Impressions
clouds billow up and hold their form
suspended for a time along the ground
sunset snowflakes scatter through the air
rising falling whispering through the air
colors wake from dreamless sleep
and tuft as random plumes up greening hills
misty arms weave patterns on the wind
swaying all directions on the wind
chiseled by the hands of spring
marble sculptures magically arise
designs wrought to life beneath the moon
dancing pirouettes beneath the moon
throughout the urban streets and parks
luminescent shadows brush the mind
like phantoms half emergent from the void
reaching for a moment from the void
Effects
black skeletons adorned in white
waltz along the city promenades
reflected in the windows of the night
reflecting on the windows in the night
their many arms sweep out and spread
pale remnants thick across the concrete lanes
which race like snowdrifts over asphalt roads
contrasting lightly with the asphalt roads
sidewalk puddles laced with silk
collect the dawn where gaps have formed amid
confetti ripples teased by subtle breaths
stirring in the play of subtle breaths
painted teardrops whirl and dance
from silver heights to settle soft as down
on placid windshields parked beside the curb
revealing bits of sky beside the curb
Reflections
etched within a pane of glass
dark eyes regard the hints of waning youth
beyond pink leaves are falling to the ground
withering like skin along the ground
streaked with loss a bright young face
meditates on koi within a pond
where tiny petals float atop the glaze
baring branches mirrored in the glaze
white blossoms rest on granite stones
the suddenness of polished black enamel
returns distorted images of grief
absorbing every attribute of grief
inverted by a winding stream
the shadow of a long abandoned home
trembles near a weave of cotton boughs
moldering beneath the greening boughs
Author notes
to learn more about the trisect: allpoetry.com/Column/1780251/all=1
Written April 18th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 77 of 77
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rhythmic koan
I sense the monks chanting me into hypnosis / so that I might see the world around me / dragging me out of the cave I have crawled into. I see the paint brush swirling oils on canvas painting images that transcend and become real. I feel the rain dripping off leaves and smell the ancient mulch of primal forests. Too much stimulation to grasp and hold onto. I realize I must stop and see the world outside my 'self, one small step at a time.
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"Rhythmic koan"--What poet wouldn't want to hear that about his work?
Great thoughts. Glad you enjoyed this and were able to convey your experience so vividly.
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I read this once before reading the comments below, and was struck by the beauty, but unsure of what was going on. After inferring from the other readers' knowledge that "Sakura" has something to do with cherry blossoms, I reread the poem and appreciated it even more. This is excellent work. Thank you for sharing.
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Alright. this time I Googled Sakura, instead of attempting to get a definition from Dictionary.com, and it was like receiving the key to the kingdom. Now when I read I see Cherry blossoms, and have a much greater appreciation for the poem. You know, I just saw a story about the Japanese cherry trees in D.C., one of which was cut down by a beaver. How wonderfully synchronous that seems.
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In the first stanza, I found myself thinking of the snowflakes as molecular prisms. After reading the first four stanzas together I see first, a description sunset in the country, and then night in the city. In the second four, I see snow, especially in the last two lines of the second stanza. A very light dusting of snow being blown, highlighted by the streetlights. In reflections, I think I get it, each of the four stanzas represents a different image of aging or death/decay. I'm not sure I noticed this in Effects. Rereading Impressions I do see the vignettes--if that's what they are--It's very difficult to pin down exactly. I did enjoy the way this made me think about it, and I hope I haven't revealed myself as an idiot, Lol.
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not at all. now what happens when you look up "sakura" and then reread the poem?
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I have not read but a handful of your works before, but this feels differently from what I remember. I admire this piece.
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I have many first impressions from this write, Poet...each section having brought differing images, yet, I feel they are somehow connected. The first line, I envisioned a volcano or atomic explosion-some great calamity "clouds billow ...and hold their form." The second section seems descriptive of the movement of a lava flow, spreading in all directions, and the ash fluttering as 'down' to land upon all. The title and the third section, brought to my mind, with the words, 'dark eyes', 'streaked with loss a bright young face', and the 'koi pond', a Japanese context, which revisited the idea of a nuclear mushroom cloud...and yet there is a certain innocence beneath it all as well...I will revisit when I have more time and sit with the words to see what more they hold...I found this a moving poetic piece, with marvelous use of image laden language...I appreicate that you allow the reader to interpret as they will..Peace, Rhonda
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i'll be very curious to see how the poem changes for you when you have a chance to check into the meaning of the title. i like how you interpreted the imagery. very fascinating. this reaffirms my reasons for exploring this approach to poetry.
