Across the land the autumn breeze blows softly,
As the white clouds bring the sun,
The leaves are brown,
Come falling down,
And touch the ground softly where you lie.
Across my mind a memory,
A slow evolving symphony of you,
A love that shines,
Into my mind,
With thoughts that tumble in wintertime then fly.
You…
Are the one I love,
You are the one I love,
You…
Are the one I love,
You are the one I love.
Across my dreams the seasons stream,
With jumbled colours each a different theme of you,
In forests deep,
And castle keeps,
Filled with the magic,
As I sleep and dream of you…
You…
Are the one I love,
You are the one I love,
You…
Are the one I love,
You are the one I love.
Author notes
“In-between the Lines of Love”
A contest entry
- Lyrical Poetry REVISION- Examples by katina.
300 points, ended November 5, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - music, hope, love, and all that jazz.. by MidniteRae.
600 points, ended February 8, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So you think you are good huh???...find out... by LoveNeverDies.
309 points, ended March 18, 2007, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RHYME TIME by piccola.
450 points, ended March 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyricists and Songwriters!! by Andy Stephenson.
800 points, ended May 12, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Most Powerful Words for the Most Powerful Emotion by DancingShadowCorpse.
875 points, ended May 26, 2007, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Serenade by second-born.
600 points, ended November 23, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST........ by islekine.
600 points, ended January 4, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Writers & Poets Alike....! by B Chandler.
1050 points, ended January 29, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seasonal Love. by Poetryintheblood.
525 points, ended March 1, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie
-
I like this...this flows as soft as a gentle love song..Excellent entry and thus far, the best I have read.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
It's lovely that nature's view was broght into a love theme in this piece. I've always felt one in love becomes more acutly aware of the beauty that exist around them.Thank you for your entry.
-
Oh I noticed you did not pick your choice of the e-book title, don't forget to do that and post your choice in your authors notes please.
-
I thought this was a perfect sounding write. I do have one suggestion and that would be -1st stanza, line 3 change the word "are" to "of". Other than that I see nothing wrong with this. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
-
Beautifully penned.
Thanks so much for entering!
Write on!
*PEACE*
Happy New Year!
-
This is such a dreamy song…full of lively and lovely images…thank you for sharing this wonderful piece…
-
This is beautiful, a very lovely song indeed. When I read it the first time, it wasnt what I expected.. not powerful enough but as soon as I brought a tune to my head and read it again it was intoxicatingly beautiful! Great write! Thanks for entering my contest!
-
I like to hear it.
Is your song on the net, or can you email it?
Andy -
I like this
These seem to be pretty good lyrics, but it looks like the rhythm may be a little difficult for the melody. Do you have a melody? Thanks for entering my contest. I really appreciate it.
Andy
-
yes, i could see this as a song. It was hard for me to get into the rhythem though..it's kind of unique for me..
although the thoughts and words expresed are beautiful.
Thanks for entering my contest. -
You are the one
by myriad-dark on May 12
I really enjoyed reading this piece. The alliteration of sound you have created and the swift flowing images are wonderfully done!
I could feel the music of your words, gliding through the air of the, "autumen breeze" as you wrote.
You have a strong voice for song writing as well, along with creating lyrical poetry. There are many contest for songwriters, I will send you some links after I get my web site up and running.
I will also have a workshop on Song Writing, Lyrical Writing, Writing Memoirs, Fiction, and other forms of writing/editing and stuff.
I hope you will allow me to use your poem for my web site, for the song lyric workshop.
It was great!
Across the land the autumn breeze blows softly,
As the white clouds bring the sun,
The leaves are brown,
Come falling down,
And touch the ground softly where you lie.
I will be keeping the names of all the poets who wrote a lyrical piece in a file for future purposes. When my web site is up I will be running a workshop for writing different forms of poetry such as Lyrical, sonnets, ballads, and other forms.
I may contact you to get permission to use your piece in one of the workshops classes.
Again,
Thank you!
-
Thank you so much for entering the contest!
I have not read your work yet, it is hard to keep from reading these. I will be reading them all after printing off a hard copy when all the revisions are done after November 5. By November 8, the results/critiques will be done. I am writing up my critique in a word document and will email this to you. I will also leave a comment on your author page. I just want to give the authors something to put in their writing portfolios.
What I am doing now is looking a form, whether it is lyrical in form etc. There is nothing wrong with your form. That is all I can say at the moment.
Thank you again for your entry.
Good Luck in the Contest and in all your endeavors in life!
-
simple and hearty
Your words enters the heart,
With out leaving,
and,Lots of meaning,
Your poetis the one I like!!!!!
Write more until our hearts will strike!!!
sylva -
I love the various types imagery in this poem: they really served to emphasize the calm and soothing scene that you paint. The html "?br/>" was somewhat distracting but I really liked the repetition you used of the phrase "You are the one I love"- it really hit your meaning right to the point. This poem was very unadorned yet its simplicity is touching.
Thanks for the great read and good luck in the contest. -
lucky lmao
-
"cross my dreams the seasons stream,
With jumbled colours each a different theme of you,
In forests deep,
And castle keeps,
Filled with the magic,
As I sleep and dream of you…"
that is just pure beauty right there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love that line! wow this is amazing! it has that right amount of saddness that puts you to the brink of tears with not only the emotion, but with the words, because they are so beautiful! great write and good luck in my contest! -
i enjoyed the motion of true love.
just sitting there with the love of your life
the free verse reallyhelps the rhythym.
thank you
good luck
ellie -
This is cute. I like this. Thanks for entering. I really liked the chorus and the repetition that was within it. Great piece. Hope you do well in the contest. Later. - cgirl0410
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
