just my personal opinion but I would like to see it as more of a "searching for that laughter" ... or searching for laughter instead of whoever laughed. I'm not sure why though. Good job and thanks for entering my contest. -
thankyoooooou pollly!! =]
hehe, love you xxx -
oh no! the ending isnt weak, i think its the strongest part. it leaves the reader wanting a little bit more. which is always good!! well done honey, this is beautiful.
muchos love n shizz xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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