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Confessions to a Dead Love

I find myself thinking
About the times that we shared
About the way we used to make love
And the way you stroked my hair
I found out that I miss you
That you belong with me
And how I shouldn't have set you free
You were my beautiful bird in a cage
And I let you fly away
I will never get to see you
Or hear the crazy things you say
The truth is I still love you
And want you here with me
I did you wrong; I treated you bad
So now I finally see
I was the bad guy
I did what I should not have done
Just so you know, I threw away that gun
I confessed about the murder
About how I was drunk and high
About how you said I was a loser
So I shot you through the eye
Now I know you wanted me off the stuff
But I thought that you were being tough
It is no excuse for what I had done
I was dumber cause I didn't think to run
From the anger habor deep inside
Now I sit here and I write
Because writing is all they let me do
Otherwise I would come see you
I still love you hun
This I know for sure
But I am locked behind this steel door
I will join you soon
In heaven now
But just for a few seconds before they send me down
To where all murderers go
I will see you then
Just so you know.

Author notes

I kinda like this one, and yes I wrote it.
Written May 14th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Miss DontTouchME
    June 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    OMG, this is such a sad, beautiful poem. Whoever dared to make such a comment on it, is wrong, I love it.
    Anna


  • Nam
    May 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This line:

    "Now I know wanted me off the stuff"

    I believe you are missing the word "you" between "know" and "wanted". So the line would read as:

    "Now I know you watned me off the stuff"

    This part:

    "I was dumber cause I didn't think to run
    From the anger habor deep inside"

    there should be an apostrophe before the word "cause" or just write out "because", 'cause "because" and "cause" are two different words with two different meanings.

    Also, in the next line, did you mean "harbor" for "habor"?

    The "Tis" near the end is out of place, you should just have "It is", if that's what you meant.

    Overall the piece is nice, it could use cleanups minus the errors mentioned above. The rhyming could be more enforced and condensed to make the fluid nature of the piece more .. well, fluid.

    --

    On a separate note:

    I guess you didn't read the rules and guidelines of the Contest and saw that I asked for "no rhyming" which is the first thing I say in the rules and guidelines of the Contest page.

    Your piece is being removed from the Contest based on that. However I thought I'd at least comment on your work to either help you out in your work or just to show that I read your piece and didn't remove it for no good reason.


  • GothChycke
    May 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Sweet!

    Awww....this is a very sweet and cute writting you have given! I hope to read more of your work some other day. Good luck in the contest and I hope you keep up the the great write of yours!
    Edited on May 21, 4:58 p.m. because ''.


  • Roseo Atrus Adustum
    May 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    wowie wow I lurve you.

    omg wolfy I love this one!! my favorite lines are

    "It is no excuse for what I had done
    I was dumber cause I didn't think to run
    From the anger habor deep inside
    Now I sit here and I write"

    those lines are amazing and they speak to me. I love the rhymes in your poem!! omg, I just overall love you, wolfy.
    ~Alex~


  • mountain wolf21
    May 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good job

    that was good I like it kwwp up the good work


  • Uchiwa Sasuke
    May 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    Lovely write! I like this one a lot too! xD Gawd, I feel like I'm repeating myself, and probably am! This truly is an awesome write. I can relate though to the idea behind the poem. I let love slip out of my grasp once. Mistake, because now look at me. I'm nothing, but a sad alpha girl hiding behind my friends.

    ~Ari


  • DecayedxBeauty
    May 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oooo quite interesting. I Liked it lol. ^.^ keep up the great work wolf~!
    <3£exi

1 - 7 of 7