Where were you
when she played her song
as she whispered her heart to me?
An angel's tune
with a child's laugh;
a vision you could never see.
Where were you
when her tear was shed,
as I provided a listening ear?
A cry so sweet
as an infant's chirp;
a sound you could never hear.
Where were you
when she longed for warmth
in remembrance of sorrow's past?
A coldness she bears
from destiny's choice,
an emotion you've already surpassed.
Where were you
when she pained of lust,
a heat of passionate rage?
A blood so warm
that caresses my soul,
a feeling you could never engage.
Where are you
when she comes to me,
and shares a love so grand?
A touch, a smell,
a voice so sweet~
a moment I will internally demand.
You turned away
as she needed someone,
your charms went someplace else~
You gave her away
all the times you left!
There's no one to blame, but yourself!
Author notes
this poem was written in second person
to step out side of myself and into someone else.
Written May 19th, 2006
A contest entry
- Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1011 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Interesting, very interesting -
I was a bit confused in that i'm not entirely sure where the other person was, particularly as you said you weren't writing from your own mind ... just a little confusing, but that aside, -
the poem was well written, i enjoyed the question session and then teh description of each action which followed.
thanks for entering
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Very Good
I like this a lot, mostly the style, but the words have power too
Where were you
when she pained of lust,
a heat of passionate rage?
A blood so warm
that caresses my soul,
a feeling you could never engage.
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well, thats just a compliment and a half, boyee
ty
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Well, I don't care for rhyming poetry, unless it's abstract. But I came to see the piece that took third. And I have to say, that for choosing to rhyme, I think you did well enough. In fact, I like the way that this is formatted. And the pacing was nearly completely even, as was the meter count. So it wound up with a nice rhythm to it.
So all in all? But I think that I liked it, and you deserved your win. Congratulations! ^^-^^ -
Understanding
I can sooo relate. A lot of times that has happened where i would be so sad about something and i thought it was very apparent, but many people, who even knew me like the back of their hand, couldn't see. A lot of times only one person showed through, and that one person showed everytime..That person i love like family still to this day. My family sometimes has rough patchesand that person helps a lot. I am really hoping that you were the person helping, because then you will know how it feels as I am writing this to you. It is purely torture going through that, having nly one personm in your support circle, becuase that only one person cares. If you were that one person, I would give my life to you, because you helped the victim out so much! I commend you on doing so, and if you were the one hurt, or the one that ever felt this way. I understand! I really do, I may not have a lot of wisdom but I have gone through a lot more than most people at this age...So many family fights, getting expelled, aqlmost getting jumped, having my famioly look down at me and a lot of other stuff that teens dont usually relize happens. only that one person truly helped me..and I owe them my life, because if it wasn't for them, I would be typing this to you! God bless, remember God is there to talk, and help heal! -
I think this poem can speak to many people in many different ways. To me it is the song of an adopting or fostering mother to the birth mother. Very poignant and moving.
You have written a very moving poem. The images you have created with your words and the structure of the poem are vivid and very evocative. -
This is sad but a great write... wut is it about exactly?
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Fabulous!
wow!! most of the time i detest rhyme, but that was imply beautiful! the flow was impecable! i can't find anything wrong. I think the vocabulary made it even better for me and the subject matter was perfect. it's hatefull and sad, yet not over the top! beautiful write! keep it up!
~Lathwen
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