Stagnant air fills my lungs
I breathe in hot, thick, death
Phantom shadows lurk
Like dark clouds that never rain
But always block out the sun
Morning brings stories
Society massacre
No one is to blame
For those who saw turned their heads
You can't testify what you didn't see
But blood will forever stain the hands
Of those who are not dead
They watched behind the wall
Looking away when they were no longer amused
Tainted blood runs through their veins
Lies forever poised on their lips
They will never speak again
I smile in my last moments
I survived long enough
To watch their sorry fate unravel
In moments, I'll be dead
But I already know
We have been avenged
Author notes
Written May 12th, 2006
"When Bunnies Attack the inner sanctum of other fluffy things"
A contest entry
- AP Best of the Best Season Three Preliminary by B Chandler.
300 points, ended March 15, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
STUNNING!!!
ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!! ...i know to which truth you refer. - my first poem sub'd at ap : allpoetry.com/poem/1755618
i don't know what to say, this is so good...so good!!!
atb.....................................Lionslove
-
very well written, completely describes how the inaction of human nature can be almost as harmful as committing the crime. loved how you isolated these two lines:
Morning brings stories
Society massacre
and the metaphors with the clouds and the blood just gives the perfect mood. great work! -
OMG! this is moving, vindictive, beautiful, eloquent, and all around amazing! It flows beautifully, and carries such a strong tone that it is impossible to ignore!
But blood will forever stain the hands
Of those who are not dead
They watched behind the wall
Looking away when they were no longer amused
"Looking away when they were no longer amused." cahnges the whole tone and mood of the poem. the reader goes from feeling guilty to being appaled!
"We have been avenged"= perfection!
A haunting final note that leaves a shudder in your spine!
I LOVE IT! -
You have captured the moment well. The moment the killers' amusement fades and realisation creaps in, and the moment the dying person is 'avenged ' through knowing they will suffer for their crimes. Good piece lots to think about. Well done.
-
Wow, this poem is very deep and dark and reflects our society
-
O.K. Get your boots on
The opening stanza opens the reader's senses to the immediacy of violent death and the chaos of war. The couplet which follows and the fourth stanza reveal the morbid and ephemeral connection which many have to the consumption of violence, a vicarious morbidity, which renders one not a healer or a peacemaker, but a useless bystander.
The author has declared his view of their evil, "tainted blood" and decries his anger and rejection of those who have refused to help stop the evil, the tragedy, the injustice:
"
I smile in my last moments
I survived long enough
To watch their sorry fate unravel
In moments, I'll be dead
But I already know
We have been avenged."
There is a crying out for justice here which is impossible to ignore. -
Interesting read. I felt as if it were borne out of something like a witch-burning. The emotions were so intense it was as if you were actually there and these words were taken from experience. I enjoyed it immensely.
-
well written
Very well written work. I agree with scorpio in the fact that it feels like a nightmare. Great use of imagery and language in this piece. once again good job and keep up the good work
John =) -
excellent work
dance in the rain, this poem is very dark and intense, and paints a very disturbing but realistic picture, like an actual nightmare. Very well written indeed.
Scorpio Rising
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
8 old applause
