I met a man who had no face
He seemed to feel so out of place
I asked him where he'd been
He said he wasn't sure
I met a man who had no feet
Lost walking a Baghdad beat
I asked him if we'd win
Said he didn't care no more
I met a girl, nine years old
Pa's been killed and Ma's been sold
I asked her where she lived
And she said, "everywhere,"
I met a man who'd gone insane
Refusing his ill-gotten gains
I asked him what he'd done
He said he'd been ensnared
I met a man who was long gone
Kept sayin' he was movin' on
I asked him where to, then
He said, "give it time---"
I met a girl not four feet tall
She didn't have no hope at all
I told her no one would
Leave a child behind
False deity
Come mend their sorrows
And put 'em back on the shelf
False deity
Cleanse my tomorrows
Give 'em to somebody else
False deity
Come feign your mercy
Make them feel whole again
False deity
Please make me worthy
Or at least pretend
I met a bird who sang so sweet
And sang to me hymns of defeat
Asked him for somethin' nice
He said, "That's all I know..."
I met a man who'd done no wrong
Who'd moved his people up and on
Asked him where he was now
And he said, "on Death Row,"
I met a man on second thought
Who only knew what he'd been taught
I asked him where he lived
He said, "on Lonely Street,"
I met a girl who looked so sad
Who didn't know what choice she had
I asked her only "why?"
She said, "to feel complete..."
I met a couple, wise and aged
Whose troubles had been put on stage
I asked 'em for a chance
They said, "when will it end?"
I met a girl dressed in blue jeans
Hooked on the thought of Benzedrine
I asked if I could help
And she said, "That depends..."
False deity
Come mend their sorrows
And put 'em back on the shelf
False deity
Cleanse my tomorrows
Give 'em to somebody else
False deity
Come feign your mercy
Make them feel whole again
False deity
Please make me worthy
Or at least pretend
False deity
Protect this city
Where they honor your name
False deity
Revoke your pity
And they'll renounce their shame
I met a man who found his way
There is no better thing, they say
But now he's on his own
I met a man who kept his word
And told us things we'd never heard
'Till he was overblown
I met a man who wrote a plan
Walked on those he didn't understand
How could this be condoned?
I met a man from a foreign land
Claiming that he could save the damned
Yet he was always alone
False deity
Come mend their sorrows
And put 'em back on the shelf
False deity
Cleanse my tomorrows
Give 'em to somebody else
False deity
Come feign your mercy
Make them feel whole again
False deity
Please make me worthy
Or at least pretend
False deity
Enforce your vision
Before they leave for good
False deity
Forsake precision
Like I knew you would
False deity
Please don't be brutal
Must be a better way
False deity
How is it futile?
There'll be another day...
There'll be another day
Author notes
TO THE RAVEN JUDGES:
I think this piece is fairly clear, but just in case, I'll go against both preference and tradition to elucidate, if nothing else, what I thought when I wrote this.
The piece is, by and large, a summary of a certain kind of society. A society, that is to say, that has grown up in and around loss; a society that has no choice but to grasp incompletion and imperfection, because those are the only cards it's been dealt. This is not necessarily incongruous with the society we live in, of course.
And so, when one is given so flawed a society, one turns not to his brothers on the earth or material goods but to something higher. This poem represents, or is meant to represent, man's search for that elusive something, for that higher power that people turn to in their hour of darkest need - and of course, the catch inherent: that even if there is some higher power (and perhaps there is, or perhaps there is not), that power seems determined to see us solve our earthly problems using earthly tools.
And so we struggle on.
A contest entry
- The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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As the saying goes, "The Lord helps those who help themselves". Unfortunately, there are those who take scripture out of context in order to further their own largesse, and not to help others. This is a good one, Connor. I am pleased the judges honored you with an HM, but I think it deserved more than that. 
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The most brilliant part of this outstanding effort comes in the form of how the repetition is written. You have included equal parts flow (which is perfectly suited) and content that make us anticipate (rather than regret) each coming line, and in doing so provide us with an experience that is both desirable and unique. This is not a piece that is meant to be read quickly, but rather slowly so that the premise, clear already(1), can connect to something inside of us that speaks to more than just general understanding.