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this poem is so beautiful.The cherry blossoms of Japan are some of the most amazing things that I have ever seen, and the way you describe how the wind moves through them...AMAZING!
my favorite lines:
painted teardrops whirl and dance
from silver heights to settle soft as down
on placid windshields parked beside the curb
revealing bits of sky beside the curb
the imagery here is just astonishing.
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wow that is deep
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hmm... your poem is good to read... though i didn't go through all of your poetry but some Wordsworthean expressions are there. as a romantic poet he used to emphasize on nature..... i am almost new here....but i hope i will add you as my favourite.
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Another masterpiece. I don't know why, but I prefer the other one. Regret was it? I must say, this one was amazing though. I could see everything playing out wonderfully in my head. The wind, I saw the face of a child with the pink leaves falling. It was something that truly expanded the limitations of my imagination. I will remember this poem. I like it a lot. What inspired you to make this? What was going through your mind at the time? I am interested. I want to learn how to make poems as brilliant as this.
. Rewarded 4
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by the way... had you not told me it was about cherry blossoms, i would have never guessed it. i would have thought it was a metaphor to life.... the beginning starting off new, fresh... beautiful... then being exposed to life's little problems that seem soo big and ugly... and then eventually aging.... and dying.
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Enchanting...
I felt that the whole thing was very... pleasant.
The first part gave kind of a heavenly setting to the whole piece... it's so soft and delicate. I did not like, however, the word 'arise', third stanza. Though after reading it several times, it fits. At first I thought maybe just 'rise' would have been ok... but now that i have read that stanza like four times, i think it's ok.
under the --effects-- part, the last stanza:
painted teardrops whirl and dance
from silver heights to settle soft as _down_
do u mean _dawn_?
i felt that the effects part was the saddest.. it seemed to portray this sadness in the life of a cherry blossom; just the way you started with the black skeletons and continued on even speaking of painted tears... it was such a sad part.
then the reflections... the whole aging process... it was great. i think you did an awesome job of portraying the life of a cherry blossom... making it almost human.
it was a nice poem. i enjoyed it. and honestly, if you hadn't picked it out.... and i had stumbled across it randomly, chances are i wouldn't have read it... but i am glad that i did
so was i way off in my comment... did i misinterpret it?
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with 'down', think feather. think feather.
you can't misinterpret a trisect. the poem is written to be out there in the interpretive field rather than in the explicative domain of the writer. it's for you to interpret however you will. and this is exactly the sort of comment i was hoping for because it's given me further feedback, another person's interpretation and experience with the poem.
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thinking feather and not getting it... do u mean the way they fall down slowly???
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here ya go lass: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/down#Noun
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Excellent
I found the imagery of this piece outstanding in its detail, but one of the things which most interests me about it (from my own point of view as a new poet) is the lack of punctuation, something I am furiously debating with myself regarding my stuff at the moment.
I found the repeated ending words in the last two lines of each stanza a refreshing addition although it's probably not a wholly original device. They add a kind of musical rhythm to the stanzas and overall enhance the messages in each part of the trisect.
I'm writing this as someone new to the trisect and will read the article on that format later, but I wanted to give you my first impressions, fresh out of the box as it were.
I know from reading your bio that you take considerable time with your poems and it's certainly paid off with this one.
I would go so far as to say that you're the type of poet who can inspire newer writers, when they're faced with writer's block etc. I'm again speaking from a personal level but the point is relevant to the general too.
Well worth spending my time reading and a fully deserved applause. -
I will try and explain what your work makes me see and feel.
IMPRESSIONS.
Here I see a very early spring morning,when a ground mist distorts colours and a light snow begins to fall,this produces a feeling of wonder and mystery.
EFFECTS.
