A beautiful soul
Hides behind a grief filled face
A once outgoing girl
Now cowers alone in a corner
With just one glance
You would never care to see
The pain and agony
She struggles with each day
This young woman you see
Is the same young lady
Who will try her hardest to make you smile
Through her tears of pain and hurt
Her mother never gives her
The hugs and kisses she needs
Rather scars and bruises
Forever engraved into her memory
This unhappy teenager
Has been through more
Yet she still comes out fighting
At the end of it all
Stephani Lynn
A wondrous face and heart
Always there for others
Always to be loved by friends
Author notes
This Was Written For xBrokenxSmilesx.
Alrighty. I hope this works. I know its not the best I've ever written but I haven't written in awhile. ANY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM IS MORE THAN WELCOME, I WANT THIS PIECE PERFECT!
Written May 15th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Poetric
Wow, i love this poem a lot..
It reminds me of one of my friends..
Has a real true feeling in it..
Absolutely beautiful, inspired.
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this piece is so beautiful, I think it definitely describes steph, the last stanza is so true, its hard for me to imagine anyone not loving stephani, she has the purest heart and love i have ever met. love ya steph,
~shirley -
This is absolutely a well written poem about a very dear soul! You have described her very well. I can feel the emotion that you have written with. Very nicely done indeed!
Good luck in the contest!
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Oh wow! This is one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever read! You really do deserve to win this contest with this, it is amazing! Very emotional, very moving and very beautiful!.. Keep up the amazing work! I wish you best of luck in the contest!
♥
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beautiful
I love this piece, the second verse was the most moving to me, its an awesome poem!!! -
wrenching
I like the tone and emotional out pouring of heart and soul in this write beautiful and good luck in the contest -
i like it. its very raw. love it!
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you can do better
Umm well I am sorry this poem has no creativity in it. when you write you want every one to fill what you feel see what you see. And if you just write telling them what happened you have defeted the purpuse of poetry. -
Thanks for the comment and the suggestion. I shall try it!
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this is nice piece,with the message rightly shown, but i don't know what the holder of the contest looks for as to behold a poem the best:
but personally i would suggest a use of metaphors e.g:
SHE WAS THE BUD BLOOMING TO WOMANHOOD,
SHE WAS THE PETAL, COLOURFUL AND FRAGILE,
A FLOWER IN ART (MAKING)
do u get what i mean try it on some of your poems and u'll see it works well, trust me i'm a doctor,(humour) -
Wow, wonderful poem. The meaning seems to be one that I can relate to. Great job, and good luck in the contest!
~dreamer -
oh! you should
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awww yay, i feel special lol
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mmm i have to read this like everyday, i love it so much. Okay and the ending, its great!! I mean, im not saying you SHOULD have changed it, but i must say it was a change for the better. amazing hunny!! I love you!
-Stephani -
very good i like it idk about if u were trying to ryhme it all all but it was good keep it up love stina
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OH! This is wonderful! I try to write pieces for my friends sometimes too! I love this.
Her mother never gives her
The hugs and kisses she needs
Rather scars and bruises
Forever engraved into her memory
^ That is my favorite stanza. Sometimes a mothers love is all we need.
Grea Write
Missy
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Thanks for the comment bugga-boo, i appriciate it quite a bit. This was written for a contest held by the person the poem is about and what she had asked for was poems in which she could feel like she wrote it about herself. Stephani is one of my close friends and I love her to death. This poem contains what she had asked for, she didnt want any happy-go-lucky stuff, just ones on her life and what shes like. Thanks again for the comment, this is in no way trying to diss it, im just trying to clarify what my poem was about.
♥Shannyn -
i like the rythum but at some points you broke it but i love the write it is very powerful and it is down-to-earth true. i love it good write
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Fantastic
Its good the way it is i wouldnt change much at all just make sure you get the point across that she struggles alot but still can seem to hold it together for other people.
I hope your friend is ok cause she sounds like a lovely person! good luck! -
This is a really good poem. it is. but if you are writing this to make her feel better about things...you should really tell her how much she is loved and how much people want to help her. not just how she always helps people. because then she will just start feeling bad that no one really pays attention to the things she does for them.
I know because i actually feel a lot like this poem. i've been through a lot and done many things that i wil probably regret! and it is very nice to hear how much my friends love me. although they never tell me.
but it is a good poem don't get me wrong its wonderful but if your friend is really having a hard time make her cry when she reads this poem. make her realize how much her friends love her! really it would be nice -
I loved it very emotional and tear jerking. so many people are hidden nowdays.
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Awww sweety, Im so glad you liked it. I tried really hard to step into your shoes if only for a moment and with your amazing comment Im reasured that I did it well. You dont know what your comment means to me. Just knowing that it was written for an outstanding girl like you and knowing that you approve of it fills my heart. Thanks for the comment, im really happy that you liked it.
Mucho love,
Your sister Shannyn -
Sweetie, you made me cry. This is exactly me.
these are happy/sad tears, you made me happy because you can write something that really does pertain to me, and you followed everything & you really made me feel like i was writing it, and then..sad because its the truth ... sweetie i love you and im so happy that you wrote something for my contest!! I LOVE YOU♥
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hey this is pretty good..dont know what to say to make it better and i have written poems similar like this before also but great write keep it up
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A very heartfelt piece, I am sure your friend will love it and and be very touched. It is obvious how much you love her in this. Very nicely done. The only suggestion I have is maybe make it rhyme, if you can do it without sounding forced, to make it sound all teh more impressive.
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it's meaning is clear and it's a sad and sombre read, the flow seems off though. to many chunks for frre verse and there is no rhyme, i would either put more sentances together and tighten it up to create a better flow for free verse or add rhyme to it but try not to force the rhyme, hard to do sometimes, the whole thing has a really nice feel to it and it holds potentiol
ebony
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Nice poem, I really hope your thoughts crystallize into materially possible things.
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i think that its perfect the way it is. This poem just oozes dark power. love it. best of luck
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Oh wow this is so sad... I can totally relate to seeing someone like that... I really hope things get better for her. Well done.
Maria xoxox -
very good write, i enjoyed reading it. the mood really helps to convey your point and true feelings of the poem. one thing i did notice when i was reading and maybe it's just me but it seems like your tone changes towards the end of the second stanza. again great poem and i really hope things get better for your friend.
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This is a sad poem. Thanks for the great write. It was awesome.
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Excellent write
I think you have done a wonderful job with this write.
It flows right, stays honest and real throughout.
You can feel the different emotions you write as though it yourself going through this.
Excellent work.
Keep it up.
Peace
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Ummm..I think its all really good.The title fits it perfectly also.i would of liked it more if it had more ryming..thats the only thing.But thats just me.Its a really good peom.
Good luckk! -
I'm in the same group as you,if you wanted to know so.
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Ooooooooo...such depression....I hope she feels better..I can realate to this,but this mood only comes in rarely..I really did enjoy this and its a greatly fantastic because of all the
fantastic chosen words!
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