I am impressed with your command of the subject matter and the clarity of feelings that often run towards ambiguity in their efforts to be expressed. You have done a terrific job in this piece.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das
1 - As you note, but thank you anyway for the author's remarks. -
I think it’s an interesting concept that when life pushes us to the boundaries due to the evils that society forces us to face each day, that we might call on a ‘higher power’ for reasoning, rescue or healing, and this applies to many that aren’t believers as much as for those who have faith. What I personally view in these lyrics are sets of circumstances that are often bypassed by individuals each day but if they stop long enough to enquire into them what they find isn’t always what they expect and is in fact more on the negative side than the positive. I have to agree in part with the author notes that whether or not there is a ‘higher power’ it seems it is up to us to find our own solutions using what we have, and part of what we have is the knowledge to know the difference between good and bad, right or wrong and also the capacity to find positive solutions.
As far as I can tell without knowing what type of music they are intended for, these lyrics appear to have a good flow with an interesting rhyme scheme which in the first six stanzas follows through the sequence of question and answers. I found the change of flow in what I considered the chorus lines added an effective and varied interjection the shorter stanza form surrounding them. The following 3 line stanzas raise the pace of the piece which I think would be backed by more powerful element in the musical composition. Although this work isn’t of a genre I would normally read by choice I have really enjoyed it for many reasons.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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reminds me of Moonshadow by Cat Stevens
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To it it represents the destruive nature of human beings.One a person get into a downward spiral then they hit bottom. Not seeing how they got there or why.We do lived in a flaw society.It only as good as it weakness link. Society or our government not to blame. There are times people are trapped in false hope that is not good for them or the society they live in. It does need some work.As I was reading there a few rough bumps to me. I do not have an ear for music. I am sorry to say I am tone death. The content is very good. The images are strong. I think you have done very well. Wish the very best.
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More like a song than society,but it was still lasting.And it nonetheless,it was unstoppable to resist. This was just TOO awsome. But you still deserve some good luck and thanks for entering.
Vladmir -
Huh.. who cares about an off beat line? I loved this! Firstly, I like it because it is deep and somewhat metaphorical, without being hard to understand. That's the hardest part for me when I write lyrics. Also, the way you rhymed was quite original.. As for the message.. I love the irony, because this is so much like a prayer for the lives and fates of the desperate, yet it is a prayer to a false deity... And, unfortunately, I see that so much in day-to-day life, and so wonder why do something so futile like call out to someone who will never hear you, who does not even exist. These lyrics are brilliant... I wish I could hear this on the radio some day
~Diana -
awexome.
It seems your drought has ended.
I mentioned that, from the teaser stanza you showed me, this sounded dylanesque. I think that mood fits the whole poem.
I like it a lot. I think it's my favorite of your works. The imagery and tone are both very strong, and there seems to be a bit more storytelling than usual. I like that.
The chorus is better than usual. You have a nasty habit of putting in a chorus that doesn't represent the style or mood of the rest of the poem. That's not a problem here. I don't think it quite matches up as far as lyrical quality goes, but it is definitely a step in the right direction. The more I read it (I almost typed hear it, because I can hear Cornell singing it in my head), the more I like it.
On the first verse: The first four stanzas are amazing. They really set up the rest of the poem. The fifth, though, falls flat. I'm not really sure why you included it, it doesn't seem to fit. It's kinda random. The sixth stanza gets a bit of that back, though.
The second verse is just as good as the first overall. My only complaint here is the last four lines (I asked for money/.../looking for a friend) didn't fit the rhyme scheme. They are great lyrically and in a poem without such a rigid rhyme scheme and meter they would be outstanding, but here they stick out. I'm not sure what to suggest - I think the lyrics fit with the poem, but the rhyme scheme does not.
I like the meter switch with the third verse. It keeps things fresh, and that's good. It seems to have an incredibly similar meter to part of American Pie ("I met a girl who sang the blues/and asked her for some happy news/ but she just smiled and turned away"). Was that intentional, accidental, or am I reading it wrong?
Either way, I love it. The fourth stanza here ("I met a man who spoke in rhymes") seems to peter out at the end, though, and it looks like lyrically you were just looking for something to fill that spot to make it even.
The ending is great. I think it really finalizes things and brings the song to a climax from which you can fade out.
Great poem. I look forward to more as the summer progresses.
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