Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I spill myself in places still and dry

 

 

 

 

I spill myself in places still and dry. 
A muddled inky masterpiece of words 
reflects the blueish moonbeams in my eye 
and like my life, is sliced up into thirds: 

a start for when the hooks will snag my heart, 
a story for the pages in between, 
and when the songs of age have played their part... 
an ending for the horrors I have seen. 

In three great cuts I bleed these seeds from me, 
as giver-lover-griever grieves away 
I know that poems hold the crowning key 
despite these nights in lone cabriolet. 

And on until the day on which I die 
I spill myself, and spill myself... and cry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

english sonnet
Written May 20th, 2006


I consider both the poetry I write and the tears I cry little, interconnected pieces of me I take great care in placing only in specific appropriate places they won't fall too far away from why they were felt in the first place. This one's about just that, living my poetry and crying it out after. Here. For all of you. My darling collectors of each little piece of me.

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • XLadyElinorX
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ohhhh. . .this is so sad and I love it. It reveals a certain depth in you that seems like it has been ripped open. . .I don't know. . .this is amazing.

    "And on until the day on which I die
    I spill myself, and spill myself... and cry."

  • ecrivain01
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on your Silver trophy. Nice to see you coming out of your shell.


  • Peripatetic gold member
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a moving sonnet with almost brutal imagery of the process and need for poetry; personal need that transcends inspiration and does not regard the world's evaluation.
    The first and second verses may track as the diagramming or parsing of a poem's inspiration, theme & development. The third verse and the heroic couplet turn the reader's understanding: it is not the poem, but the poet who is being parsed and diagrammed.
    The 12th line is a fine transition to the couplet, as the poet is seen a lone passenger beneath the stars of the universe, the wheels of the art that carries him along lubricated by the inky ichor of his very soul.


  • Avatar of Innocence
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh, my dear Psydeways. I hope the speaker in this poem is a persona you have assumed. If not, let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I mean this sincerely. What I can do, I will, what I can't, I will still attempt.

    Much love from a voiceless fan.

    Avatar (Jour).


  • Angel Full Of Hurt
    June 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I spill myself in places still and dry.
    A muddled inky masterpiece of words
    reflects the blueish moonbeams in my eye
    and like my life, is sliced up into thirds:
    a start for when the hooks will snag my heart,
    a story for the pages in between,
    and when the songs of age have played their part...
    an ending for the horrors I have seen.
    In three great cuts I bleed these seeds from me,
    as giver-lover-griever grieves away
    I know that poems hold the crowning key
    despite nights in my lone cabriolet.
    And on until the day on which I die
    I spill myself, and spill myself... and cry.

    Wooo, wooo, I'm sorry I have to post ur poem here because it's soooo precious that I just have to touch it by posting it here...this is a captivating, special and cherishable poem! Unbelieveably tantalizing! It's got the emotions, it's got the flow, it's got the attractions, it's got abstract art but clear, it's reallly marvelous, just simply marvelous..you got really real talent..no wonder ure a published author..U R SO FANTABULOUSLY GOOD at THIS! Oh, i wish i could be like you then again, there can only one SPECIAL YOU!

  • honeybe
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    its so much harder to walk alone than to walk with others...as long as one knows when walking alone is not the best thing to do. later Honeybe


  • the finer point
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I read a lot of poetry. I love it. And one thing I hate about too much of our generation is that far too many of us who claim to be poets place ourselves in a league even NEAR that of the classics (Herbert, Keats, Frost, Eliot, Vergil, Horace, Ovid, Shakespeare, Catullus, Petrarch, Wordsworth, etc.--those are some of my favorites). But for anyone to rightly say that this was OUT of their league (implying 'unworthy of') would be strongly suggestive that he/she was smoking something. The flow was perfect--sensuous even. Not with the connotation, but with the meaning that it was outstandingly aesthetic. The rhyming was effortless, to a degree that reminds me of the ease with which Horace fit almost Scripture-like lines to the Latin meters (a formidable task to any man...ever, but for few).

    I really want to buy your book

    in Christ and God bless,
    Evan

  • ecrivain01
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'm bumping the score on this one to a 10.
    Edited on May 26 because ''.


  • PsydewaysTears gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Alrighty, thanks!

  • ecrivain01
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Okay. Then do this:

    despite the nights of lone cabriolet. (despite nights in my lone cabriolet)

    That way, it makes sense, anybody reading it will understand that cabriolet is something you are "in"; and if they don't know the world, they can look it up.

