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From Sea to Shining Sea

Etched in her weary face,  from sea to shining sea,
lines of worry stretch  across,  California  to DC,
begins to lift in surrender,   two very  weary arms,
as left and right bicker, only cause each other harm.

One raises the question, what good can come of war?
the other stars and stripes,  like  forefathers before;
neither dare place a cap on the price to set men free,
both tremble with the fear,  disasters come in threes.

For children, her bloodshot eyes past shores strain,
in the  eleventh hour,  starts to sink in amber grains;
thinking of those who traveled with their Uncle Sam,
older ones lost in  two world tours, Korea and Nam;
empty arms still grieve, for young that died so brave,
knows the third one will surely  put her in her grave.

I'm caughtt  in the middle of the country's  heartland,

between flag raiser and protester's legitamite demands;
we need both  arms up to see Iraq remain  a free place,

the irony of democracy in the hands of the  human race

Author notes

Option #1
to the country I love and the men and women that give their precious lives for our freedom!
Written May 14th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • xXblackenedXroseXx
    March 27, 2008

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    I like this.. it's a more moderate view yet it acknowledges the necessity of extremes. It's a difficult situation when each way you turn is the wrong way. good job


  • DrunkenRam
    March 8, 2008
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    Best take on the whole thing I've seen so far.
    Damned if we do
    Damned if we don,t


  • TeChNoWC
    September 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Do you listen to Jason Upton?


  • Nam
    August 25, 2007
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    I had this on my list of "possible entries for a trophy" but I'm removing it. Mainly for the fact that you didn't even correct the obvious spelling error of "caught", which you still have as "caughtt".

    The small problems with spacing which I noticed you had to keep the lines structured and aligned with themselves, were a minimal digression. Even though some of them do seem "out-of-alignment".

    And the thing I mentioned with "Nam" the country, was minimal, as well.

    But, leaving an obvious spelling error in, that's just ridiculous and below your talent as a writer.

  • Nam
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not much on punctuation myself but in this line:

    "One raises the question, what good can come of war?" - should not the comma after "question" be a colon?

    "the other stars and stripes, like forefathers before;" - you have two extra spaces, the first being: "stripes, like" and "like forefathers". I probably could understand the former (going with your form) but not the latter.

    You also have it in other lines following.

    This line: "older ones lost in two world tours, Korea and Nam; "in two" extra space.

    I feel that "Nam" should be "'nam" or "'Nam". Though the name of the country has been represented as being "Vietnam" and "Viet Nam" - just an opinion.

    However, going with "Korea" beforehand, I feel "Vietnam" would read better. Though if you're going by a particular syllable count, I can understand why you have it that way but leeway is applicable in syllable count poetry. All one would have to do is read Shakespeare's sonnets to see that.

    "I'm caughtt in the middle of the country's heartland," - "caughtt" would be "caught".

    You have extra spacing between words in the last few lines (perhaps just the last two), and you have no end mark for the last sentence. That could be on purpose but I don't think so.





  • broken-colours
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting indeed. Definitely speaks out about society as it is today. Nicely written. Thanks for entering & best of luck in my contest


  • Aphroheidi
    July 10, 2007
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    elusive...

    the thing is...I meant elusive....


  • Aphroheidi
    July 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Haven't yet but Ummmmm.

    Hello....this is AWESOME, Ugh, difficult to love....


  • IndividualEleven
    May 6, 2007

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    Very nice write, great imagery and use of vocabulary, also enjoyed the excellent rhymes. Great job on the topic too, especially liked the ending, thanks for entering - Jacen an IndividualEleven.


  • Defective Soul
    April 12, 2007

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    Wow. Great poem! Really, it's just.. beautiful. I really love the 3rd stanza. Keep it up and thanx for entering .


  • Gl1tt3rn1nj4
    April 11, 2007

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    Wow, great!

    This is a really good poem, really heartfelt. I don't have an opinion on the war one way or another, because I don't know that much about the reasons or history that lead to the war, so I don't presume I know everything. But what I DO know is that I feel for the families that have lost young men and daughters.
    So even though I'm not Christian, I do hope for the safe return of our troops. And I find this poem beautiful.
    This definitely deserved a gold trophy.


  • waydownuponjoy
    March 31, 2007
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    A-1 thinking!

    You have deserved to earn the Go(l)d trophy for your depth of thought where the answers for "what to do" must come from the inside out and be led by what the heart knows! All other is under the hand of heaven and to believe that "to everything there is a purpose under heaven". Very good verse! Congratulations, joy


  • Beret55 silver member
    March 29, 2007
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    That was outstanding. very well done. Thank you for sharing.


  • Love of a Bullet
    March 26, 2007

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    It is great how you don't have to be relgious, or have faith at all, to appreciate the lovely work you have penned here. There is not enough time spent talking about the conflict between emotion and reason that lies behind the war, this work, in no matter how humble an effort, pushes the spotlight just a little to reflect in the ensuing shadows, our humanity.

    Best wishes in the contest. You sure kicked my ass.

    :-)

    ~Das

  • LittleD1981
    May 16, 2006
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    Another excellent piece!

    I've noticed your poems all ask for a critical review, but I cannot find absolutely anything to be critical about! This piece is written with such clarity. It flows beautifully and has excellent rhyme. I am very, very much impressed. You are blessed with an awesome talent!


  • Master Warious
    May 16, 2006
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    Beautiful and sad

    That was beautifullly written and very sad. War affects everyone in very similar ways to what this poem describes.
    You did a beautiful job.


  • myron silver member
    May 16, 2006
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    ah yes, the sad futility of war. the poor keep dying on behalf of the rich, but still the young men volunteer. it makes me embarrassed to be a human really.

    thanks for sharing this poem. i particularly like the open-ended images in the evocative first verse.

    best wishes,
    myron.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    May 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful write. Great work here.
    Thanks for sharing it!

    Allen0826


  • City-of-Angels
    May 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    awesome!

    Wow this is such an awesome poem!! Really its deep and its good. Bravo

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