The effect of the snow, frost and ice produces a different picture on everyday objects, hence skeletal trees,frozen puddles that look like lace, and to me, the windscreens and surrounding area's have a layer of snow that is beginning to thicken.
REFLECTIONS.
To me, I see an elderly person looking back down the years, as they watch snowflakes fall onto a frozen pond and thinking of thier childhood home.
Maybe I have got it all wrong Erin, but this is my interpretation of your poem. Val.
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Hi Erin, How can I, a mere novice, critique such a fine piece of work? You know you are my favourite, and reading your poetry has helped me so much since I first came onto AP. You have given me the courage to try new forms and to experiment with different types of rhyme. Thankyou my friend and may God bless you and family. Val.
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Beautiful
This is my mantra.
I love this poem. It's meditative, and that's a good thing.
I especially like the way this captivates quick moments so slowly, like a snapshot. (if that makes sense)
This was beautifully written, overall.
Keep up the great work!
Peace.
(P.S. I'm a new fan) -
wow
THIS IS AMAZING -
very very well written piece. interesting layout and interesting concept. i especially liked the line 'misty arms weave patterns on the wind' - it was very clever and the personification worked brilliantly
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Very beautiful images are expressed through your poem, very nice!
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This is incredible. I'm definitely favoriting this. Keep blessing us with your work.
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wow i luv this peice its so kl keep ritin
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I have never read a poem like yours before, I really enjoyed it and found it very creative. I think it works with or without it being broken up into sections. Depends on how you want to set the tone. Your imagery and diction were right on!!! I just loved it!!! look forward to reading more!
~Julia -
Ahh, how wonderful. This piece is gental and very visual, I like your style. Its a beautiful picture and nice to imagian. Some place good, far away but still a bit reachable. Wonderful job i applaud you!
PS i cant spell but still you get the point ^^ -
This is really great! I love it so much! You have loads and loads and loads of talent! You should check out some of my poems... even though they suck... good workee
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This is really great! I love it so much! You have loads and loads and loads of talent! You should check out some of my poems... even though they suck... good work e
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Bingo on this smooth write
Oh this is too good for words!
Such power yet soft
such grace and flow with every word..
Talent is your middle name and
Grace must be your first name!
BRAVO!
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Oooo, this gave me shivvers. Just lovely, well done.
-Cory.x -
BEAUTIFUL, WHAT MORE CAN I SAY
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WONDERFUL WRITE! NICE ONE! THIS POEM REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART! GREAT IMAGERY AS BUBBLE-LICIOUS SAID. KEEP IT UP!
WARM REGARDS,
GANESH
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amazing
This is great... the imagery... the sense of being. It's wonderful. I may have to find some more of your work. Wonderful job, absolutely marvelous!!! -
oho! everything in this poem has to do with the title. absolutely everything.
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Full of natural imagery which explores key issues in a more poetic way. I really enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your work
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Good
I liked the poem but one small critisism before I start. what does the poem have to do with the title? I saw no descriptions or references to sakura in the poem. That being said I thought it was a well written poem. I liked the way you repeated the last word in each line. I have to say breaking up the poem with those words really isn't nessisary. Leave it as one long flowing poem. I felt like I hit a speed bump in my reading every time I hit one of those words. Nice job though, I did enjoy the poem
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I absolutely love the imagery and word choice of this poem. I am not yet well versed with the trisect form, but someday for sure I will be back to look into it. I love the feel and flow of this poem, the background, the metaphors, everything. A very peaceful feel this has.
All the best. You never cease to inspire me with your pen.
Yours in poetry,
Charishma
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Hi, nice form it lends itself well to pesonal feeling, a very good write a pleasure to read, must give this a try sometime, all the best, Di
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this was an intriguing write,tone to it.
The images fused with sound created a dramatic
performance of isolation and abandonment.
There are so many things we take for granted in life.
So many of life's beauties go unseen or noticed.
In the stillness of contentment we are priviledged
to peer into the corridors of another dimension.
Excellent work.
Much love again
S-Zro. -
Sheer brilliance!!! I was hoping to stumble across something that would inspire me, and this definitely did the trick, I haven't been writing much of late, but this makes me want to again, to find the time within my busy life to create, thank you so much for that.