    I guess I should say, that's my recommendation. It's still your poem, but if people don't understand the word, they are not really going to get where you're coming from.

    Also, if you are worried about the meter, try this:

    (despite my nights of lone cabriolet.)


    Edited on May 25, 11:31 p.m. because ''.

  • PsydewaysTears gold member
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ---The "lone cabriolet" represents how I'm alone on an endeavor that'd be easier to embark upon with someone else beside me. The image of a person sitting alone on a two-seatted horse-drawn carriage night after night after night is exactly the image I wanted to pull the reader into understanding why I spill myself at all, what causes me to write poetry, and how the things I write are ultimately just a reflection of who I am inside and out when they manifest in the form of puddles of tear-soaked dispensation.

  • ecrivain01
    May 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I had a problem with cabriolet earlier, but thought it was something relevant there. It kept gnawing at me so I looked it up:

    cabriolet
    cabriolet

    n : small two-wheeled horse-drawn carriage; with two seats and a folding hood

    Could you explain to me exactly what that has to do with this poem, and if it is relevant, how and why you've used it the way you have?

    Thanks.



  • bluejeanbaby87
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    This is amazing.I am so glad I decided to read this poem.This is a powerful,emotional, and strong write.I love your style!!Great work.Thanks for posting such a fantastic piece.~bluejeanbaby87~


  • chat noir
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i fall down in rapt admiration at your feet. in.cred.i.ble.

    and a sonnet...! dude... damn.

    xoxo
    -kier


  • starwing
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    been here...done this...and writing is such a release.. a very good write..flowed effortlessly...keep up the good inks..peace...shzoosy


  • Be-Gentle
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    THIS WAS A TERRIFIC READ..I HOPE YOU WIN THE CONTEST..IT'S DESERVING FOR THIS WONDERFUL PIECE..


  • feathered-spiders
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    'a start for when the hooks will snag my heart,
    a story for the pages in between,
    and when the songs of age have played their part...
    an ending for the horrors I have seen.'

    This was really well written for a poem of this content. I don't think I've actually ever read a sonnet about cutting and bleeding, and if i have it in no comparison to this piece. I don't have a very good understanding of the technique but I can see that you do, which made this a great write and a very interesting read. Well done!
    Avian xx

  • petalessflower
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the great work.


  • geminiblacc silver member
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great entry, I don't think you need to make this any better I really enjoyed this write.

  • DanielleFace
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    a story for the pages in between,
    and when the songs of age have played their part...
    an ending for the horrors I have seen.
    In three great cuts I bleed these seeds from me,

    that was my favorite part.
    this was really nice.
    i enjoyed it alot.


  • M.A.King
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This caught my eye earlier and I am even more impressed upon several readings. Not one suggestion on form. You know it well and the skill with which you've written this sonnet is evident.

    The subject is compelling; it is expressed strongly with rich phrases, all arranged beautifully. Your couplet is stunning--especially that last line.

    My score for this sonnet is a 10

  • Alisia White
    May 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ugh! this is sad! and Wow! it commands my respect as a poem. Very clear. Extremely smooth expression of the choppy, broken feelings. The imagery is superb. I don't see anything to critique regarding mechanics, etc;
    I only want to say, I sincerely hope your life isn't bad as all that, and that you'll soon find something not so hopeless to slice up into the thirds of a sonnet.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Alisia
    Edited on May 22, 11:34 p.m. because ''.


  • EyeRaven
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely stunning,
    one whos words will hang out so clear and strong,
    a great poem,
    good work


  • Blind-Ambition
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely amazing.
    I've always thought you should do more with various forms because you're so particular about specific words and rhythm anyway.
    I wish I knew how you think of these things. Lovely poem.

    A muddled inky masterpiece of words
    Reflects the blueish moonbeams in my eye

  • ecrivain01
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Yikes. This is a terrific poem. I am at a loss as to what I could tell you to improve this.

    I am not particularly fond of capitalizing each word at the beginning of each line, but that's a minor pecadillo, and I've done it myself, usually because my word program insists on it, and I can't figure out how to stop that. I assume it's the same with you.

    On a scale of 1-10, I have to give you a 9, for now. When we get to the end of the judging, I may revise that, but I can't be sure until I see what other poems are entered. In any case, congratulations on a great entry.

1 - 25 of 25