Trapped.
Trying to lure me in,
you'll be the one for which i sin.
Trying to suck me down,
in your sea of love i drown.
Constantly taking when all I really want
is to give.
Self-destroying when I truly want to live.
Lost and lonely little girl
where do I belong?
Must find a way to right my wrongs.
I must give in and ask for help.
Too much weight on my shoulders,
can't do it by myself.
Lost and lonely,all alone.
You can't even pick up the phone.
Trapped in dreamworld,desert hell.
No one to reach out to,
not a soul to tell.
Stuck in dreamworld,fantasy land.
I think I can't but I know I can.
I thought that I would never fall.
Silly rabbit,
you could have had it all.
You feel joy when I feel pain.
I don't want to play your games.
Set me free.
Let me be.
And you don't hear a word of what I'm saying.
My buttons you would push,
my patience you would test.
Cursed by jealousy,
I shut out all the rest.
You're the worst,
but I treat you like the best.
and each time I give into you
I end up with less and less.
You trigger my addictions
to which I'm still enslaved.
Walking down a never ending path
in which my tears are paved.
No matter how much it matters to me,
nothing will ever make you see.
Addicted to you and addicted to you and me.
I'm drowning in my own tears.
Enslaved to love,
I live in fear.
I get you back and then I leave.
Choking and you will not let me breathe.
Misunderstood and used,
blaming myself for your abuse.
Choked and strangled,
in your hands my body lay mangled.
Because you lie the truth is tangled.
My tired body healing from the pain,
can't take it back-
things will never be the same.
Why did you have to do what you did?
The trust is broken now that you've
committed an act I can't forgive.
How could you ever hit me?
I guess the love I feel you cannot see.
May bey it's not meant to be.
How can I ever trust you again?
You were my lover and my best friend.
You saved my life
then tried to kill me.
If you think I owe you then just bill me.
And after all this I can still say
that I love you.
Why did you do what you did?
Why do you do what you do?
My life is being put to waste.
Running from the truth I'm too troubled to face.
Tired from these lessons I'm being forced to learn.
Your lips are all I wish to taste
and for you my heart continues to yearn.
Nothing left of how things used to be.
Stuck here by myself to grieve,
Robbed.
And now there's only me.
Heartbroken.
Suicidal,
I'm dying can't you see?
Trapped in hell and you hold the key.
Devil's on my back.
He's only satisfied
when you attack.
I was told to not look back and leave.
What will it take to make you believe?
I'll meet you at the Gates of Heaven,
then may bey you will see.
It's only in the afterlife
that we could ever be.
Then you're anger and my guilt
will be released,
and we will no longer have to grieve.
Depart not from my side,
but i can no longer let the devil
take us for a ride.
I can no longer hold your hand
as you walk down this path of darkness
in no man's land.
Babizinnio,in you lies a stronger man.
Please don't let in the spirit of grief
for death is it's partner
and your soul it shall reap.
The grief caused by the loss
of the one you love,
-your daughter-
and now you have strayed
from the one who loves you up above.
Depart not from my side,
but I can no longer run and hide.
The word of God has touched my life,
and led me toward a path of shining light.
I can no longer hold your hand,
for I have found a better man.
I must walk with the lord
and live God's plan.
Author notes
This poem is dedicated to my ex-boyfriend Rob.the lines "stuck here by myself to grieve/Robbed/and now there's only me"because his name was Rob and he robbed me not only of material things but emotionally,physically,and spiritually as well.I have 2 big scars on my left breast because of him.I wrote it over an 8 month time period.It is about addiction and abuse,being addicted to abuse and the cycle of abuse.People seem to have a hard time understanding how i could stay with this guy even though he was physically abusing me.Well I don't have the answer that people want to hear,and everything isnt always cookie cutter clean.I loved him before he ever hit me.I forgave him and ran back to him bcuz i thought I was in love but i was addicted to him and the feeling he gave me. Eventually I did the right thing by standing up 4 myself ,putting myself first,and drawing the line at last.Doing so gave me stregnth.I deserve so much better than to be abused.Theres never an excuse and its a damn shame .
Written December 23rd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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i love it and i can see why you liked can i know love . i felt your pain aswell as your self realization its good to now that god has saved you and turned your life around.
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Ditto!
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you were right, i can relate. i like this very much. you're a talented writer. keep it up.
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Very moving and emotional write.
It is obvious that you wrote
this from your heart.
You expressed yourself very
well. I was in an abusive
relationship for 3 years
so I can really relate. I
got out as well. So glad
that you did.
Thank you for sharing.
I wish you the best of luck
in the contest.
Jeannie D
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the work you put into this poem really shows. it is heart felt, excelently writen, and absolutely amazing. I am sorry for your struggles and glad that you found your strenght and voice. May your future hold as much love given to you as you give to others.
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Wow, such heartfelt imagery in these words you speak.I fully understand that place you have been to, for I have survived it as well. No matter what anyone says, you cannot understand fully, unless you have travelled the same path. I wish I had some applause left to give you on this work! It is extremely moving. Blessings to you always.
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Very well written piece full of your emotions. It was deep and captivating. great write. Keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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Wow this was just .... wow. You have no idea how many levels this spoke to me on. I've had a lot of abusing relationships before but the words you spoke of reminded me so much of the place I'm in now. I met this guy awhile ago and we started dating. He gave me the best few weeks of my life but before we dated I made hime stop drugs and later he relapsed and dumped me saying he had to do it on his owm. A week or two after he broke up with me we had a pregnancy scare (which turned out to be false) and he asked me back out (which I still think he did just because he thought I was pregnant) and we broke up a little later because his friends pushed him to do it. A little while later we started dating in secret but that didn't last long but now we're not together but its JUST short of actually dating; hell of a confusing situation to me much less to explain. Just the way you expressed everything in this poem brought out everything I was feeling it was just .... amazing. You did an astonishing job here keep up the awesome work!
~Lonely~ -
WOW! i dont know what to say! that is awsome, it is so deep I felt every word I enjoyed it so much. I am proud of you girl for getting out of that relationship and seeing it for what it really is. I have been in a abusive relationship and have to kids with that man and people say im crazy when i say i still love him but i always will.
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Awesome write...
This was an awesome write...look forward to reading more... -
thank u for the positive feedback!
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yay!
This is a very deep write. I origianlly thought it was too long but after reading was not bored and I didn't become uninterested at all. You kept my attention and thus did a great write. The flow and rhythm of this piece is excellent and makes it almost fun to read, even with such a dreary topic. Great job and keep writing I thoroughly enjoyed this!
--Stacey
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awesome. awesomely written. can really relate.
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FANTASTIC!!! really good write very long yet doesnt get broing carryies on flowing brilliantly these lines are my oarticular faves
You trigger my addictions
to which I'm still enslaved
They left me gobsmacked woah!!! well done really good
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