Hugs, Ro -
brilliantly penned
great imagery plus so much more your right words do paint and the picture movie playing out in my head while i read these words wonderful. Like the format very interesting with the repetition i think enhanced the imagery and made a more powerful statement ..... kept it in the readers mind longer. Glad i dropped by the read enjoyed it keep the ink and words flowing. Very well done
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Beautiful piece...I love the way this flows. Love the repetition. You create such beautiful images with your words.
black skeletons adorned in white
waltz along the city promenades
reflected in the windows of the night
reflecting on the windows in the night
Thought provoking. Amazing write...I really enjoyed this!
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worth all the time spent
beautiful chemistry... I love the whole layout, the entire poem is awesome, I just love it all, -
Starting each line with a gerund? Yes, I noticed that, but it's not a serious flaw like the other. Why?
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ecrivain: well the partial refrain stanzaic endings just sort of happened. did you notice another structural consistancy by any chance, also occurring on the final line of each stanza?
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I have a serious problem with this, simply because having so many lines ending with the same word is not a good thing in modern poetry. Getting a verse form accepted by the rest of the poetry world could take many years, but those double word endings will make it much more difficult. Otherwise, this is a very elegant and polished poem. I'd seriously think about those double word endings though. Anyway, nice read.
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suspended for a time along the ground
When I read this Erin I just think about fog or Culumbus clouds hanging onto the Earth, very realistic and surreal.
black skeletons adorned in white
waltz along the city promenades
Recently I added skeletons to my poetry also. There's a difference between my skeleton and your skeleton though! Lol. I don't think your skeleton represents any form of sin. it's funny How your using "Dancing" when you speak of the skeletons actions. Tell me why they are dancing...
streaked with loss a bright young face
meditates on koi within a pond
I imagine a small, quaint little oriental woman smiling into the water at a pond. she's lost everything and all that she has is the nature around her. Is this why you titled the poem "Sakura"? Sakura is an oriental name. I've heard it many times in manga/anime shows, hehe.
What else...hmmm
chiseled by the hands of spring
I'm wondering what the hands of spring would look like and how they would chisel. What tools would the hands of spring use. It leaves me wondering and I love it. All your poetry is awesome Erin, you are "The Poet." I don't think I have any right to critise it; that would be below me. hehe.
GOD BLESS
CARINO
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I see the first part as now being part of then. It reflects the mood of the narrator, than anything else, I suppose. I see beautiful, fluid imagery in the verses, which sense of an anticipation or may even be a fear. Second part reads more like the modern life, with its complicacies. Images are very surreal at times, especially the allusion of skeletons. The repetitions provide an excellent atmospheric setting. Third part is perhaps more like then
as connected to now. There is a mapping between first and third parts, which leads to a query as to what is this confusion or perturbation all about? At times the images are little self pitying.
I liked this poem a lot. Thanks for sharing your work, Erin!
D
Edited on May 20, 7:20 p.m. because ''. -
Thanks for creating this! As I was reading it I felt how fragile beauty can be, how short youth and life are, just 'withering like skin along the ground'.
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Wow well done.
Beautifully written.
Interesting form that
I have never seen before.
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D
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Your feelings were right
I love reading anything that includes the moon (almost anything).
The first part - Impressions - was my favourite.
I wish I had more time to try this form... -
Erin, Once again your imagery is outstanding, through our talks I've had an idea what this poem was going to be about, but I had no idea how beautiful it was going to be, ahh the cherry blossom, beautiful and delicate, the first sign that spring has come back to life, gives me a sense of peacefullness and tranquility, then in the forth stanza, you talk of black skeletons adorned in white which brings me a sense of darkness with yet a hint of light at the end of the tunnel.The koi refrence reminds me of being in my parents back yard sitting at the pond breathing in the wonderful spring air, and like the Koi, that hibernate in the winter, and spring back to life as if almost magically reminds me of the beautiful cherry blossoms that wither and die shortly after forming yet come back every year to start anew. I loved how everything tied together. I know how long this has taken to write but it is well worth all the hard work you put into it. Excellent write yet again from you Erin.
