the sun is setting
yellow orange red blue purple
night sky fades to black
Author notes
This is my first Haiku. Can't really figure out the whole punctuation thing...any suggestions?? Thanks!
Written May 20th, 2006
A contest entry
- Haiku Contest (Results being corrected-- This contest is closed. ) by Dreamy Green Eyes.
300 points, ended May 27, 2006, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This piece is excellent and doesn't need any punctuation...unless you want to separate "yellow, blue, red, orange, purple". I liked this piece though, for it was full of imagery, had the traditional haiku feel(5-7-5 and nature), and much more. Keep up the great writing!
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vivid description of a sunset:)
I am not real familiar with the haiku, but I do know that I like this little poem because it vividly describes a sunset. I love to watch the sun go up or go down. I guess it's my most favorite time of the day. I know someone who probably could help you with your haikus though...Leo2
Thanks for your heartfelt comment on my Jessica poem.
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I have no idea what the rules are about Haiku...So I am going to comment on the words used...This was lovely...Thank you for sharing
Tessa -
I'm a bit of a rebel myself and don't give a hoot for attitudes that create inflexibility. Things must evolve to survive I feel. I like your poem and wish you well in the contesting. Robi
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Lots of good information above, for a first time haiku - kudos for your efforts. Its uphill all the way from now on. Keep writing...
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I never try to do haiku's cause I know I'm not very good at them so I"m not even gonna try and critique this. I like it, if the blue doesn't fit that's fine. It actually works in my mind. That's definitely a bonus for me, the type that never gets these things! Good luck in the future on these....
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Well, for your first time in the haiku section, I think you have done quite a remarkable job
You provided us the images needed, and there's also something of an AHA-moment in there (revelation) however, it feels more as if you were telling this instead of showing.
Haiku is in fact a short form of poetry that tries to show a particular moment, image the poet experienced
There are also different types of Haiku... I see you went for the traditional haiku with the syllable count of 5-7-5 (though you have 8 syllables in your second line) so as Lencio-Sunchild suggested before, you can get rid of the word Blue
maybe this one needs a little more work but all by all you've done a good job
thank you for sharing this with us and welcome to the site! -
Thanks for the pointers!
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Nice job!
the sun is setting
yellow orange red blue purple
night sky fades to black
I think you did a nice job on this haiku! For a first try... it is great! Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent! Best wishes in the contest! Debi
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There are a lot of rules in a haiku and I feel you have followed most of them. However, your middle line has an additional syllable, maybe you can do away with the word blue perhaps. also when you write a haiku next time, try and avoid the "ing" word in a verb, I used to write like this until someone from AP and very good at haiku told me about this. But I must say, for your first 'ku, this is wonderful. Also try not to use duplicate meanings like - night sky is black, so it fading to black would be like the same thing. but never mind dont change this, try and find another theme and work on it, and see the improvement.
All the best
Love and light,
Lencio
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