Car turning south
from the turn a bike came in
end in a flash
Author notes
Written May 20th, 2006
A contest entry
- Haiku Contest (Results being corrected-- This contest is closed. ) by Dreamy Green Eyes.
300 points, ended May 27, 2006, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Nice job!
Car turning south
from the turn a bike came in
end in a flash
Nice job with this piece! I liked this haiku! Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent! Best wishes in the contest!
Debi
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thank you Amber
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Fiza, I am glad you are trying haiku. Myron told me that haiku is what we see. I don't always remember that, but I am trying. The change you have made to the last line is poetical. You need to describe what you would see. For instance "books lie scattered".
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you asked me to comment about your haiku, so i'm doing so.
it was good to read this poem about an accident. i don't normally see that in a haiku, but i think it's a good idea. we can write haiku about anything.
the thing i like about good haiku (& what many find difficult about the form) is that they are open-ended poems; it's up to each reader to finish the poem in their own minds. so i guess i have some concern with yoiur final line - especially the word 'death' which is so final. but it you could find another word for 'death', then i ythink your haiku would improve.
best wishes in the contest,
myron.
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