To: [think of me when you leave.]

If I know anything, I know that I'm a fifteen-year-old girl. But I feel like I've been around every bit as long as those Victorian houses across the street. I've been laying in grass and watching stars before Jesus was born. It feels like I've wanted to kiss you since before we found out what sex was.

Forever.

Why do I want everything and more? Because you are everything and much more. You are universal. "Love" in Braille. A smile, a hug. A simple wave to say "hello", war. Miss World. A guitar, a building, a button, a butter-knife. Everyone knows what you mean. And the way I sit up every night listening to the ninth track on this Broken Social Scene CD, wishing you would just look at me and tell me that I'm everything.

You're leaving, and I want to cry because I might not see you again. I want to push you down on the ground and kiss you like I'm going to die tomorrow. I want to listen to you play guitar in your backyard and fall asleep on top of you like I have to leave before you wake. But the truth is that even your walls can hold you inside, and I can't.

It's not fair! I want to grab handfuls of sand and fall on the ground and scream it.

I used to be terrified of the darkness, but now I turn everything off before I wrap my quilt around me like a dress, to think of you without interruption.

How I wish I could write, "I'm thinking of you's" or, "You're my world's" on slips of paper and put them in your pockets.

How I want to look in the mirror before I go to see you, put Chapstick on, kiss my reflection leaving behind a clean, pure print and say, "tonight is the night."

I wouldn't know what "the night" was. Men on television say it when they are anticipating love-making. Women say it when they are looking down at their naked ring fingers.

I can't say I don't want to make love to you or marry you.
I do.
I must admit.

I just want to sit near your car in some field and make necklaces out of buttons. Sliding one on for every time you kiss my forehead. I just want to fall asleep holding your hand, and feel safe. Do I want too much?

I want to be in love with you.

P.S. - And the truth isn't that I can't keep you inside of me, I have walls that I wish could keep you inside with me. It's that I love you more than any girl you ever knew. Any girl that ever knew you.