Take care my friend,
Suzanne -
Reading this poem is like attending an hanami. It gives the impression of delicacy and fragility just like the cherry blossoms for which it is named. The images are clear and deeply moving. I found it impossible to pick a favourite line or a favourite image. From the clouds of Somei Yoshino in the beginning to the shadow of the abandoned house surrounded by trees at the end.
The repetition is very subtle and enhances the poem wonderfully. -
fs: loved your thoughts. yep the endline refrains just sort of happened. probably a sort of reflection back to my time with the ghazal. lol
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pt: i'm very interested in learning more about how you interpreted this poem--what your experience was like as a reader and the thoughts that went through your mind as you read. i'll applaud your added thoughts if you share them.
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DLE: aha! you're the first to mention the cherry blossom. very glad you could enjoy this piece.
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Brilliant!
'black skeletons adorned in white
waltz along the city promenades
reflected in the windows of the night'
This is beautiful. Fitting of the name 'sakura' as well. It truly reminded me of cherry blossoms on glassy water. I haven't read a piece so full of imagery without being overdone for a very long time, and this one was truly excptional. You create an amazingly vivid picture for the reader which transports them into your world of fantasy and along the paths of your mind, through sunlight and shadows, snow and gentle breezes. I loved the repetition of the ends of the thrid and fourth lines in each stanza, at first I baulked but upon realising it was intentional began to truly enjoy the effectiveness of the technique. Thanks for the eye-opener, I will surely use that in a future poem. Again, beautiful, beautiful write, this is going on my list of favourites
Avian xx -
this is a nice write here. It has a good flow and tone to it.
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Superbly executed!!
Wow I am in total awe of this magnificient poem. I love the way you broke it up into sub titles and find your discriptions and imagary quite mind blowing. -
Gosh, that was truly beautiful. I know Sakura is a song about cherry blossoms, but perhaps they should consider your words for a "remix." Great use of imagery, which painted an amazing picture in my mind.
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Good imagery in this piece. Interesting rhyming technique, I like it. Beautiful job!
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i felt the words and smelled the nature
good work -
its VERY interesting. i definately apprectiate your word choice. it definately has alot to say as to how far humanity has come, where were going, and at what cost...
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Thumbs Up
I must admit that it took me a couple of reads to get the full impact of the vivid imagery of this poem. The flow and the descriptive phrase make this a great piece of literature.
Edited on May 18, 5:03 p.m. because 'typo'. -
I like the repeat, and how calming this poem was. It's VERY beautiful; different, but beautiful. You have the most beautiful imagery... keep it up!
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Nice poem. You like nature do you?
I like the way its set out into different sections. Its different but really nice! Keep up the good work mate
Cheers -
10
Beautiful. Loved the feelings that it gave off, it really touched me. Keep up the good work.
Your Neighborhood Moose,
Psycho -
colors wake from dreamless sleep
and tuft as random plumes up greening hills
misty arms weave patterns on the wind
swaying all directions on the wind
My favorite line through the whole poem such a wonderfull job you have done here you have such great detail through out thw whole poem and wonderfull flow you are a truly gifted poet and such a wonderfull work and poetic art here -
Very descriptive piece, loved the feel and the flow was awesome. it is filled with vivid imagry and is truly a captivating work. Well worth the read. Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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Awesome
The complexity of this write must be absorbed, but I LOVED the different forms of awesome illustrations in which you used... kirk -
Spendid picture
you must be really into nature and stuff. all of the poems i have read of yours always have something to do with nature and leaves a spendid picture in the mind. i don't always understand the meaning but i feel like i just took a very long nap. lol the mav.
the Jake -
This is a lovely read with some amazing imagery, needs a few readings, some complicated thought patterns. I like the structure. Well done!
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a very nice piece to add to your collection of greats. i suppose my favorite part was the first third section, but hey thats just me. The first part spoke to me more for some reason.
the Mav
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Genius again!
Yay! I am the first to comment again...go me..
I love the flow and how you repeat the last word in the last two sentences of every sect...If you have done this b4 i have not noticed it... this comes across as a picture of life to me especially the last sect.... I love this write..
KAY
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