Silken feathers, shine
within spring forest's shadows,
left by naughty cats.
neko wa mori
no kage ni hane wo
oitekita
.
Author notes
Naughty little kitties!
fragmented sentence... but fun isnt it?
tsudsuki wa... wakaranai kedo, omoshirokata ne?
Written May 19th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku Contest (Results being corrected-- This contest is closed. ) by Dreamy Green Eyes.
300 points, ended May 27, 2006, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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a lovely response - thanks. what about the punctuation in this haiku? do you really think they're all needed? what do you think if it looked like this?
silken feathers - shine
within spring forest's shadows
left by naughty cats
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Very interesting and smooth piece. There is a wisdom here. Great one!
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I did write the Japanes translation, but it is strikingly baren in comparison to the English. My lack of mastery in Japanese leaves me speaking more like a child than the like of Basho. I find my translationsto be lacking more imaginative, and expressive language. It is fun to try and at times doesnt work at all. I attempt to keep them to the same syllable count... but english and japanese always have difficulties in direct translation. They are mirror languages, where the verb and object are opposite eachother.
Their are also no capital letters though modern japanese does at times implore the use of commas... I chose not to. Kanji would be usedand if this site supported Hiragana and kanji... then...
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Silken feathers, shine
within the forest's shadows,
left by naughty cats.
good to see a japanese version of this haiku. did you write that too, or get somebody to translate your english into japanese?
i notice that the japanese version doesn't have any punctuation. yet your english version has 3 and a capital letter as well.
a haiku is not a sentence so it doesn't need a capital letter at the beginning & it certainly doesn't need a full stop at the end. a good haiku is an open-ended poem which is completed by the readers.
best wishes,
myron.
PS i realize that the contest host prefers 17 syllable haiku - although i think this sample of yours is too padded out. (sorry.)
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Great poem for the contest. love the kitties. they do tend to chase the poor birdies. such a perfect picture of natures true cruelty. our favorite pet a mudering villian... but oh so cute we cant hate them...
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Nice job!
Silken feathers, shine
within the forest's shadows,
left by naughty cats.
neko wa mori
no kage ni hane wo
oitekita
Poor bird!
Nice job with this haiku... Thanks for sharing your talent... Best wishes in the contest! 
Debi
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This made me smile.
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