I’ve been finding myself thinking of you,
Wondering what it’d be like to live with you,
To be with you every waking moment
And to breathe with you leaning on my chest.
I sit here in the backseat of the car
Watching streetlights zip on by
I can’t imagine finding my way back home
But I can’t understand the time we’ve spent alone.
I reach out to take your shining hand
I grasp at nothing more than empty air,
I wish I could have come a moment sooner
Then I would’ve been here.
I’m not sure, how I’m meant to be
I don’t know, why you trust in me
I can’t try, for fear of failing
But I go on – ignoring my own ailing.
So you plead to the jury
So you cry out loud in fury!
So you believe this world has stolen,
So much happiness from you.
Grief is everlasting, never passing
Fear is not fantastic, nor is it entrancing
Yield to the tamers feelings,
Unintentionally he’ll be leading.
Closing in my thoughts of you
I decide you’re ever-true
You’ll hold a honest place in my heart
Until the sun is rising underground.
Author notes
This one's for Kae, one of our lengthy conversations has come back to me in a tired trance and for some reason the sun rising underground has a kind of romantic finality to it. The title has been picked by Kae too - and I personally think it has a very fitting place at the head of this poem.
Written May 16th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is very beautiful, and a wonderful dedication to her. I like that you didn't just come out and say something like "til the end of time" .. you've never been one for tacky phrases like that .. "until the sun rises underground" is, as you mentioned, a "romantic" way to end it.
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I loved it! It was a great write.
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Beatiful wording and emotion creates such a viid picture in the mind of reaching out for love, only to grasp at "empty air". Flow was excellent and rhyming not contrived. Very well penned, keep it up.
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Excellent
Beautifully written. The word go streight to the heart and linger. -
I can feel a transition, a pretty big change within this piece.
At first, I can feel the love, and I can actually remember myself sitting in the back of the car, just looking up at the sky, but not really looking at it, instead thinking of the person I truly loved - or felt I did.
And then it seems more wise, not intelligent, more like mature. (Not saying you aren't intelligent
) It just seems as if you wrote the first part when you were at a significant stage in your life, and then the other part when you were at another stage.
It's extremely well written, the form, rhyming and flow are excellent. Though maybe if you made two poems out of this, it would be better.
Just a thought,
Cheers,
Hopeful. -
Fear might not be entrancing, but this piece is.
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Touching
Another marvelous piece Jay... Really touches, I can relate to this one in a lot of ways I didn't think I would have reacted to. -
A beautiful dedication to someone that it sounds like you care about. Wonderful job.
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