I didn't make it to Barstow before the drugs kicked
in; in fact, I was still sleeping in central Maine
but dreaming of Barstow and points south of it.
In the morning, I will return to nicotine and
caffeine, cigarette-and-coffee breath, but tonight
my diet is made up of something else.
When I was fifteen, I first fell in love with a
chain smoker. He had sandy freckles around his eyes
and never thought twice when he inadvertently
pushed me into growing up. I was sixteen when I
heard the testimony of another, who told me about
a time when he was so liberated he stood in the
basin of an empty swimming pool and danced with
the stars he plucked form the sky with the most
striking pale and slender fingers.
I know if I were Siddhartha, I would never need
this sort of a crutch but I am not and I decided
so young that I would rather have sat under the
pipal tree and known of something than to have
never obtained that at all.
Author notes
Written May 20th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Different
Descriptive
Deep
Intense
Questioning
Thought-provoking
Slightly disturbed flow that suits the poem
Some words from me
Love Sam -
i like this piece its very beautiful
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amazing
This is... sweet? Yes, it's sweet. It's short and to the point. I love it! It's simple and it makes sense to those who know anything about pain. Good job... -
Captivating
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Wonderful little story write. Visually colourful. It left me wanting more, more more! Cigarettes and coffee, how many times in my life.........It's now Nicabate lozenges and English Breakfast tea for me! Thanks for the inspire!
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I'm reading Siddhartha right now.
I'm not very far, but it is a pretty good book.
This was very deep. It made me think about the first time I fell in love with a boy named Ryan when I was 15. Hehehe, I'm not sure why, I guess it was the second stanza.
The whole poem is very deep. I can't really think of a title, though. I'm useless at naming things. I have the worst names for my writes.
This is beautiful, though, Mummy. WRITE MORE.
-Cory
.x -
Unusual and very original! .
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without title,explained
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I didn't get it. Maybe I did but I think I'm mistaken. Anyway, I would title it "Scattered". But that's just me.
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I know if I were Siddhartha, I would never need
this sort of a crutch but I am not and I decided
so young that I would rather have sat under the
pipal tree and known of something than to have
never obtained that at all.
Truely so thought provoking and so deep expression here indeed...
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I really liked this piece. It had the sensory I long for in poems, and I felt as if I understood it entirely. You've produced a great work here. I wonder, perhaps, if it would be better in prose form? Just a thought. You can do what you like with it, being that it's yours. But fantastic piece nonetheless.
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wonderful piece! filled with desciption and as a great flow along with it. I really enjoyed this piece. Great work. God bless
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Captivating, descriptive and beautiful; everything worth looking for in a poem.
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exelent
very good my friend you should keep adding to this it will make an exelent stoty .thank you for sharing it with us and keep up the good work
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Unusual
Hmmm, this poem does give me pause for thought. It is very descriptive, although somewhat of an enigma to me. I am not sure if I am just being dumb, as I am not quite sure what the message is that you are trying to convey here. It certainly is very different. -
GREAT
THIS POEM ITS BEAUTIFUL KEEP GOING. -
Thumbs Up
Very original work here. Some striking contrasts, chain smoking and Siddhartha. I certainly captivated me, even though I'm not sure, at this juncture, what I really think about it. Seem like it gets better as it goes
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fabulous
wow. you have an beautiful and unique quality to your tale. i would enjoy your narrative voice in something of novel-length. it drew me in very quickly, and i was dissappointed that it was not the beginning paragraph of a long story! but i say it's great to leave people wanting more. it's always better to have a piece seem too short than too long. great job. -
It's descriptive for sure, and you make it seem light almost, as if it is so delicate. But with this you incorparate things succh as chain smokers and drugs? I thought this made it seem slightly messy. The flow is great, it's easy to read.
However I wouldn't say it's a favourite, nor would I say I liked it.
Cheers. -
I loved this piece. it is so descriptive with an alluring captivating quality. The thoughts are deep and captivating. The flow and form are outstanding1 Great write from start to finish. Keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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