Professor Villiams, Sir:
I would like to apologize for my multiple absences last week and the week before. As you noticed on Tuesday last week, I have been about six feet under the weather. Last week I even took your advice and went to the Student Health Service to wait in line and pay thirty dollars to discover that I had a 'nasty cold virus' that they couldn't do anything about. Of course the doctor did scold me for getting little sleep and avoiding the so called 'food' in the dinning hall. So I basically slept through the next three days. Thus finishing only half of my paper for you, and missing your class and others all together.
With the rest, I developed a false sense of security concerning my health, and decided it was safe to march with the band on Saturday. So I rolled out of bed for the first time in three days, only to find the temperature had dropped enough to freeze my trumpet to my lips and fingers despite gloves. After that ordeal, my dad demanded my presence at home, so he could escort me to the doctor there.
There it was discovered that the little green men I had been coughing up were actually small pieces of the bottom half of my left lung. (Warning-exaggeration may be used in cases of extreme frustration) So I was then medicated heavily, and left to finish my paper in bed.
Now in my medicated stupor, I wrote a page that I was rather proud of at the time, but found to be gibberish when I later looked it over. Thus I am left to finish it today upon my arrival home. That is the task that I am put to after my next class.
I wanted to tell you my sob story in person, for sob stories always come across pathetic when read in a message, but seem a tiny bit less so when given as a speech in person, with tears etc. Yet, to my dismay, I discovered that you are not in your office on Mondays. (I can't say that I blame you) So instead I am writing this quick message for you to explain my near death experience at the hands of the common cold. All in hopes that you will feel sorry for me and forgive my rather rude and odd behavior that has become hazardous to my grade.
And in the case that this message has not contained enough brown nosing, I would like to inform you that my essay is on Walt Whitman, whom I know you enjoy. Have a lovely day, and I will bring my paper to class tomorrow morning, with hopes that you will receive it with only a disapproving look and warning of no further exceptions.
Your faithful servant,
Samantha
Author notes
this masterpiece was written by me and was actually used, only the professor's name has been changed-just in case. this was one i wrote my freshman year, and there have been many more like this. lets see....only about....one or two lines of this were true. generally i didn't do the paper because-okay i was a little sick and very lazy.
Written May 14th, 2006
A contest entry
- You're not going to believe this, but... by Festering Eye Sore.
300 points, ended May 27, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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fantastic asimply ownderfull i like it a lot wonderfully written
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Did you bat your eyes
and then look low
Did you half smile
then start to go
Did you walk on out
with your head held down
Then give a last glance
with a new slight frown
Did you shuffle feet
as you headed out
Did you ignore
when he did shout
Did you strike a grin
when he couldn't see
That you just passed class
like it ought to be
Hugs...Eddy
Some teacher are a soft touch others are just down
right ornery...lol -
Very clever. You actually used this? I wouldn't dare. I've never been good with telling teachers excuses. It just never really works out for me. The title of this made me laugh. I really enjoyed reading this letter, so thanks for entering it. =)
- Norah-
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haha, thats exactly what i was going for! lol he's an English professor so i was hoping if i made him laugh everything would be cool.
*loves* -
mervelous!
haha, I love it! Very clever
The exaggeration was exactly the right amount...not too much and not too little. Honestly, if I was the proffessor who recieved this, I would give the student credit simply for how funny and well written it was. well done!
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ok, can we share first? PLEEEEEEEASE??? I thought I had done good on my entry, but this is just too funny, and hase added cachet of being the real deal. darn
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