Today is emptiness. The hollow flesh
Bears down upon the bone, the hollow bone
Upon the marrow.
The heavy sky, the fifteen pounds of air
On each square inch of skin, confuse the skin
With sky, confound the earth and aching marrow.
Today is weighty vacuum, a load
Of nothingness that presses on a soul
Weary past sorrow;
A universe without, a void within,
Leaden abyss between the earth and skin,
Between the sky and marrow.
Author notes
For those not familiar with Old Norse poetry, please note that in skaldic tradition, "the sky of the marrow" is a kenning (traditional metaphor based on parallelism) for the skin.
A contest entry
- Editor's Select Six Contest # 29 JUDGED! by Andantino.
600 points, ended July 14, 2006, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hello, Emptiness, We Meet Again by wbiro.
300 points, ended December 11, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - astronomical desires by exithere.
400 points, ended June 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (Un)Comfortable in my Skin or I will (not) be fine by ixtli.
450 points, ended July 12, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom, come to me! - - - (Depressive/Sad/Dark) by Ebbing.X.Discreetly.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FEELINGS by starving4perfection.
1900 points, ended August 30, 69 entries
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1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
PLEASE do not feel obliged to comment on this poem ... but if you feel you must, please note that it may be some time before I respond.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i enjoyed reading this....i agree the imagerys amazing!
thank you for the entry and good luck! -
The imagery here is breathtaking. This poem is very beautiful, but which prompt did you choose? Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
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I have never understood precisely what the difference is between what Allpoetry jargon calls a "prompt" and what in the wider world would be called the "subject" of the competition. (Possibly the response to a "prompt" is allowed to be somewhat "looser"and less focussed?)
As far as this poem is concerned, it seemed to me to belong within the context of your competition... but it is up to you whether you think the "I" of the poem is comfortable or uncomfortable in the skin. How am I to know? I merely wrote down what floated into my mind from - wherever it is that poems do come from. It is for the reader to decide what it "means" - not I.
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oh this is great vera,love your expressions of old poetry, good luck..mm
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points for the reference to Old Norse poetry, I always like having new doors squeaking at the back of my mind... so between the sky and the marrow lies the emptiness that is us... interesting perception, thanks, I may do something further with it in some write, somewhere, someday... either narrating or in a character ruminating... maybe an old Norseman...!
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The footnote is expected and necessary. Short sentences are a virtue in this bare, sparse poem in thought and feeling. I like the items of three presented in balanced phrasing: flesh; boine; marrow. The kenning, with its parallelisms, is appreciated. And the fact of physics not lost upon us. Incremental repetition advances the progression of this poem:
"Today is emptiness / a weighty vacuum."
The telling balanced antithesis, A universe without, a void within, continues the craftsmanship of this well-integrated poem. The skaldic metaphysics that concludes the poem and explodes over the entire poem with its figure of unusual suffering. A learned person's poem, I feel. Ron
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Hi Vera, I greatly enjoyed this, the words lend themselves so well the the overall feeling of heaviness and lethargy. Very well captured,
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Dear Vera, Thank you for pointing out that this was in 'blank verse' (you are such a patient teacher). It is good, I am finding, to be well rounded in many spectrums of poetry. I sense that every metaphor and every word in your poem (including your title) carries a deliberate, purposeful weight of emotion and passion. Thank you for entering the contest. Belle
Edited on Jul 12, 5:07 p.m. because 'correction'. -
thought provoking, unique
Eloquent and very well written, this poem leads me on a voyage of muscial words, coming together to paint a mystical image. I have to read and read to understand each part, and I see more each time I read. -
crafted & moving
dear vera - this is a moving and beautifully crafted poem. i am touched by the sadness in the emotions and the implications behind and between your well-chosen words.
the energy of the rhythms works very well too.
all the very best,
myron.
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