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True Success

my parents (both now deceased) are still my inspiration.  This poem is very special to me - one of the first poems I wrote - it may not win a contest, but if it honors them that is reward enough!

 

 

We had come to love that time of day,

when the moon pushed the sun away;
stars peeked out from twilight curtains,
for a glimpse of mom, we were certain

like the Mona Lisa, so stately and serene,
still our model of what sacrifice means.

Listened to our dreams of grandeur,

while her cutlets sizzled, nothing grander!

letting us get lost in our imaginations,
magic carpet rides over  nations;
watching us soar higher and higher,
moving clothes, from lwasher to dryer;
Delicious aromas brought us back,

to her kitchen, where love didn't lack;

We   opened  an old basement door,
 our father's  world we'll forever adore;
where blueprints of greatness in private begun,
taunted with “what if's” and  remained undone;

 

Yet we danced unaware on dust covered floor,
to the beautiful music of his circular saw;
particles of dust  shone brightly as diamonds,
as the sun snuck in to join in our fun;

 

Believed there was no limit to how far we could fly,
he gave us wings,  to get us that high;

his travels ended at the borders of his dreams,
chose to build a family to the best of his means.

I am sad to leave my childhood home today,
clouds in my soul, means rain's on the way;
yet I'll not stand here, waste tears and weep,
for what strangers are not worthy to keep!
our memories are  not  in wood or  stone,
but etched deep in our hearts,  ours alone

Author notes

Option #1

this is one of the dearest poems to my heart - not for the quality but for the people its written about - very, very sentimental! thank you for sharing in these special memories of my parents both deceased now who I always looked up to and wanted to be just like them - they were crowned not only with grey hair but with wisdom and integrity, honesty and most of all love for us six kids of their's!
9/22/06 -this past week they tore the house down to build a more modern one in its place!!
Written May 13th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • Symphony
    November 10, 2008

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    My Lord, you managed to fit so much into this in a few short words - and I say few because in comparasion to a lifetime of experiences and occurences, and conversations, then this is nothing in regards to amount of words, but with that said - it was truly amazing. You gave each of us an insight to your life, growing up, living, loving, leaving.

    The ending in particular was mightily profound, with, "yet I'll not stand here, waste tears and weep,
    for what strangers are not worthy to keep!
    our memories are not in wood or stone,
    but etched deep in our hearts, ours alone " <-- very wise words indeed!

    Thank you for entering this, I muchly enjoyed reading it


  • sassykitty
    August 14, 2008
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    A very intense and personal write, packed with evocative and descriptive detail. Poems that are so personal are always hard if not impossible to crit, it seems like an intrusion almost. Having said that, this is a nicely penned tribute to special people. Thanks for sharing.


  • HaleighGrace
    August 14, 2008

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    This is a poem straight from your heart--easily shown here in your write--tears--I loved it.
    GL and thankyou for entering my contest.
    HALEIGH


  • dnjskid
    August 14, 2008

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    This was a very beautiful and heartfelt write. God bless you and may the Lord take your parents into his loving arms.


  • rollingzen
    August 14, 2008
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    well done


  • Mystical-Gardenia
    November 28, 2007

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    Excellent!

    What a wonderful honor and tribute so eloquently given with the hand and heart of one so wonderfully gifted Well done poet!

    Wishing you much success in all of your endeavors and a joyous Holiday Season to you and yours


  • Bazza
    April 8, 2007

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    Wonderful, warm and well done.

    I can see why it is your favourite poem and congratulations to you for having the skill and talent to be able to paint such a vivid picture to share with us for I believe we are all seeing the same painting and therefore close to what you intended. The imagery is clever and warm and the whole poem leaves a satisfying warm feeling of your past days. When you have something like this to be able to draw out when you wish and later show it to your children and grand children you will not only have left a piece of your parents but of yourself too, and that alone is a great accomplishment. Gold Trophy material.
    Bazza (Barry)


  • W B Burkholder
    January 27, 2007

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    Carly this was an exquisite piece, yes happy and fond memories of child hood, loving parents I definitley can relate just a heart warming and m oving piece, loved it


  • drybones
    January 27, 2007
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    Nice

    What a beautiful tribute to home and family. You are truly blessed to have such wonderful memories to carry throughout your life. Some of us can only carry the memories of pain, rejection, loneliness, and hopelessness. Well done.


  • Puppydog gold member
    January 27, 2007
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    SO HEARTWARMING!!!

    This poem is what a loving home is all about. Everyone going about their tasks yet talking with one another and I feel in my heart there is nothing like the noises of a family together in the evening at home.


