I'll hold your hand and sing these songs
That gently brush away
all that's gone wrong
I'll kiss your lips and with it find
Indeed my scars
they've healed with time
I'll rise up from my mourning
I'll gently kiss sun
And gracefully embrace
This woman I've become
Author notes
my old scarey scars are healing, and a large part is because of tom. Next week i will officially be a mrs.
this is my *happiness* in simple words. To be able to get up, know that i've left my bad situations in the past, and become a happier person and a stronger person from it. To not be afraid to embrace this better person i've become.
Written May 14th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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congrats sweetheart! a little late but none the less..
good luck great write, wish i had more time but i'm furthering my education but excellently penned
xoxo,
lys -
okay! I appriciate your words because they combine to form a good expressiona and finally a pictuize a great colourful imagination in front of my eyes. But, I will complain about the flow of the lines. I think that the flow in the first stanza was really odd and so does in second. Though, third had a good flow, as smooth as milk...
I think that I can suggest you something:
Your first stanza:
"I'll hold your hand and sing these songs
That gently brush away
all that's gone wrong"
Maybe it looks better as:
"I hold your hand,
singing these songs.
That gently brush away,
everything going wrong!"
In the second stanza:
"I'll kiss your lips and with it find
Indeed my scars
they've healed with time"
I think that you can repharse this as:
"Kissing your lips,
I find,
My scars indeed have,
healed up with time"
Well, the third stanza was quite good
they are jsut my suggestions. keep them. think about them. or delete them. it is up to you
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Wonderful! Beneath the depth of your lines, I see a strong woman of substance. This piece is simple yet beautifully written. You've conveyed each expression very well in these few lines. I like this poem because it is very honest and undoubtedly from the bottom of your heart. However, one line sounds awkward:
"I'll gently kiss sun"
I think that a "the" before the sun would make it grammatically correct.
Once again, great write. Keep writing.
Ankita
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lol why thankyou. you should always remain hopeful!
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Thank you for sharing your hopeful words with us. You've restored some of my faith in the future and provided hope.
Moon bless. -
eek!! thanx for catching that. i must've not caught it when i was changing it around and editing. oops! hehehhe.
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Aww, Sin, that was so awesome. I was confused about this line, though:
I'll rise up from in from my mourning
Was it supposed to be "I'll rise up from my mourning" ??
Anyway, regardless, this was a very touching write. Only a few more days! -
hehe i would if he was on AP too. i'll post pics! we're courthousing it for now, we have a ceremony in the works for October
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very sweet and hopeful. congratulations, are we invited?
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AWSOME! I LOVE IT!! NO REALLY! *rose*
omgosh!
I love this soooo much!
No really, no doubt, take a bow, here is a rose
very nicely pened. i love it.
it was SO great really.
~Kitty -
awww this is soo cute. haha good luck with your wedding. i bet you will look beautiful. Things will get better with your mom. Don't worry. Great poem honey
Rose
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