KOI POND
Hand shadows over pond--
the koi gulp
what isn't there
(5/18/06)
js
Author notes
BACKGROUND CREDIT:
www.backgrounds.mbif.net/aquatic1.html
In a list
A contest entry
- Koi Pond. by Poetic Aphrodite.
400 points, ended April 6, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I am speechless.
I can't wait until I can get a gold membership. I love the way your backgrounds only add to the superb gifts you write with. This reminds me of a line I'm writing about being lost in the desert, regarding what isn't there.
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incredible ... I love the way you created an image through the absence of it ... showing us our own illusions and our response to them ...
I will learn a lot from you, I think ...
just bookmarked your list ...
maa
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Great presentation with that neat background for this haiku. Liked the way the twist was in the lines - cute
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Thankyou for your beautiful entry, Bella
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Oh, this is lovely! I love the image of the hand and the koi.
Boy, I saw this contest, and you know where my mind went. She is too kind a hostess, I will leave LJ at home today.
Good luck in the contest!
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thanks David! This haiku was the only fish-themed poem I've ever written. I should've have really write one about the time the 40-gallon fish tank cracked! Was a good contest and great winning choices too!
BTW, if you write a lot a poems about fishing, I have some great images you can use if you'd like. I just picked up one the other day which is a silhouette and really looks good, so lemme know and I'll pass a link where you can click 'em up!
Jo -
short and sweet
Short but sweet, NoWayJo, a very big fortune in a really snmall cookie.
Best of luck in the contest.
David Michaels -
thank you so much for the comments left me to this haiku, Debi...and ENJOY THE CONTEST!
Jo -
thank you for the comments, Bengali...I really appreciate.
Jo -
I remember you coming around with this first applause this past weekend, Ted...and thank you for both that applause and your comment!
Jo -
thanks for your comments and advice as to this haiku, Myron, and I think you're right that an article--specifically, "THE pond" is needed in the first line. I tend to over-edit poems of "the's" and "a's," and in this instance it does feel necessary.
I always appreciate your feedback and thank you again!
Jo -
good
Another lovely snapshot in this haiku form. -
Good job!
I really liked your haiku! Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent! Best wishes in the contest! Debi -
Very interesting JO. I have always enjoyed the Koi fish and been easily drawn into Japanese things. Beautiful poem.
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Brava!
Dear Jo, You dazzle me with your poem! The image is stunning and brings back memories of a pond. I am afraid that I will never write Haiku but I know when it is beautiufl. Brava! Jane -
excellent
beautifully captured images and a beautiful background,too.good luck in the contest. -
I love your comments quote, Robi..."If you're going THROUGH hell, keep going." the neighbors next door had a koi fish pond which I'll admit having visited more than a few times with my cat, Dove, at my side--(peaceable cat with claws). I guess teasing the fish and all, me and the cat were of one mindset..."If you're going TO hell, keep going!"
There's no commandment "Thou shalt not tease goldfish," right? and we never caused no harm...it's just moments to remember.
Jo -
I love how you worded it "cruel pleasure," Barefoot, but in actuality I guess that's what it is. I think gulping fish mouths are the coolest...and if you keep 'em hungry enough, they'll scramble back and forth following that shadow throuh the pond or the aquarium or fishbowl too!
Be right back, phone's ringing and I think it's PETA calling...
Jo
Edited on May 19, 10:40 p.m. because ''. -
thanks for your comments to this haiku, Susan. I picked up the background at this site and couldn't resist using it, but they have a lot of great backgrounds there, not only aquatics but most everything. I think I have background/border/image disorder myself!
here's the link before I forget: www.backgrounds.mbif.net/aquatic1.html
Jo
Edited on May 19, 1:51 p.m. because 'to correct website address'. -
This is more than beautiful! It's completely breathtaking. Good luck in the contest. This is 1 of 25 poems to be applauded for your winning entry in the Applauding Crazy contest. Thank you for participating and I am trying to fulfill each applause with a comment!
Ted E -
clever
Hand's shadow over pond--
the koi gulp
what isn't there
hi Jo - i like the images in this haiku & the fact that the final image concentrates on what isn't there. tghat's very clever - sort of a non-image image, lol.
are you happy with the flow of the first line? i'm wondering about the way it reads out loud without any articles in it.
otherwise it's an excellent
example of contemporary haiku with its clean break in syntax at the end of the first line & its evocative nature and good, plain language.
all the very best in the contest,
myron.
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A moment, captured perfectly. Robi
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soo true. often i have waved my hand over a pond to watch the koi rise to eat the invisible bread i have thrown. I feel a little bad... but it is a cruel pleasure that i delight in. Their mouths are so much fun to watch.
loved it. well done.
Edited on May 21, 11:51 because ''. -
excellent~
This is an excellent haiku/senryu sis....
I love it..the koi's gulping at a hand shadow thinking it's feeding time...
Love the background too...where ever did you find it??? I love backgrounds...call me the background nut
Best of luck in the contest....
Love ya
Your sis
Susan~~~
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