  • FAH faithandhope
    January 27, 2007
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    Sad and Touching

    First let me say that you are a very talented writer. This piece was written so well, great imagery and flow. I could feel, smell and touch your memories, that it impressive to do. I loved it. Many Blessings, FAH


  • Biometaphysical Man
    September 25, 2006
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    preeow....which means good. :)

    after i read this...smOOth 1ne has plainly said it for all of us...wow. even though i haven't the slightest clue as to what a cutlet is the imagery is astounding. when you were talkin about the sawdust? oh yeh....i was there. hahaha. great poem and don't let anyone stop you.

    aaaand remember.....'poem' spelled backwards is 'meop'...?? haha. later on

  • gypsy princess
    September 2, 2006
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    this is beautiful thank you for shareing such a touching poem
    and best of luck to you.


    Gipsy


  • AgeofAquarius
    July 27, 2006
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    KEWEL JEWEL!!

    Great Write about life and love...welcome to AP...


  • Aurielle
    July 27, 2006
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    this was good but u should put some poetic in it like some metaphors or similies that u create not clouds in my soul.

  • atty-poet
    July 27, 2006
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    Great write, sentimental, child-like in its perception and yet so profound. I'm just not sure the title fits the piece... hmmm, food for thought. One grammar issue: Is "there're" a real word? (in dad's stanza). You used "there's" later on, which is a better fit, I think. Keep up the great work.


  • July 27, 2006
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    omg this poem is amazing, i can see why it's close to your heart, its such a good read , really beautiful and touching,well done x


  • Cherokee
    July 6, 2006
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    This is a beautiful poem. We had to clean out my husband's childhood home recently when his Daddy died and it was so amazing. It was fun, sad, difficult, happy, precious... It was an amazing experience. My children went up to the attic where his little hideaway was. There was a mattress and all of his little treasures. The memories in that house were so hard to leave but when our work was done, it was time to go. And that house full of memories had to be sold but the memory of those days that we spent reliving his childhood is something my children will never forget.

  • kingschosen
    July 6, 2006
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    The imagery that you create cuts close to the heart. It's rhyme goes perfect with the flow. This is a wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing this will all of us. We are truely blessed!

  • Erupter
    July 6, 2006
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    lovin'it

    No words could describe the beauty behind this poem, if someone had no home, and they read this...it would be as if they experienced a home, because reading this makes you feel like you are that child.


  • Uckerhead
    May 16, 2006
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    This is an embarkment unto a new great adventure no matter how sad it is to leave the past behind. This piece is beautifuly composed. Great choice of words and great flow. Keep on writing you are very talented.


  • starwing
    May 16, 2006
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    what a lovely piece...i wish i had grown up in a family like that.... too many of us don't...peace to you...shzoosy


  • Billythekid
    May 16, 2006
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    You've placed a very vivid picture in my mind. Very descriptive and a wonderful way to remember your childhood.
    Keep up the good work.
    -Billy the Kid-


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    May 16, 2006
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    This is beautiful! You did a great job with this!
    Welcome to the site! Take care and keep up the great work!

    Allen0826


  • Carly Pop gold member
    May 14, 2006
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    thank you so much for your review I appreciate it! I am new to this site so please be patient with me while I am learning the ropes! have a great day!

  • Carly Pop gold member
    May 14, 2006
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    thank you - this poem is the most special one to my heart and you blessed me so much with your kind words! this is the first day on this site for me so be patient with me I'm still a little confused how this all works with applauds, etc. - I'll be looking at your work - my husband is a pastor so I have to go soon to help him get ready for church!

  • Carly Pop gold member
    May 14, 2006
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    thank you - this poem is the most special one to my heart and you blessed me so much with your kind words! this is the first day on this site for me so be patient with me - I'll be looking at your work - my husband is a pastor so I have to go soon to help him get ready for church!

  • Carly Pop gold member
    May 14, 2006
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    thank you so much for your review - I am only on this site 1 day and so blessed by the encouragement and kind words for some poems vey dear to m heart. thanks again! have a wonderful day!


  • AkashaRain47
    May 13, 2006
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    AMAZING!

    this has got to be one of the most amazing poems I have seen in a VERY lng time. This is fantastic! So well written and it has a different theme to it, which is really nice. I suggest you enter it in a poem of some kind. I think it would win if put in the right contest. Good job!!!!! Hope to see more!!!

    ~*Panther*~

  • BehindTheseEyes03
    May 13, 2006
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    this is wonderful!
    i really enjoyed reading it!
    its a little on the long side, but i still like it!
    i hope u decide to enter my contest!
    ~Rhea

  • JadeFlame
    May 13, 2006
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    This poem is absolutely beautiful. The images that come to mind are clear and dreamy. I love the last stanza because of the change of tone that really brings it all together.

1 - 31 of 31